Surprise! New Story for Scribblefest 2017: "Freedom Flourishes!"

With all the stuff going on with The Iron Horse, the deadline for Everfree Northwest's Scribblefest 2017 contest nearly got away from me!

No joke, this story has been floating around my noggin and when I saw that I was almost out of time, I banged this one-shot out in around 5-6 hours, getting it in just under the deadline. After all, it is the contest that I first entered when I registered here on FiMfiction, so I wanted to keep up the tradition of entering, gaining some attention, and then losing to Apple Bottoms again.

(I kid, he's a good guy. And yes, he's got a story this year too, as it so happens!)

Anyway, the theme this year is "Growing up wild and free." I think I fixed my mistake from last year and kept to the theme. (But still, "Marble's Horizon" is a story I'm extremely proud of - give it a look if you haven't yet!) Well, without further ado, here it is:

Freedom Flourishes

Note: Since it was a very late entry, there wasn't time to give it a lot of edits, although my pal Georg already gave me some good suggestions (Thanks, pal!). Just letting you know if you spot something amiss.

Comments

[Georg]

Control-F is your friend. I've been flat amazed at some of my stuff that I thought was perfect before I searched for two things:
'that' (My own discovery)
' as ' (Pascoite twisted my arm on this one)
',' (Seriously, I over-use commas far too much)

Every author develops a few words they use far too often. Helped edit for one that was addicted to 'on her face' such as "Twilight had an expression of horror on her face" Pray tell where else would that expression be?

Or 'and then' as a bridge between two action sentences. "Pinkie Pie opened up the box and then took out a blue balloon."

With most of these phrases, once or twice isn't bad. Five times in a sentence is. (I once hit six, but I write really long sentences)

[The Hat Man]

Or 'and then' as a bridge between two action sentences. "Pinkie Pie opened up the box and then took out a blue balloon."

I'm generally good with commas.

...That's a lie. Reese, my proofread guy, hunts down grammar and punctuation errors and devours their souls.