Writing for Happiness · 11:21am Jun 15th, 2016
Hey folks! Hope y'all are doing well. 
I try not to do too many blog posts like this because I don't want to come across as preachy or that I'm telling any of you how to live your life. You're all wonderful and should do what makes sense to you and ignore me if what I say doesn't jive for you, because I'm no more qualified to yammer about these things than anyone else.
So, what I want to talk about today is writing—or doing anything—for happiness. You know what people (including myself) say: "Write for yourself, not for anyone else or for fame!" But how do we do that? How do we not get disappointed if something we work really hard on goes unnoticed? I have a few thoughts about this that I want to share if you're interested.
I may seem like a hypocrite, right? What does Crystal know about struggling? Oh, come on, you don't really think I just walked onto the site and had 700+ followers from the get-go, do you? 
Let me recap my journey, because I want you to understand... I've been there. I completely and wholly empathize with the feeling of being ignored for my hard work. Between the bars is personal journey stuff; skip it to get to my advice.
When I was twelve, I started writing DBZ fanfiction. I kept that to myself, but it sparked a desire to write. A need to write. So I got involved in roleplaying chatrooms, and that scratched the itch. Then when I was in seventh or eighth grade, there was a writing competition in the school. I worked up the nerve to write something. I thought it was amazing and was thrilled when I tied for first place in the Fantasy category. That little cheap paper award told me that I was going to be a great writer.
Of course, nothing's that simple! I started writing stories and posting them to writing communities/forums. No comments. No more paper awards. No gushing praise. Where was my award-won audience? I was discouraged, but not defeated. I kept writing. I wrote tons of little stories... and I never finished any of them because no one cared to read them.
I tried fanfiction.net. I tried bookcountry.com. I tried writing community after writing community. No one was listening. For over ten years, I kept throwing my literary heart out into the void and heard nothing. Then I joined fimfiction.net. I posted a little FlutterCord thing. Eventually, it got few comments... I posted more chapters... and it got a few more comments. Finally!
Then, of course, six or seven months later, I started Wishes. That's when everything took off, right? Nope.
For a while, I was posting a chapter every day. Hovering over the chart says on day one, I got 298 views, but I can damn well guarantee I got no such thing. Looking in the code that builds the chart, it says 12. That's more what I remember. Twelve people clicked my story the first day. It got one comment from someone who had followed me during my FlutterCord days, and another comment from someone else. 97xxfastbike joined the comments a couple days later. Some more updates later, someone else started commenting. Then Lord Legion surfaced in the comment section.
I had about four dedicated commentators for the first twenty chapters of Wishes. At about twenty-five chapters, I started to see new names in the comment section. That was roughly 60k words into the story by then.
So... yes. I understand the grind. It took me about 13 years to get four people regularly commenting on my story that I was updating every day. I sympathize. I empathize! And, now that I've derailed with the personal stuff, let's get on to what you actually want to hear: something hopefully useful!
First and foremost, I think what needs to be understood about "write for yourself, not for fame" is why. I'm sure that's obvious to most, but I want to touch on why you should take that advice to heart. Because it's sustainable. You can't control fame, you can't control success, you can't control popularity... in short, you can't control others. You can, however, control yourself. When the going gets tough and the comments or attention or views aren't coming in the way you hoped for, all you can control is how you feel.
That is why what you need to do in writing, in art, in any hobby that you want to enjoy is to find happiness you can control. You must, I feel, be able to derive happiness from your hobby that is within your control if you want to truly enjoy it. Fame, success, popularity, comments, views, likes, favorites... you can't control any of these. It's okay to enjoy comments! I'm not saying you shouldn't be happy about external factors... but you need internal happiness, because when those external ones are slow-going, you have a safety net.
For example, I am happy when I get feedback. Super happy! I'm happy when someone sends me a PM to talk about one of my chapters. I'm happy when the folks in the Q&B Discord channel talk about what's going on with my characters. But I can't control these things. What I can control are my two main internal happiness drives: having fun with my husband, and posting chapters until I can put that sweet, sweet 'Complete' flag on there. When it really comes down to it, those are the two things I want to do and bring me happiness to keep me going. This is all really just something Anzel and I do together. It's a hobby and a passion we share. That makes me happier than any comment y'all can leave.
