It doesn't have to be this way. · 4:12pm Dec 18th, 2015
I don't usually make blogs about my personal life, but this is something I had to get off my chest, almost literally. And there may be something extra in it for you. I hope so, in a way, but I mainly hope not. Feel free to read, regardless; I'll try to keep it entertaining.
I've been overweight for almost all of my adult life. I never really regarded it as a problem, it just seemed to me a part of who I was. But approaching the end of 2009, I had become a Quinbus Flestrin—a man-mountain. I was heading up to 340 pounds. I once broke a client's handmade chair by accident just by sitting in it. I once took a perfectly good shirt and ruined it by slicing it down the back just so I could wear it under a suit jacket. Whenever I sat in a chair too long and stretched my back, I got a tingling sensation and felt as if I would pass out.
Things were getting worse as I got older. I suffered from chest, arm and neck pains regularly, and these pains made me think they were early signs of a heart attack, which would induce a panic attack, which would further convince me that I was having a heart attack... And around it went. In short, I was growing certain that I was doomed to die young.
Eventually I had had enough. I did some research online, came across John Walker's Hacker's Diet, read it and was convinced by it that there was some hope for me. (As the name implies, the book is good at explaining to geeks and engineers just what has to be done to lose weight.) I had a go at it in 2008 and didn't stick with it, but in December 2009 I was determined to make a serious effort.
When I began the diet in earnest, I didn't know just how much I weighed. My digital scale was only accurate up to about 330 pounds. When I stepped on it, the display would read "EEEE", which I joked was its way of saying "Eeeeee! Get offa me!" When I eventually saw actual numbers on the scale, as large as they were, it was a small victory.
I took off 80 pounds within the first year. In the years following, I drifted off the diet and back on, and bounced up again a few times, but never went higher than ~280. At present, I am down to 250 pounds, and I am pushing myself to finish it once and for all. I have about 25 pounds to go before I reach a healthy weight.
The effects have been dramatic. It's as if I've been carrying sacks full of lead bricks around with me all my life, and am just now being allowed to put them down and relax. My health issues are much improved. The spring is returning to my step. I've learned to manage my stress, and I haven't had a full scale panic attack in years. I actually take joy now in shopping for nice clothes (within reason; there's no point in paying full price for new clothes that I will shrink out of in short order.)
And often, I will encounter a person who is now where I was back then. It breaks my heart. I want to tell them.
It doesn't have to be this way.
You don't have to live in fear of your own body all the time.
You don't have to walk down the street as a figure of fun, with people either staring at you or doing their best to avoid eye contact with you.
You can walk into any clothes store and expect to find something on the rack that will fit you.
You can take control of your life and change it for the better.
Being overweight is not an intrinsic part of who you are. It is not an ethical or moral failing on your part. It is not an identity to bear proudly. It is not a burden you are doomed to carry. It is a health problem that you can fix.
But I can't say any of this out loud. I might offend or embarrass somebody, or be accused of 'fat-shaming'. It's not really any of my business. So I stay silent.
But here, in a public blog post, I can be impersonal. I am not looking anyone in the eye. I am not seeking to castigate or shame, or to stir up bad memories and regrets. If you've decided my message doesn't apply to you, that's fine.
But if you think it does fit you, and you do want to change this part of your life, I've been there and I can help you to get started. PM me if you like, and we'll talk.
I just needed to say something. Thanks for giving me your time and attention.
Dang man, congrats! I'll really happy to hear the progress you've been making! I thought this was going in a different direction when you described your situation, until you hit the diet.
I'm frankly amazed that with a name that sounds like a "fad" diet that it works.
In any case, keep up the good work!
In its own perverse way, congratulating you also feels like sideways fat-shaming, but I'd like to think this isn't about that: you have accomplished something which has dramatically raised your quality of life, and that is unhesitatingly worth celebrating.
So: Way to go!
That is super awesome, and I'm glad to hear things are so much better.
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The name is odd, but it's appropriate. The author is a very smart fellow who is one of the people behind AutoCad, and the book is distilled from his personal experience in solving his own weight problem.
Thank you for the kind words!
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I could write a whole other blog post in response to that, and I may. For now I'll just say that if we're building a world where people are made to feel guilty for congratulating others on improving their health, we are getting something wrong.
Thank you for your kind words as well! It all means a lot to me.
Well, I know some of those feels. Spent childhood too skinny, adolescence and early adulthood too fat, and then finally had a healthy weight of about 70kg last year. I'm pretty damn sure I've gained a bunch back after finishing grad-school because Murrica. Even the salads here are high-cal. Even the homemade food here is higher-cal.
On the upside, I can totally bench more than my lean body-weight.
¡Good for you! ¡Congratulations!
You're a fine example of someone who has taken charge of his life and a damn fine writer to boot. Good for you, Grey!
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Hey, those are the calories of Freedom, buddy. They call them Frites Liberté across the pond, so I understand.
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Thank you very much!
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Ha. Ha. Ha.
Saw my new doctor and got numbers for it all. Definitely sticking to a healthier diet now. I've done this before, and it shouldn't actually be too hard.
On the upside, my heart rate and blood-pressure were in the healthy range.