• Member Since 14th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Feb 20th, 2020

whiterook6


Software Developer and amateur writer.

More Blog Posts17

  • 253 weeks
    Epilogue - Author's Notes

    tl;dr: The color of a Unicorn’s magic is as unique as one of our finger prints. To see a room colored just so would be reassuring to a Unicorn in trouble.

    ---


    The Friendship Express: sometimes I forget just how young the target age is for this show.

    Read More

    1 comments · 639 views
  • 253 weeks
    The Southern Orchard - Author's Notes

    tl;dr: Don’t buck apple trees if you’re tired. You’re liable to pull something.

    ---

    What would it be like to not cast a shadow? Hold your hand up over your face to block the sun. Can you still see the light source? If so, how do you see through your hand? If not, how is the skin immediately around your eyes illuminated? I mean, magic, sure. But how?

    ---

    Read More

    0 comments · 479 views
  • 253 weeks
    Mini Guide: Getting Featured

    Getting a story featured is a combination of reader count, likes vs. dislikes, age, and momentum. This means get lots of readers fast, and get them to like and comment. For subsequent chapters, you want the original readers to watch and favorite the story so they’ll be notified right away when you update.

    How to get lots of readers fast:

    Read More

    0 comments · 876 views
  • 255 weeks
    Do not Fuck with Apples - Author's Notes

    tl;dr: There’s a reason there’s only one apple farm in all of Ponyville, and it ain’t because they’re lacking in space or demand.

    ---

    Read More

    1 comments · 486 views
  • 257 weeks
    Betrayal - Author's Notes

    tl;dr: HE STOLE IT RIGHT OUT OF HER SADDLEBAGS.

    ---

    I’m nervous. I’m really nervous. Not about Chapter 14 — that’s easy. Slam Dunk. Straight Value. I’m scared because I’m not finished Chapter 15 and I’ve only got a month left. It’s gotta be good. It’s gotta carry its weight. It’s gotta follow Chapter 14 — a tough requirement if ever — and I’m not sure that it does, yet.

    Read More

    0 comments · 402 views
Jan
31st
2017

The Southern Orchard - Author's Notes · 1:21am Jan 31st, 2017

tl;dr: Don’t buck apple trees if you’re tired. You’re liable to pull something.

---

What would it be like to not cast a shadow? Hold your hand up over your face to block the sun. Can you still see the light source? If so, how do you see through your hand? If not, how is the skin immediately around your eyes illuminated? I mean, magic, sure. But how?

---

So that’s it. They spent an afternoon and a night underground. During that time they’ve fallen, drowned, climbed, ran, dodged, and exploded. Busy night. Can they physically have done all that in one night? I imagine the city wasn’t much larger than a couple miles. Maybe ten? How long does it take to run 3 miles and walk the other 7? About 4, it looks like. So, intense moments of near-death experiences spread out among hours of tedium and boredom. That’s gotta do something to the heart.

---

To be honest, I’m not happy with this argument. I really don’t feel like I understand why they’re all mad, and in my head I don’t hear Applejack, Dash, and Twilight speaking; I hear my own voice. That’s not good.

But I’ve heard my voice for most of the story, anyways. I have a hard time hearing Applejack admitting to arson, assault, and vigilante justice. Funnily enough, I have no trouble hearing Dash sob like a little child.

---

A dream sequence is best done quickly and overtly. Audiences will feel exasperated and bored by sudden “It was just a dream!” moments. If you rely on a dream sequence to achieve tension or suspense, your story isn’t good enough on its own. Put another way, a dream sequence should achieve something that cannot be achieved during the waking life.

Much more valuable that a dream sequence is a flashback. You would still make it obvious, but anything that occurs within a flashback is guaranteed to have real consequences to the story, and so creates tension and foreshadowing. People misuse flashbacks, which is why they get a bad reputation. A flashback should still tell more story than the reader already knew.

