Two Background Ponies Quickie: "The Crystalling" Aftermath · 12:02am Mar 29th, 2016
(I didn't want to put this here, but I've got no place better...)
On yet another sunny day in the increasingly-less-exciting town of Ponyville, a green stallion and a blue stallion were out at their favorite eatery and enjoying their favorite cookie pasttime.
The blue stallion was frowning as he flipped through a magazine that had recently come in the mail, while the green stallion was reading the paper; absent-mindedly dunking one of his sandwich cookies in a nearby glass of milk. Unfortunately, he held too long, and it suddenly fell through his hoof(?) entirely. He looked up in alarm, then frowned as he reached for a fresh one.
"Boy am I glad I'm not a crystal pony."
The green stallion looked up slightly from his paper. "Say what, Sam?"
The blue stallion gestured to the magazine. "We got one of these in the mail since we're a young couple. They send them out to everypony who is just in case they're crystal ponies. Apparently it's full of Crystalling merchandise, accessories, memorabilia, engravings, party favors...all that stuff you would need if you had a Crystalling."
The green one rubbed his jaw. "Crystalling? Isn't that where you get that one guy with the special shears to take the newborn male foal and-"
"No, no, no, Carl. You're thinking of Luna worshipers. This is where you have to entrust the baby to the crystal heart idol or somesuch and you make like that one goat elf in that one movie and put their crystal into it and it makes it brighter."
"Huh...kinda weird."
"Kind of expensive, you mean. You know how much a good piece of crystal costs? And you're just going to shove it into another crystal after one day. Glad that's one tradition that never carried over to earth ponies."
Carl blinked a moment. His eye began to get "that look". After a moment he frowned. "What exactly do crystal ponies do, Sam?"
Putting down the magazine, the blue stallion looked up. "Huh?"
"What exactly do crystal ponies do? Are they even really part of Equestria? Earth ponies take care of animals and plants. Pegasi change the weather. Unicorns raise the...I mean...do magic..." He grimaced. "Which is...apparently a job...but what do crystal ponies do?"
Sam shrugged. "I dunno. Move to the Crystal Empire?"
Carl frowned more as he held up the paper. "I'd say 'be stupid'. Check it out." He pointed to the headline. "That big deal over in the Arctic? Three dozen crystal ponies had to be treated for frostbite because even though the temperature was literally falling a quarter of a degree per second, they still thought it was all part of the Royal Crystalling. And that's nothing compared to the ten that got third degree burns for not evacuating that movie theater that caught on fire because they thought they'd bring out popcorn any second. And I don't think I need to remind you of the tragedy last summer on that whole group that had a picnic out in a category five tornado..."
Sam shrugged again. "Well, in their defense, pegasi normally manage that stuff..."
"I think being in 'Magic Limbo' for a thousand years damaged their brains." The green stallion answered with a head shake, looking back to the paper. "And check this out. Looks like the Royal Religious Scribe finally quit."
"Huh? What do you mean 'finally'?"
"Couldn't take it anymore, dude. It got too confusing for him. Check out the latest edition of the Equestria Bible." He reached to his side for his saddlebags, then pulled out a thick book. Opening it up, he flipped to one passage and passed it to Sam to read. The blue stallion leaned over and read aloud.
"'There are only two alicorns in existence...except for the one who rules the Crystal Empire...and the one from Ponyville...who is the Princess of Friendship. Alicorns are immortal...when they're natural born. Otherwise they age and die...except when they get abnormally long life spans...and there are no natural born ones anyway...except for the one who was born in the Crystal Empire...who is a princess...?' Wow."
"Yeah. Check it out. He got to the point where he was including his question marks. But you have to admit, Sam. We have no idea what an alicorn is or where it comes from anymore. Pretty much every time Equestria comes close to nailing it, something else happens." He frowned as he looked up to the nearest flagpole. "And I still haven't figured out why Celestia and Luna are on that flag when they didn't rule Equestria when it was made... I mean," He looked back to Sam and threw his hooves in the air. "What are alicorns, Sam? Are they natural born? Are they symbols of virtue? Are they marks of destiny? Are they evidence of a greater design? Are they abnormal mutations from too much rainbow factory runoff?"
"I don't know, Carl...maybe they're just a rare birth from a pegasi and unicorn union. You know, like mules."
The green stallion tapped his hoof against his chin.
"Maybe...just maybe..." He answered, growing more thoughtful. "An alicorn isn't a physical state at all but a state of being or even a state of mind. Maybe an alicorn isn't actually a type of creature at all but a construct of pony perception or state of enlightenment. A point in which a pony realizes that there is neither earth pony nor pegasi nor unicorn. There is only pony, and every pony is both one and all as well as all and one. Perhaps one gains the state of alicorn neither by virtue or by genes but rather by attaining a sort of state of nirvana. The mental and spiritual equivalent of being presented with a choice of either A or B and picking a choice not presented. A point at which the mind escapes its own self-conscious limitations that were ingrained in the psyche from the point of birth and at which point a pony no longer accepts reality as fact but treats reality itself as a concept and an illusion merely perpetuated by one's own sensual limitations and that by transcending those a whole new stream of awareness is attained. There is no spoon...there is no cookie...there is no Equestria...there is only the self-awareness that a pony exists and all else in the world is merely how it chooses and responds to what is all entirely within their own consciousness."
Sam stared blankly back at Carl, his eyes a bit widened. As for Carl, he frowned and shrugged.
"...Or maybe some god somewhere only wanted two alicorns but lesser gods demanded there be more because they thought that sounded good."
The blue stallion nearly responded, when he was cut off.
"Package for Mr. Sistency and Mr. Listens-to-Carl's-Problems!"
Both ponies turned and looked, just in time to see a delivery pony plop a small brown package in front of them. A moment later, a clipboard was shoved in front of their faces.
"Sign here, please."
Sam took the pen-on-a-chain attached with his teeth and did so. After dotting it, he gave a nod to him. The deliverypony merely stood there. He looked to Sam, then to Carl, and held out a hoof.
"Uh, how about a tip?"
"A little salt and peanut butter with baby oil would have solved all the problems in the Crystal Empire." Carl dully answered.
The deliverypony frowned, turned, and trotted off. As for Sam, he leaned over and began to open the package.
"That's a bit odd...who would be sending us a package?"
"Yeah. Nobody calls me 'Mr. Sistency'. And why would they send it here rather than where we live?"
"Well, we always hang out in public here, Carl."
The package open, Sam reached inside and grabbed what was within. Frowning a bit more, he slowly pulled it out in confusion.
"What is it?"
"It's...a...name tag?"
He held it out to Carl to look at. Sure enough, it was indeed a name tag shaped like some sort of pegasus that delivered, only not the same kind as the one who just delivered to them.
"...Why would somepony send us a name tag?"
Carl raised a brow. "Let me see the name on it."
Sam moved his hoof.
Package Deal.
"...What does that mean?"
I have to say, I am glad to hear from you, especially given the gold mine these episodes represent to Carl... though I admit that I'm as perplexed as they are with the name tag.
3833654 Two hints.
1. Remember the story that was tagged in this post.
2. What's that flying in the background at the end of "The Crystalling"?