Reflections - Tinkering and otherwise making improvements

Hey all,

I've been doing some tinkering with the recently published chapters recently in order to improve the overall quality. If you've already read the latest three chapters, then most of the things that I've tinkered with shouldn't effect you too much. However, I did write an entirely new scene for chapter 14. I've included it at the end of this blog post.

So, after some feedback that I've received, I took an introspective look at what I've been writing. A lot of it was pointed out to me, sure, but some of it was things that I already had a feeling about and was just getting confirmation on. Needless to say, I feel like the quality of my writing took a hit in these last few weeks of summer (seriously, doing 50+ hours physical labor every week is no joke).

Today, incidentally, was my last day at my summer job. I have a week off until school starts back up where the ballgame will be different. Bit of a tangent, but I'm taking 13 credit hours plus I'll be spending 12 hours a week doing research on quantum chromodynamics (which is a really cool and exciting opportunity and I can't wait!), but I think it won't be as exhausting.

But, anyways, as to what exactly I've tinkered with, I've looked at how the characters should react to these situations such as Twilight having an appropriate reaction to seeing the carnage in that destroyed Ponyville, actually showing the multiversal carnage that leads Crystal to realize that the multiverse is dying, and I've already reduced the focus on the cameos as they were taking up a little too much screentime.

Also, I concluded that chapter 15 was a slog. So far, I've managed to cut down 1000 words out of the chapter. It's now sitting around 4,300 words so that's an entire 1/5 that I took out.

There are still a few things relating to characterizations that I'm going to fix, the above is the jist of things.

Anyways, like I said, there's a new scene in chapter 14. For ease of access, however, the scene is below:

Chrysalis glanced around the room. She could spot her reflections in the wall’s many faces.

“So this is her castle. I’ve seen it from outside, but I’ve never actually been inside it before.” Her expression scrunched into one of disgust as she said, “What a gaudy and ugly looking place this is.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Say what you want about it. This place is home.”

“Well… I do sometimes wonder what the Ponyville Zoning Board thinks of this place, though,” Sunset said.

Chrysalis snorted. “Gaudy.”

“I think it looks nice. Kinda out of place in Ponyville, but…” Sunset shrugged and said, “Can’t really blame her when a magic chest just plops this whole thing down. But it’s nowhere near ugly.”

“You would think so, Sunset Shimmer,” Chrysalis hissed.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Uh, did we meet in your home timeline?”

Chrysalis threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, that’s precious. Of course we met, you cretin. Do you not remember when you and those others came to my hive and dared to try and usurp my throne?”

Sunset shook her head. “I’ve never met you before. Not in my timeline, at least.”

“She wasn’t at the hive,” Starlight seconded as she took a seat in one of the nearby thrones. “Heck, before all this multiverse business… I’ve never even met her.”

“Well, I will have you know that it was you, you,” Chrysalis said as she pointed at Starlight, “and that accursed Twilight Sparkle who showed up in my throne room that day.”

Starlight frowned. “Twilight? Didn’t you capture her?”

“We tried,” Chrysalis replied, standing tall and regal. “But she somehow eluded us. We watched that castle from every direction. She never left it. And yet… she evaded detection. Whichever place she chose to hide in, she chose it well.”

Sunset’s mouth formed into a slant. “Huh. She must’ve hid in the mirror.”

Chrysalis deadpanned. “The… what?”

Starlight took a step back. “Ah, maybe we should have Twilight tell you about that one.”

Chrysalis, for several long moments, stared Starlight down. She buzzed her wings once, twice, and then shook her head and turned away. “Not like it matters anymore,” she said, her voice drawing down toward a whisper.

Starlight sighed and took a seat. “Must be tough, huh? Losing everything like that…”

“Hah. As if I had anything going for me.”

Starlight shook her head. “I’ve asked Twilight what it was like losing her timeline like that. I’m not sure if I still know how it feels.”

Sunset blinked. “Wait. Twilight lost her timeline?”

“Uh, yeah! Her home timeline collapsed. She lost everything!” Starlight said as she threw her hooves into the air. “She’s been here ever since.”

“What the hay; when did this happen?” Sunset asked.

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to see Starlight out of the corner of her eye.

“A while ago,” Starlight replied. “It was before you and I met, apparently, Sunset. She’s not from this timeline.”

Sunset stared into space for a moment. Her eyes narrowed with each passing moment and, a couple of times, she scratched her head. “Wait… Okay, wait. She’s not from this timeline?”

“No.”

“Uh, then where is the Twilight that is from this timeline?”

Starlight hung her head. “Well… she’s dead.”

Chrysalis cracked a devilish smile. “Oh, really now?” she asked as she turned to face them once more.

Sunset straightened up but her expression quivered. “Oh… I see. You kinda lost your Twilight, huh?”

“Yup,” Starlight replied.

Sunset sighed. “Well, I guess I kinda know how that feels. From back home, I mean.”

Chrysalis chuckled.

Sunset shot Chrysalis a glare and then turned back to Starlight. “That’s pretty messed up, though.” She ran a hoof through her mane and sighed and said, “But I guess everything’s messed up now. This thing with the multiverse…?”

“Yeah,” Starlight replied, “that’s messed up.”

Sunset stumbled over to another one of the thrones and took a seat in it. “It’s a lot to think about.”

Starlight shuddered and began to stare into space. “Y-yeah…” she muttered. “You know, I’m… thinking about the other mes out there, and the other yous,” she said as she looked at Sunset. She looked up at Chrysalis and said, “And, I guess, I wonder about all the Chrysalises out there that are dying right now. I wonder about the changelings that are dying right now.”

Any hint of a smile on Chrysalis’ face faded. She buzzed her wings again as she swiveled away from them again. Me, dying? she thought.

Her hoof ran to her thigh. She thought about what had once been there. She thought about how close death had come to her.

Sunset let out a drawn-out sigh. “Yeah, I guess I’m thinking about that too. Hard to believe the multiverse is dying. That’s… I don’t know…”

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes and glanced at them over her withers. “Indeed, it is. And what?”

Starlight glanced up at Chrysalis and, after studying the changeling’s stern gaze, deflated and sank deeper into the throne. “Yeah… and what?”