So, let me reiterate: find happiness you can derive from yourself. If you're posting those stories and those chapters and the attention isn't panning out the way you wanted, you have to rely on yourself. Reader attention can't be your primary source of happiness, because it's just not reliable. Because at the end of the day, why are you writing? Why are you drawing? Hopefully because you want to. Because you need to. Because you have that burning passion in your soul that can't be extinguished. Hold on to that passion and let it be your light.
Really well said crystal, that's the reason i wrote my story, to see if i could, and to see if this could be a good coping mechanism for what happened to me.
Stay awesome!
As a person who has been attempting for a long time to sell his work to the public, whilst also trying to derive pleasure from what I am doing (and as a creepy stalker of your work, of course), I completely agree with everything you said, Crystal.
As long as there shall be at least one person happy with what I am doing – like me, for instance – I shall not stop writing and sharing my stories with everyone.
Inspirational blog post. Also, the reason your numbers feel high is because they are. Fimfic has been squishing numbers together when it's over a longer period of time. To get your actual counts, you can compress the time period using the arrows on the graph to zoom in, so to speak.
This is definitely an important lesson for writers to take to heart. I know with my own story series that it's taking a long time to get ANYONE to read it, so all I can do is enjoy the writing and continue on with it regardless of views or comments.
Who knows, maybe someday I'll become a popular author on here, get my story posted in the feature box, but until then it's just slow going and writing for me.
This is really something I suffer from and should learn from.
I see. The takeaway here is that a captive audience is the best kind of audience. Stock up on ropes and doritos before publishing folks.
Wow.
I read your wonderful blog.
I'm really amazed that you found me influential enough to call me out by name. I actually had to go back and re-read my first few comments. I didn't think I had done or said anything special.
That's a life-lesson for me on making sure the first words I speak or write to another be edifying and encouraging. I can never know what strength that other person can draw.
I have noticed how you and Ansel deal with more difficult critics. You have always taken the high road. I respect that, and I have learned from your example.
I guess that we have been mutually beneficial, and that makes me happy!
I was directed here by my two friends, who also write on here. They thought why I wasn't continuing my stories, what's gotten me down and how they kept telling me not to be bothered about the consequences. Funny how it takes a small look at someone's blog to realise my own enjoyment in writing and how it is a very long road. Thank you.
Hope you have an awesome time, once again thank you.
None of this post pertains to me in the least but I'm actually drawn to your posts. Don't ask me why because I have no idea; I just like the way you write. This is a post that should go viral around the world in my opinion... I've had many friends ask me why their stories don't hit it off the bat and I can't ever explain it to them because what I say usually goes right over their heads. I myself have no writing experience because I'm more of an artist myself but I love to read and I love reading stories that can paint their own images in my head (which is one of the reasons I read your works by the way). I've got friends that ask me the questions you seem to have just given the answers to so I'll probably be sending them to this post. I myself can't explain it like you just did. It's an experience thing. I don't have the will or time to post countless pictures on the internet so I don't quite have the experience and my work life takes up the time I'd need to do such a thing :)
Best wishes Crystal :D
4025431 Hahahah! Don't worry too much! I didn't mean to call you out to make you nervous. I just appreciate that you've been a reader for so long!
4026713 Aw, thank your friends for me for the compliment of sharing this post! I'm glad it could help you. I hope you're able to get some of that weight off your shoulders and keep writing!
4028105 Well! Some really nice words in there, thank you.
I'm nervous to do posts like these because, like I said, I don't want to preach. But this is something I see a lot of people struggle with, and if my thoughts can make things easier for someone, then I'm glad I decided to post!
You are one of the best inspiration's a person can have. I am so glad to have stumbled across this story. My friend and I discuss Crystal and her escapades so much when we see each other, it was almost a source of unity between us, and I love it. There aren't many things that unify people like a good story, and I was fortunate enough to find one.
Thank you.
Enough of my sentimental rambling! How's about a joke, huh?
Why can't you email a photo to a jedi?
Because attachments aren't allowed!!
4129097 Aww... That's absolutely sweet of you, thank you so much.
I'm humbled and flattered that my writing could affect a life in that way, so thank you and your friend for enjoying my works that much. 