Major overhaul to the main story · 12:24pm Dec 16th, 2015

Greetings, everyone. I have some very big news in the Nightmare Nyx universe. It has been one month since I've published my short story Littlehorn, which is a prequel to Protector of Ponies. I've been working hard over that month to do a complete overhaul of the introduction to the main story. And by introduction, I mean everything from the start of the story all the way up to when our heroes are about to leave on their mission. So... everything I've already published. It's all been rewritten. This section of the story has also grown by a pretty beefy 6,500 words and now stands at 33,743.

Why? Because it was kind of a mess. Over the last six months or so, I've fleshed out a ton of this story, including a massive backstory which will come into focus later on as the main story progresses. So much has been refined and added that the first part (which you have all likely read) has become really outdated. Not only that, but it was rather poorly written by my current standards, and I gave myself more than a few moments when going over the text again. The story was very unfocused. It had no clear plot line. No clear issue the protagonist (Nyx) was going through. A lot of vagueness. A lot of random things thrown in here and there. A lot of irrelevant paragraphs. Not only that, but I apparently had no clue how to write in third person limited perspective until I reached chapter three. So I had a lot of fixing in chapters 1-2 regarding maintaining perspective on one character at a time, and letting the reader inside their heads.

Honestly, I have to chalk this up to me being a brand new writer and learning all this stuff for the first time. So I apologize for giving you all quite the inferior story to read for the last year while I took the time to learn how to write.

So... where are we at, now? Boy do I have a treat for you.

First off, there is now a prologue. The prologue is in two parts. The first part is a brief introduction to Nyx. It is given in omniscient narration and gives a summary of the important events from Past Sins in order to understand and enjoy this story. It's written in a semi-Shakespearean, whimsical fashion that is best imagined being narrated by Discord. It quickly introduces Nyx and tells how she came to her present lifestyle as well as revealing to the reader that something is about to radically change with her.

The second part is the bulk of the prologue. It depicts the events leading up to the disappearance of the Crystal Empire. Here, we have Nyx experiencing her first "symptom" of the change she will be going through during the rest of the story. This establishes focus on Nyx and her issue, rather than simply telling random stories about Nyx's adult life during the war.

Next up: Chapters One and Two have been given a thorough refocusing effort. In addition to repairing all the prose issues, I have focused the text for "Of Friends and Nightmares" to be on the topic of friends and nightmares for the most part. Naturally, important exposition into the background war provides context to Nyx's present life. Related to that is an alteration in Nyx's role in the war. She is a field tester of prototype equipment. They do not go out and engage zebra camps regularly guerrilla style. On rare occasions, they do run into live combat, but not deliberately. Officially, Nyx is actually barred from participating in combat ops with the military and for a good reason.

The most notable change in chapter one is likely the absence of Nyx's emotional breakdown in the middle of the chapter. Before, this came out of nowhere and seemed to flow out of Nyx's concerns regarding her nightmare. The chapter used to depict a tone of overall stress that Nyx was going through, but this is all different now. Nyx's built-up stress from the war is still there, but it has not come to a head yet. She still talks to her friends about the nightmare, but all of it is given with a purpose. This is important because Nyx's nightmares are related to the big change she is going through. Lastly in chapter one, the final moments where Nyx takes out the two zebras has been rewritten. No longer does Nyx do a "rage shift" as in what Twilight does in Feeling Pinkie Keen when she gets really pissed off. Nyx has her own unique reaction, and I describe her physical change in regards to what is actually happening to her.

Next, we have chapter two, which is "Life in the Battlefield". Previously, this chapter was a little bit redundant, and felt like an extension of chapter one. Now, it is really all about life in the battlefield. That is its theme. It deals with heartache, love, and joy in the context of a difficult war. Here, Nyx has just killed two zebras with magic unknown to all of ponykind except for the alicorn sisters. She watches the burning bodies for a moment, and then flies home to have her emotional breakdown. Here, we see all the stress that has been building up in her come to a head all at once. There's a reference to my recent Littlehorn story which flows with the breakdown. But overall, this is meant to feel like a closure on that chapter of Nyx's life. Rather than depicting Nyx as breaking down emotionally every other day, I want to make it clear that this moment is a final long-overdue clearing of Nyx's burdens as she shares with her friends what she's been going through. After this moment, I don't plan on continuing that theme with her. Nyx is going to be going through some major changes through this story, and growing past her unstable emotions from the past will make way for all new unstable emotions in the future.

