Things · 11:04pm Oct 23rd, 2015
So I've been on only a little recently, and I know my story is delayed. I've had a lot on my mind, and I've been fighting some inner demons, plus the stress of classes and social life. By the end of this weekend, I intend to have the next chapter out.
But I have some other news. Given how my life is going now, I do not have a ton of time to write pony stories, and when I do, I feel like my fire isn't very bright any more. As such, when I finish TOML, I intend to end my time as a writer within the Pony Fandom. I don't even read fan fiction that much any more.
The reasons are good and bad; I'll start with the bad ones. I've been fighting some demons lately, as I said, and unfortunately, some of them managed to win. I'm just not as happy of a person now. I concluded some things I have been resisting for a long time about myself relative to other people and how most people I meet treat me that have resulted in me just not being as nice of a person any more. I don't want that to start reflecting in my writing because it will undermine what quality I have. Some of this has raised serious personal issues regarding my own adequacy; basically, I feel totally inadequate. Which is ironic, considering what I have going for me, which I'll mention in the good reasons next. But basically, people don't tend to treat me very nicely for some reason, and if they do, they often leave me behind very quickly. It's been this way for years, and I finally manned up and stared it in the face (mirror). It wasn't a pretty time for me these last four weeks.
But I have plenty of good reasons to be happy, and sadly more reasons why I can't write. I'm an engineering major with good grades. I'm still practicing my Karate, and am starting a Martial Arts club at my school. I still get to scuba dive and play video games with my dad. I'm in a Navy SEAL training program in my city with some really solid dudes. Despite how most people treat me, I do manage to find some value in myself in remembering that tho matter what life throws my way, I have always persevered, and until someone shoots me in the face and kills me, I will not stop pressing forward, no matter how hard it is. That's just a part of who I am, and damn it all if anyone can change that. They can crush my body, they can stab my soul, they can muddle my mind, they can shoot my pride, but they can never take away my will to be the best that I can be.
I finish what I start, so TOML will reach the conclusion I have imagined for it from the beginning, and it will follow everything I have planned out for it. But when that time is done, I expect that I will leave and not come back. If I do, it will only be to read a few things.
But thank you to everyone; this has been such a loving and supportive community for me for so long. I've met good people here, worked with solid guys, read stories that made me laugh hysterically, cry terribly, gasp, and stare at my screen in awe. It's been one hell of a time, but that time, sadly, is up.
I'm a fan of quotes, so let me leave one of my absolute favorites as a conclusion to this blog:
Lives entwine, friendships shine,
variety is the spice.
If I could relive my life,
I would do it twice.
Senior Master Sergeant William F. Sine, USAF
Thank you all. You made me a better person and helped inspire me to be the best I can be.
I've been at that precipice myself. Take some time. You earned it.
Huh, I came into this expecting it to be the usual whining we get from time to time, but then I saw everything you are doing and now I am wondering how you have time to sleep, let alone write. I remember how little time I had when I was working on my engineering degree and I am frankly amazed at what you are managing to do.
All I will say is good luck both here and in your life. It sounds like you have things under control, and based on what you said here you just might have what it takes to get into the SEALs (or Pararescue
) so you should definitely keep at it. Just don't cut us out of your life completely once you finish the story even if you understandably will not have the time to write more.
Well I'm sad to see you go, this is an incredible loss for fimfic, you've written two of he most emotional and well done stories I've ever seen! But in the end I suppose I can understand why you feel the need to go, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we all wish you good fortune in future endevours and hope that you come back one day
. We'll miss you buddy 
.
That is indeed a big loss, but I wish you skill and may you accomplish the goals you have set for your life. You have all my respect for writing such a great fanfiction while having so little time.
May you live (life?) in peace :-)