Thinking and Developing · 6:20am Oct 21st, 2017
I've been a bit absent from the writing world for a while now. Mostly, it's because I just don't really feel the urge to write. Compounded with my new job, it's not really been on my mind for the most part. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm quitting. I know what's happening. It happens a lot to me. I get really into something for a while, maybe even get really good at it, but eventually my desires just shift off of it, and I find myself having to fight to actually do it. It's not boredom, because after a while I feel the need to do it again. I think I put too much of myself into these things, and just burn out.
Recently, I've begun thinking about my stories again, examining them, spotting things I could improve, gagging at some of the choices I made... and found myself actually working on developing the world of Tartarus Forged again.
One of the things I was thinking about was Moondancer. Or Moon Dancer. I really don't know, nor care at the moment. My point is I was thinking about the direction I was taking her in the story. At the beginning, I showed her as on the edge of suicide due to her part in Twilight's trip to Tartarus, and it took Twilight's brother to drag her out of it.
At first, I thought to myself that I had taken things too far by making her suicidal, or nearly so. In fact, I was considering how to fix this when I rewatched Amending Fences for inspiration. Examining Moondancer as she was after Twilight left, but before they made up, it was pretty clear Moondancer wasn't just jaded, but also depressed, and trying to hide it. I think it was a fairly strong depression as well, if her lack of self-care is evident. Not at the level of suicide, but certainly a bit unhealthy.
The reason for this is because canon Moondancer's depression stemmed from lack of self-confidence and anger, whereas my version of her was depressed because she believed she was the cause of what could very well have been the death of her idol, in her eyes. Angry depression can cause self-destructive tendencies, but that anger also drives you to continue going, and maybe prove to yourself you don't need what caused it in the first place. You never really consider suicide seriously.
Self-hate depression... just makes you want to stop. Not only that but it's incredibly difficult to fight off, as it feeds on every single doubt your mind spawns about yourself. You find reasons, in your mind, to believe you are a burden. The best way to fight this is to find a purpose, something to dedicate yourself to. Easier said than done, but still.
Because my version of Moondancer lacked the anger to drive her on, even if that anger was unhealthy in the long run, I don't think it was too unreasonable to conclude that she was dangerously close to suicide.
Here enters Shining Armor, who at the time was desperately searching for a way to find his sister, while also helping Cadence deal with the Cult of the Dark Gods. Being a soldier, a high ranking one at that, Shining Armor is trained in appraising a person's mental health and potential. He's also experienced in dealing with cadets who lack belief in themselves. When he finds Moondancer and sees the state she's in, his training instantly overrode any and all distaste and anger he may have had towards her, and he did what he was trained to do with depression borne of self-hate.
He gave her a purpose. Not only that, he gave her a purpose she was passionate about, and one that aligned with her Cutie-Mark talent.
It was hinted at in a later chapter, but Moondancer made good use of that purpose, developing technology that was beyond its time in her hunt for a way to find Twilight. Because of this, she's found a passion for technology, leading her to specialize in this rather than magic.
The culmination of all my thinking into Moondancer's character was in the realization that I had just solidified my first Alternate Universe character. I'd say the first was Twilight, but I'm still unsure where exactly I'm going with her.
This blog was just me providing proof that I'm not dead, nor are my stories. I'm getting back in the saddle.
Woo! This story is one of my favorites! The execution of the concept is so fresh! Twilight better still have thumbs though! Finger master race!
Glad to see you are still knees deep in planning out your stories! I take it that we could be expecting a new chapter sometime early next year when your job will finally lighten up enough for you to start writing again.
Thanks immensely for letting us know about this. Believe me, I can completely understand about this sort of thing. Just take all the time you need.