Chapter two also has many new moments of clarity in it, such as improvements to almost all the dialogue, and a more natural visit from Twilight, including further appropriate talk of Nyx's ongoing change (which I will continue to touch on as the story progresses). The chapter feels much more tight and has actual purpose now, so I'm pretty happy to give that to you all.

Chapter three has undergone a pretty big change. This is the chapter where Nyx visits Luna. The biggest change is that I have split the chapter into two pieces. The first half is the new chapter three Ruling by Moonlight. It is only the meeting with Luna. Curiously, the entire chapter is one continuous scene. There are no scene breaks. It tracks with Nyx and sticks to only her perspective through the entire continuous moment all the way to the end. A small exception is that the end now has the addition of Nyx arriving home to let her family know that they have a mission. This provides a proper chapter end so the reader will anticipate the fourth chapter.

Chapter three has significant changes in the meeting with Luna. Almost all the dialogue pertaining to the mission details themselves is now absent. Luna isn't focused on that. She reveals precisely why she wants Nyx to begin to participate in the war. The whole reason why Nyx has not been fighting up till this point has never been that clear in the story. Now, in the prologue incidentally, it is quite clear why Nyx has not been allowed to fight. So Luna rescinds the decision along with revealing her reasons. There is also the moment where they visit the Zebratown construction site. This has been given purpose and fits in well with Luna's plans for Nyx as she tests Nyx's compassion. After the pair goes back up to the Palace to have their talk of personal things, there is a major change in the portion where Nyx reveals to Luna that she has been having nightmares. Luna knows exactly what is going on, and she is afraid. But rather than hide the truth from Nyx, she is upfront and explains the importance of Nyx finding her virtue and stopping this change. She doesn't go into too much detail about what happens if Nyx fails, but she does emphasize how important it is. The reader should get a much clearer picture now that Nyx is going through something very specific. Naturally, this is all just the very beginning, and Nyx (along with the readers) will discover the true nature of what is coming as the story unfolds.

Lastly, there is a New Chapter Four. This is going to push all the other chapters forward by a number. Everything from when Derpy shows up with the supply crate all the way to when our heroes meet up with the platoon to go on their mission is now in chapter four. This chapter is called No Turning Back, and that is its general theme. The dialogue around the unboxing scene is changed quite a bit. The topics discussed are more interesting and given more detail. Actual talk of unboxing supplies is seriously reduced, because let's face it; that's boring. The three main gifts are still in all their detail, however. While unboxing, Nyx also expresses her concern regarding the permanent life changes which are about to happen. And lastly, after Dinky delivers the mission briefing, now we finally get the details of the mission, rather than this being Luna telling Nyx. Now, it's Nyx telling her friends, and the whole dialogue flows much more smoothly.

Apart from that, expect a general increase in overall quality of the prose. I've refurbished the entire thing, and I think you'll be able to see that it reads as quite a different, much more focused story than it has in the past.

The prologue is in Google Docs at this link. I can't guarantee that this won't be rewritten. What I need is a lot of feedback so that I can know whether this is a worthy opening to the story. If it turns out that it needs a completely different style, it may get rewritten.

Rather than publish a new chapter or two at this time, I've gone and updated the existing chapters already. You can read chapters 1-3 in the official published story. The reason for not publishing anything new is because I do not want to attract new fans at this time. I felt it was unfair to all of you to give you a story and then make you wait a whole year for further updates simply because I was learning how to write and also developing all the details and backstory without you being able to see anything. If the story brings in brand new fans at this time, then it will probably continue that frustration, and I think I'd rather resume publishing when I can give you new polished chapters every week or two.

No Turning Back is also in Google Docs now, and this content is no longer on fimfiction because it is in its own chapter that can be found at this link.

Also, I've updated the first half of Into Wilderness which is now chapter five. Links to this draft and others can be found in the story forum.

I truly hope you enjoy this month's worth of work. It's been a huge relief to clean up this portion of the story so I can finally feel like I am clear to move forward.