Tomorrow is my birthday · 3:50pm Aug 22nd, 2017
So in less than 24 hours I'm going to be 20 years old. I've been on this site since I was fourteen and it feels like my entire life. Of course what better way to spend my last day as a teenager other than to have a crisis because I'm broke, have no money, am waiting on query responses for me book, and feel like I'm a failure for having no motivation to ask for commissions.
I want to be happy. I feel like tomorrow is one of the only days I'm allowed to be selfish and I can't make myself do it. I feel incredibly guilty for buying myself a birthday present that cost less than twenty dollars because I'm that poor. I feel even more guilty for not being able to work a job because of my last experience with them over two years ago.
I think I'm having this crisis in part because there's this scary connotation that comes with leaving behind teenager years. Being an adult. More guilt over just struggling to be happy and part of society. I have this fear that everybody I rely on to support me finds me lazy and like I'm just coasting when really I feel like I'm constantly hiding under the blankets from some monster that's societies expectations. All I want to do most of the time is have people love my writing. If money wasn't an issue I wouldn't even want to be paid for it. I just enjoy seeing people be happy by things I've created, and because of that I want to make it a career. Right now query letters feel like job applications and I've been rejected three times now.
I'm just scared and pretty much the only thing keeping me stable right now is my boyfriend who should by all means be asleep. I'm scared when he goes to bed an even worse crisis is going to hit me and nobody I feel safe around is going to be there.
Trust me, we're all here for you man if you need us. Never forget that.
If it makes you feel any better, you can successfully say you beat teen pregnancy. My sister couldn't do that.
I turned twenty in March this year and I'm currently looking for a job myself, and believe me, I know how you feel.
How much are your commissions? Because I'd be glad to request one (or two) for my friends. I owe them for saving my behind and a story each would be an awesome idea~
One would be a romantic idea, the other more a comedy. How are you with those?
Breathe darling. Happy birthday to you. By all means simply take it slow. One day at a time, you know? You'll be alright.
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When I was actively writing them they were about 10 dollars per thousand words, but my main worry is that I just won't be able to find motivation to write them so I'm scared of taking them on and forcing out things that are sub par.
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I've read your stuff and I think it's amazing. I know whatever you make it'll have all the love you show all your stories. So don't worry, I'd be happy to give you all the time you want.
I want to help, you should be enjoying your birthday and not worrying. I know how it feels, I've had money woes recently thatve pushed me pretty hard, but things are better now, with help from friends. I've been where you are, so I can understand...
If you want to ask me anything, just send me a message.
You're turning 20! by how your voice sounds when being interviewed by Draco azmyth (if you want me to take this link out. just so ya know I spent a long while finding this on yt!) https://youtu.be/snUqUrwzwc4 I thought you were older or come off very mature. i'm just surprised is all & Have a happy b-day from me:)