---

I bet y’all were hoping for The Couch. I know yer type. Here’s how it would’ve gone, if I were so inclined (which I am not):

Applejack stumbles down the stairs after putting Twilight to bed and explaining things briefly to her brother, and finds Rainbow Dash staring at a pile of blankets and pillows. Applejack wonders what in Equestria is so hard about making a couch bed.

Dash jumps, hearing Applejack. “I was just—” she manages. “How do you wanna . . . ?”

Applejack shrugs. “Yer either sharin’ the couch or sleepin’ on the floor.”

“Couch, please,” Dash says, trying not to sound too nervous. Like it’s no big thing.

Applejack takes the blankets from Dash and dresses the couch without fuss, then climbs aboard. Yawns pull at her face as she holds open the blankets. “Don’t be shy, I’m too tired to play coy.”

Dash scoffs. “I don’t get shy. Just wondering how to fit my wings so they don’t hit you. They’re pretty awesome, you know. The wings.”

Dash is soft and warm and if she weren’t so tired Applejack would probably be having second thoughts. But once she reaches around to hold Dash in place she promptly passes out.

Her internal clock hasn’t stopped, and she awakens as the sun is approaching the horizon. Dash has climbed up and is cuddled up around Applejack. She’s a mouth breather, apparently. Gross. Cute.

Dash’s breathing changes abruptly. She’s woken herself up, and quickly stills, hoping not to wake Applejack up.

Applejack mutters, “Sorry to wake ya. Go back to sleep.”

“Too tired to sleep,” Dash mutters, her voice slurred with sleep. “Also you snore.”

“Mouth breather,” Applejack teases. They’re quiet for a moment more. Applejack wonders if she should just go back to sleep, but her family will be getting up soon, anyways.

Dash is shaking, slightly. “You okay, Sug’?”

“Sure. Super tired.”

“Dash.”

Dash shakes her head and squeezes tight and doesn’t say anything. Applejack thinks Dash is sniffling. “I thought I was going to die. Down there. Because I was too scared to leave Twilight and save us instead.”

“It’s okay, Sug. Yer so tired that yer getting emotional. It’s the adrenaline.” Applejack squeezes back and whispers, “Ah won’t tell anypony.”

Dash nods. She’s holding back sobs--Applejack can feel her chest contracting and her breathing forced into regularity. She’s pressed her face into Applejack’s chest and there are tears on Applejack’s coat.

“It’s okay,” Applejack soothes.

Dash gulps. “Sorry.” She hugs, and Applejack is all too willing to hug back. Dash’s crying subsides. Applejack knows Dash can’t actually just let herself go and cry herself out—she’s getting it under control, instead. Bottled up. Silly filly. She’ll be upset and dramatic later.

Dash looks up at Applejack. It’s still too dark to make out her facial expression. Hopefully Dash can’t see her face either.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“You won’t Sug.”

Dash nuzzles cheek to cheek, then nose to nose, and then their lips are together and it’s not weird at all.

Then Big Mac walks down the stairs, since he gets up at the same time as Applejack, and then a moment later, Twilight too, because why not? AND THEN THEY ALL FUCK THE END.

---

I really get a kick out of taking characters from a kid’s cartoon and putting them through grown-up situations. That’s why I’ve focused so much on near-death, swearing, violence, and drama. This kind of shit wouldn’t’ve happened in the show.

If you want a Daring Do adventure that (to me) seems like it could’ve actually been broadcast, check out Daring Do and the Secret of the Sunken City and give it some love.

---


I just want to thank you all SO MUCH. It means SO MUCH to me!

Thank you all for indulging my desire to write a romping, roaring adventure story. I’ve posted an Epilogue alongside this chapter. Also included is a little gift to all you readers. Enjoy!

With assistance from Daetrin. Cover art by Foxinshadow. Alternate cover art by Diremuffin.

-wr

Comments ( 0 )
Login or register to comment