Minor Public Service Announcement: How to Write Passing Out. · 8:05am Jul 7th, 2016
There are times when a character will pass out. Maybe they're malnourished, maybe their blood pressure drops, maybe they're grievously injured. And usually, if you don't want to add too much detail to it, just saying 'Everything went dark' will suffice. It's accurate, brief, it gets the job done.
But what if you want to really hammer home the impact of it? What if it's in combat, and they're being choked? What if it's a particularly important event, and it needs to be given enough detail to convey its significance? Well, here are some tips for you.
Tip 1: You don't notice passing out, but you notice waking up.
One of the reasons there's not a lot of detail to passing out is that your senses go out. Everything going black is a pretty accurate description, but if it's something with a slow onset it's more like seeing little blue specks before a blackness creeps up on the edges of your vision. Trouble breathing, especially through the nose, is also a good lead-up, as is throbbing in the head and heart.
However, waking up is literally coming back to your senses. One by one, you start noticing things, depending on how you went down. So don't stare yourself blind on the process of losing consciousness: the process of regaining it has a lot of potential for storytelling, too. Also remember that when you lose consciousness, you're essentially going to sleep. You can have dreams when passed out, and realising you're dreaming helps you wake up. Different characters will get their senses back in a different order, and the dreams they get will be different, also. So while passing out is typically a generic experience, waking up is not.
Tip 2: Passing out happens in a direction.
If, for example, the subject is on a country road, you can add descriptions of the surroundings that they fall into. Case in point: if they're standing facing the direction of the road, then they will fall on a hard surface, maybe gravelly. If they have the presence of mind to turn towards the grass on the edge, they'll land somewhere soft. Know the surroundings of your character, so you can predict their injuries, if any.
This is particularly important if they know they're going down. A creeping sense of overheating, loss of breath, it's always possible a character tries to sit down before it's too late. But in that case, the same rules of blue specks, throbbing heads, and whatnot, apply. Oh, and trying to sit down might actually cause them to drop, because the knees give way.
The pony equivalent would be lying down, and most of the pressure will be on the front legs in that case. When in doubt, consider which part of the body is holding up the weight of the head. That's the important weight that's dropped.
Tip 3: Landing has its own procedure, and it hurts.
If you've ever seen someone get blasted by an energy beam in the movies, you may have noticed the dramatic falling forwards: knees give out, then the torso hits the ground, along with the arms and face. That's not just for drama, it's pretty accurate. When your muscles lose strength, you basically try to lie down, except because of the loss of strength it happens too quickly. If the character falls forward, and if they happen to land on some gravel, the underside of the chin and the palms of the hands are the major points of concern, especially if they manage to break their fall with their hands.
Now, for a pony, the first thing to go will be the front legs, then chest, then the hind legs will stretch out and the whole body hits the ground. Again, the underside of the chin gets the worst of it. I specify it's the underside of the chin because that part is not visible unless you tilt your head up: other characters aren't going to see that particular injury unless it's explicitly shown. The area around the collar bone can get banged up, too. This is assuming they don't turn in mid-fall, of course, but in that case they likely stumbled on something first. Same rules apply: know what lands on rocks, what lands hardest, what's covered or not. For ponies, the entirety of the torso can get dirty, but depending on the speed of the fall it wouldn't draw blood. The chin probably would, though, since that goes down last, when the body can't hold it up anymore.
Tip 4: Eating dirt is not just an expression.
When you pass out, you lose all strength in your muscles, including the jaw. Your mouth may not be open when you go down, but there's a good chance it opens when you're dreaming. So you can indeed get some sand in your mouth. It's kind of like what happens when you go to the beach and the wind blows some of it in your mouth, or when you're eating mussels and one of the little bastards has a tiny bit of oceanic real estate in its shell.
Tip 5: You do not want to move too much afterwards.
The throbbing in the head that may precede a fainting spell doesn't necessarily go away when you wake up. Depending on the circumstances, the brain starts crying out for more oxygen, or the body cries out for cooling. Have the character start breathing through the mouth (and don't forget the dry throat and eating dirt when they do) and possibly shed some of the warmer (and now dirty) clothes.
There, five tips for a proper faint. And for my encore, a completely unrelated note: don't take a walk through the countryside witout your cellphone; calling for help is a lot more secure an option than having to stumble home in pain.
Peace, y'all.
Cracker out.
P.S.: Tomorrow's my birthday. I have no idea how to feel about it.
That's awfully specific, wisecracker.
Did you faint?
4074733
Let's just say that my way of coping with scary or stressful experiences is to share them as writing tips. It helps make the experience less personal, while still informing people who might want to know, either on a personal level or to know why work is delayed. I prefer to be informative, not bother people with personal stuff. Like Spock's story, I'd rather make something postive out of that than to just cry about it online. My online persona is the only one with social contacts, so I'm really careful with those.
Anyways, short answer: yes. Went for a walk, usual route, then breath went wonky, blood pressure plummeted, rest went along with it. By the time I realised I should sit down in the grass, I was face down in the dirt. And only after getting back home and resting did my body decide to tell me "Oh, by the way, you're running a fever now, too." Scary experience, but I get this stomach bug every year around the same time, either when the weather changes or I get a stressful test (or both). Never made me faint, though...
4075040 And you didn't even wake up in Equestria afterwards!
4075293
I know, right? I didn't even wake up in a different body or nothing!
A few quick things to add. First, one thing I like to do is describe one quick detail, often about the ground, and just stop. leave the incomplete thought and move on, the sentence done, but the paragraph meeting an abrupt end.
Second is this all only applies if you want realism. Being very suddenly aware and alert after waking up might make perfect sense for a healing spell, same thing with the lingering pain. Also if the faint is pure internal shock for an otherwise impervious character (or close enough) then it doesn't matter they hit the ground, or at least it only does because they left divots in the stonework when they hit the ground.
Third, ouch. Sorry to hear that happened to you.
4078063
Umm... if they're impervious in the sense that their skin is very thick, yes, it does indeed not matter. But if impact on the bones does matter, even a bit, then the impact on the jaw is one approach. Or, hey, waking up with a slight cramp because they went down in an awkward position. And yes, it doesn't come up often that you add detail to something, but it might help to know how when it comes up.
Thanks for the input
4079698 Oh it's very useful in general, and depending on your own style and the story in question it's super useful. My only point is that with magic, realism can actually break willing suspension of disbelief. Also if the magic isn't common or the character is likely to have suffered without it at least once the character waking up fine and being confused about it could be fun. Dash has almost certainly suffered minor head trauma she didn't have treated for sure. In fact just go this scene in my head where she slams into something and then stops mid sentence telling someone she's fine but passes out instead. You might even get some dark humor from bugging Twilight about missing symptoms and assuming something is wrong rather than a healing spell. Breaking the rules works better if you know them, and this is nice set of rules. I just felt the need to mention there are cases where you in fact should break them.
4083195
Amen to that, my friend.