Really stupid labels and my reaction · 10:57pm Jul 10th, 2017
Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Why? Did something happen to Princess Luna when she used it?)
Bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (No. Way! That's so cool! I never would have guessed.)
Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (So, can I serve it still frozen, if it's only a suggestion?)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM OF THE BOX) Do not turn upside down. (Boi!)
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (You don't say!)
Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts and out of the driving seat)
Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (I would hope! Or else I'm suing!)
Toshiba laptop: Warning: do not microwave. (Microwaved laptop is my favourite food! Yummy!)
Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. what!? But how else am I suppose to make my cupcakes?)
String of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (So, I can't use them in... The twilight zone?)
Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: May contain nuts. (May?)
American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (where is the 'throw away after eating' line?)
Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
Child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (I guess we just aren't special enough... Or smart enough.)
Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Why not? Let's test. Better get a glassy finish!)
Toilet Plunger: Caution: Do not use near power lines. (You'd be surprised how many toilets there are around power lines)
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill. (It's worth a try... Really!)
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (I would hope.)
Endust Duster: This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances. (Hmm... Spike! I need you to send this to Celestia!)
Baby Oil: Keep out of reach of children (Babies must be a whole other species?)
Little Ones Baby Lotion: Keep away from children(like I said before, different species?)
Hair Colouring: Do not use as an ice cream topping. (Om nom)(Wait, would that make the ice cream awesome colours?!!!)
Wet-Nap: Directions: Tear open packet and use. (Why can't I 'cut' it open? I have rights!)
Stridex Foaming Face Wash; May contain foam. (Gee, I wonder where they got that idea from.)
Bic Lighter; Ignite lighter away from face. (Why? Will I melt? Is it the law? Too bad, I'm a rebel!)
Komatsu Floodlight; this floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark. (so it IS a FLOOD light. Shocker.)
Mattress; Warning: Do not attempt to swallow (Well, I suppose 'attempt' is the crucial word)
Earplugs; These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe (Better not plug up the windpipe.)
Matches; Caution: Contents may catch fire. (They should stop making flammable matches)
Pepper Spray; Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes (why not? I want red eyes)
Rain Gauge; Suitable for outdoor use only. (Unless you have a really leaky ceiling)
RCA Television Remote Control; Not Dishwasher Safe (looks like my dishes can't watch the football games then)
Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire (looks like they are too flammable)
Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption (Even for Finnick Odair and Percy Jackson?)
Home Depot Treated Lumber; do not consume (even if I have a really, really big mouth!?)
Road Sign Caution: water on road during rain. (Now there's a surprise. I thought it rained chocolate milk)
Silk Soy Milk; Shake well and buy often (Such subtlety...)
Air Conditioner; Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioner out of windows. (can't pollute the streets)
Slush Puppy Cup; this ice may be cold (I thought ice was always hot!)
Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food (as opposed to putting it on Bendy)
Blanket from Taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado (I always have a blanket with me when there is a tornado)
Cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive with Sun Shield in Place. (but my car want to look cool.)
Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. (and how many people do that? O.o)
Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. (what about conditioner? Can they eat that?)
Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes. (really? Maybe I should test this out...)
Hair Dryer; Do not use in shower. (Tip; drying your hair whilst underwater is sort of pointless)
Hand-held Massaging Device; Do not use while sleeping or unconscious. (because someone always has an iron grip while unconsciously being massaged)
A toilet at a public sports facility; Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking. (you think?)
Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists; Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. so I guess I better get some to cover every part!)
Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter; Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks. (so what am I suppose to aim it at? Garble?)
Toner cartridge for a laser printer; Do not eat toner. (tastiest breakfast ever)
13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow; Not intended for highway use. (but it can be used, in a pinch, just not intended!)
Can of self-defence pepper spray; May irritate eyes. (I really, really hope so)
Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock"; eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. (May? Maybe they won't break my teeth.)
A frisbee Warning: May contain small parts. (if it's a tiny frisbee)
A toilet bowl cleaning brush; do not use orally. (oh God...)
A birthday card for a 1 year old; not suitable for children aged 36 months or less. (Now that's just sad...)
Heated seat cushion; Warning: Do not use on eyes. (so, I can't heat up eyes?)
Electric Cattle Prod; for use on animals only. (My brother counts, right?)
Can of air freshener; for use by trained personnel only. (What kind of training do you need to spray aerosol?)
Silly Putty; Do not use as ear plugs. (otherwise you'll hear silly thing)
Knife sharpening stone; Warning: knives are sharp! (Hopefully)
Rat Poison; Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. (but what does it do to rats?)
Portable stroller; Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. (Ah, babies are pretty foldable.)
Sign at a railroad station; Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (I think people would die of laughter as soon as they get within reading distance)
Package of dice; not for human consumption. (otherwise you can't gamble. Though... Ponies can eat it, right? They aren't humans.)
Shipment of hammers; May be harmful if swallowed. (Maybe yes, maybe not. Only way to see is to try it!)
Manual for an SGI computer; Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. (Yeah, you could damage the mouse!)
Box of bottle rockets; do not put in mouth. (I don't think parents want kids shooting off their mouths anymore then they do.)
Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack; Remove plastic before eating. (I can't eat it all?)
Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean; do not drive cars in ocean. (why not? They did it in Cars 2)
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert; Always drive on roads. Not on people. (but that's my favorite hobby!)
Bus Stop; No stopping or standing. (welp, guess we better change it to Bus Start)
Credit card statement; Payment is due by the due date. (I suppose that is why it's called the due date)
Laundromat triple washer; No small children. (But hey, they're so muddy, you can't actually see whether or not they're children)
Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11; Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. (but what do I do with the wrapper?)
Can of black pepper; Instructions: usage known. (maybe I don't know how to use it)
Espresso Kettle; the appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position. (what happens if you change it to the off position?)
T.V. manual; do not pour liquids into your television set. (It makes Discovery Channel sound weird)
Label on a hammer; Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object (ok then, looks like the nails are going to not be hit on the head)
Furniture Wipes; Do not use for a baby wipe. (babies aren't furniture?)
Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet; this is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision. (there goes my childhood)
Lawnmower Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning (Dun dun duh-dun)
Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle; do not open here. (Good idea! Why didn't I think of that...?)
Bottle of bathtub cleaner; for best results, start with clean bathtub before use. (paradox!)
Container of lighter fluid; WARNING: Contents flammable! (they better.)
Box of household nails; CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation! (the key word is 'may')
Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you remove the plastic and unfold it; Direction #1: Remove plastic. (bit late for that.)
Woolite carpet cleaner; safe for carpets, too! (otherwise you'll have to remove the 'carpet' part.)
Box of Frosted Cheerio's The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here." (sorry, I can't close this box. It's too good.)
Container of salt Warning: High in sodium (what? The salt is high?)
Hose Nozzle; do not spray into electrical outlet. (unless you want to die, of course!)
Chaos out!
Now go read the microwave directions for Pop Tarts
This has hurt my faith in humanity.
But was a great laugh
The sad part is that somewhere somebody did these things and now they have to waste space on the container warning people with actual sense not to do this. There was a model who sued a pharmacy once because they did not explain to her how to use contraceptive jelly and she ended up pregnant. She also said it tasted awful on toast.
Game on