The Buttery Snake Show: Why on Earth did he Make Another Sequel?

Once again the curtains rose, but being made mostly from old canvas drop cloths and hung on shower rods, the process was neither quick nor quiet.
“Darn budget cuts,” said Buttery Snake, standing on his desk and trying to push the smelly curtains away with his hooves. Upon noticing that there was an audience, however, he sat down. “Hello there!” he said. “And- -um- -welcome to the Buttery Snake show! The only show where all the voices are in one guy’s head, and his head is usually NOT stuck in the mailbox! Except that one time…”
“Boo!” shouted a member of the audience. “This is a dumb format, and nobody reads the blog posts anyway!”
“Quiet, you! I have a sticky note that says people do in fact read these! I wrote the number on it myself!”
“Boo!”
“Security! Get the ghost out of here! Get him out!”
Security did not come, of course, because nobody had paid them and they left. So Buttery continued on.
“Alright, let’s see. I didn’t read the script, so…blah blah blah, milk and eggs, don’t stick your- -wait a second. Mass Core sequel?” Buttery’s yellow eyes widened, contributing to that cliché description used about a billion times in every Unwhole Hole story. “Why in the name of Celestia’s exorbitantly firm flank would he write a Luna-kissed MASS CORE sequel?”
“Because I wanted to, mostly,” said Unwhole Hole, who was sitting on an old wire spool labeled with a sticky-note saying “guest chair” on it.
Buttery nearly flew out of his seat, sending pens and several mugs of coffee flying. “Where did you come from?!”
“Where did I come from? You do realize that I’m writing this, right? As in right now?”
“Maybe,” said Buttery Snake, his nose scrunching. “But seriously, Hole. I know the motto is ‘digging it deeper’, but come ON. Another sequel? You remember what happened to ‘Four Yellow’, right?”
“Yes. I remember.”
“As in, it flopped. Hard.”
“And I fully anticipate that ‘Crimson Horizon’ will flop even harder.”
“Ah. I see. So imagine you’re the kind of person who sticks his or her head into a ceiling fan for fun.”
“Not us usually, no.”
“Then your pe- -”
“In the toaster? No. Not that either.”
“Then why wright a story that’s doomed to, well, stink up the joint?”
Unwhole Hole sighed. “To be honest? For fun. It’s the only reason I write these things. I’ve written so much stuff. And not even the pony stuff, before that. And no human being ever read it. I mean, five-hundred page novels, sometimes. Not a single soul read them. Ever. Not even me.”
Buttery snake backed away slowly. “So, you’re nuts in the nut, then?”
“No. I hope not, my insurance doesn’t cover that. But the point is, I wrote this because I wanted to. Same reason I do anything.” Unwhole Hole paused, though, considering. “But I have to admit, it is getting…harder.”
“Harder?”
“Eh. I think it’s just doing two sequels in a row. That’s the problem.”
“How so?”
“Sequels do really poorly unless you have a big audience. I mean, if you have hundreds upon hundreds of readers waiting for the sequel to their favorite story? Yeah, that might do well. But one of these ‘add-on’ sequels by one of the most obscure authors in the joint?”
“Nobody gives to rat’s butts to rub together.”
“Eew. No. It’s just the kinetics. People see the story, and when they see it’s a sequel to another very long story- -one they’ve never even heard of- -it puts them off. I get that. ‘Four Yellow’ peaked at around 30 views.”
“That’s still not nearly as bad as your ‘forgotten story’.”
“That thing? Yeah. Nobody read that. Although we did get a new viewer last week. 13 views total now. Honestly, though, I don’t blame them. Kind of a weird story type. All OCs, no canon characters.”
“Eew.”
“Exactly.”
“So, this story you just made. Want to give us a summary?”
“Sure. It’s five years after the last ‘Mass Core’, and Starlight is much more powerful. She gets sucked into a bunch of diplomatic stuff with the Council and eventually gets picked to help deal with the Crimson Horizon, a lost ship teased in the last story.”
“I see. And the Event Horizo- -I mean Crimson Horizon is associated with Sunset Shimmer.”
“Yes. She plays the villain in this. Adorable pony. Not well suited to this role, though.”
“What? You cast her, dumkoff.”
“I know, I know- -but that’s what I think is wrong with this story. Ultimately, I reached too far. There’s too many characters, too many competing plots, and a lot of the characters end up coming off sounding similar. Sunset’s the main villain, but she’s only in, like, four scenes.”
“So you’re saying its bad, then?”
“It’s not the worst. It’s not good though.”
“What do you think the ratio is going to be?”
“100% dislike. That’s how it goes with sequels. So few people read them that the entire bar is dominated by the ‘phantom five.’”
“You mean like that ghost?”
“Boo!” yelled the ghost from the audience. “Post is too long!”
“Sort of. Weird thing about these stories, there’s always five dislikes. They often show up within two or three hours of posting. No explanation, no comments. They just show up, hit the button, and leave. Seems like they only read a paragraph or two.”
“Freaky.”
“I know. I really wish they would say what turns them off about the story. Then I could make much better stories. See last blog post.”
“And viewership overall?”
“Twenty, tops. Which I can accept. As long as I don’t look at the other Mass Effect crossovers.”
“Why?”
“Have you seen their stats?”
“No. I’m a fictional character, I don’t ‘see’ anything. That said, you’re really, really bad at pathos. Those stories are actually good, with touching scenes and love stories. And no Robette of Bordeaux.”
“Don’t say her name. If you say it too much, she shows up.”
“Right. I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then, though,” Buttery Snake addressed the audience, which was actually an empty auditorium with one ghost and D27 both watching. “Thanks for tuning in. We’ll be back next time to- -” The shower curtain holding the stained curtains broke, and they fell on Buttery. “Well, we’ll see when we get there. I guess…”

Comments

[Opium4TmassS]

Your an underated writer and Im enjoying your works tremendously.

[Unwhole Hole]

4523119 Thank you. I appreciate that greatly.