Present Perfect vs. Transcendence · 5:47pm Oct 15th, 2015
Corejo's Transcendence is a classic EQD 6-star about Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash and... Quite honestly, if not for the reading by Neighrator Pony, I wouldn't have read it. It's very slice of life and filled with lengthy descriptions of flying, racing, and aerial tricks, two things I've never really cared much about. But is it any good? Read below to find out!
Scootaloo to me has always been the epitome of a comeditragic character. She can't fly! She's got no parents! She's homeless! And to top it all off, she doesn't even have a cutie mark! (Crusaders of the Lost Mark aired when I was about a third of the way through this story. That was an experience.) The amount of horrible things this fandom has heaped atop her has only led her to get funnier and funnier in my mind. That's why my suspension of disbelief was broken the moment she started flying.
Okay, I'm kidding, but the first five chapters of this piece did make me think that the fandom was a much different place when this story was first being written. For all that the description touts a "betrayal" as a major plot point in this piece, and for all that I was waiting and waiting to find out not only what the stakes were, but what would be transcended by whom, an awful lot of effort is made to set up a Scootalove introduction just to break it later on. And the only reason I could come up with for this -- those first five chapters are very slice of life, and the lack of obvious stakes rankled me -- is that once upon a time, there were enough stories like A Fun Day being written that you couldn't just assume Dash and Scoot had a positive relationship. Dash showed equal amounts of enjoyment and annoyance at Scootaloo's presence up until Sleepless in Ponyville, after all; so effort to set up their relationship was necessary.
And honestly, this seemed to be moving towards "epic Scootalove" as its modus operandi. We get a little bit of backstory for Scoot -- where she came from, who her dad is, how she met Sweetie Belle -- and then a focus on her idolization of Rainbow Dash. But then comes the betrayal, out of seemingly nowhere, and that's one of the big problems with this story.
Frankly, Rainbow Dash is out of character. Reacting with vitriol because Scoot screws up her routine? Because she's being mocked by a fellow Wonderbolt? Yeah, sure, I can buy that, and it sets up a very tense, emotional moment between the two of them. But the fact that she continues on, berating and belittling Scootaloo on the few occasions when they meet, never apologizing until Scoot finally proves herself in the finale? No. I know I've stated the opposite before, but Rainbow Dash is not that much of a dick, nor do I buy the reasons later given for her actions. Rainbow Dash was a black spot on this story.
But with that said, taken as a "what if Rainbow Dash was super mad at Scoot forever?" plot setup, the rest of the piece avails itself well. I had a generally positive outlook on it, and I think that has to do with tight focus on Scootaloo and some very good development for her across the whole of the story. We see her disinterested in school. We get a very strong father-daughter relationship. We're shown the ways Rainbow's careless admonishment has screwed her life up horribly, as she trains herself literally into the ground at one point. Little details like her waking up early and feeling the need to fly on a day she can't train help sell the introspective character moments.
The big details, meanwhile, are often major centerpieces, and the places where the writing shines brightest. The writing isn't always on the same keel all the way through, but the imagery is incredibly strong (I forgot to take a lot of notes, but a late-story scene describing lightning bolts stitching a cloud back together like needles comes to mind) and never does it tack toward the purple. There were some scenes -- especially in the final chapter -- that drag on needlessly (though, again, I've never much enjoyed stories about flying), and I noticed the occasional close repetition, but by and large, the writing in this piece is strong.
Also strong were the side characters. The idea to give Scootaloo a single parent was, I think, a good one: a refutation of Orphanloo tropes without being too idealistic. For all that he has a not-a-good-pony-name, Tyco is lovable, Equestrian Dad of the Year to an extent that almost feels cheesy, yet that never really bothered me. His background provided one of the best emotional "OOH!" moments in the story, and the question of what happened to his wife, why she left them, was tantalizing, though sadly never explained. If there was one thing I disliked in regards to him, and there were a few, it would be the profanity-laden tirade he unleashes on Scootaloo's teacher for daring to point out that her grades are failing thanks to her constant training. Not only was it out of tone and out of universe, it drew uncomfortable parallels to Nyx's Family and ultimately felt pointless, since the teacher never shows up again afterward.
Pyra is another character that I'm going to mention, mostly because she has a bad pony name but made an impression. Her final scene left me scratching my head somewhat, but I'm starting to think I was really zoning out in the final chapters of this, and most likely missed something important. She worked as a good rival for Scoot, at least.
One thing that bothered me about this story was scale. We go from Scoot just needing a push to start flying to her being able to match Rainbow Dash pretty well. Then she screws up at the Best Young Flyers and becomes determined to do a Sonic Rainboom, which eventually she does. From here, the Sonic Rainboom becomes a thing she can more or less do on command. It brought back feelings of outrage from when Rainbow Dash was asked to perform one at the wedding in the show, feelings I had thought long-buried but I guess I hold grudges. It's just the thought of the Sonic Rainboom being such a phenomenal trick that it's an old mare's tale, that one pony in all of Equestria has been able to do it twice, once without meaning to and once after hundreds and hundreds of failures, spurred on at last by desperation. And now it's some kind of party trick? Oh, sure, Scootaloo nearly kills herself trying to get there, and the incremental progress she makes is a hallmark of the middle of the story. But doing it once shouldn't make it easy to do, y'know? That she one-ups it by combining it with her dad's lightning-calling trick (her learning that was, admittedly, one of the cooler parts of the story) was fine, but in the leadup, I found myself scratching my head as to why this was the more epic "win the day" trick being trained for.
Which brings me to the finale. If you want to experience this for yourself, skip the next paragraph.
I have to credit Chris with pointing this out. I try not to parrot other reviewer's viewpoints, but like I said, I was kind of zoning out there at the end, and I missed something crucial. So, Scootaloo is trying out for the Wonderbolts. (How old was she? I have no idea.) She wins, because she got her bizarre cutie mark in doing-lightning-and-also-Sonic-Rainbooms. Rainbow Dash becomes a sniveling wreck at her hooves, finally giving her the apology she's always waited for. And then Scootaloo rejects it. And this bothered me for a number of reasons, not least of which is the scene seemingly setting up Rainbow as deserving of sympathy, but it was understandable. After all, she hardly had the best role model, there. But then Scootaloo walks away from the Wonderbolts. The whole thing was just a giant "fuck you" to Rainbow Dash, and that is so tremendously petty, it's making me angry just to think about. Scootaloo didn't transcend her relationship with Dash at all; instead of "I don't need you anymore", we get "I never needed you and I never will", with the fridge horror of realizing that Dash has basically ruled Scootaloo's entire life. Maybe now she's done proving herself, but that also means her entire life has been wasted.
The disappointment I felt at the ending just hammered home how much of a black eye Rainbow's characterization was.
So while, overall, I think this is a pretty good Scootaloo story, there was definitely an opportunity missed. I mean, the moral seems to be "forget your idols, father knows best", which is just odd as messages go. For all that I totally believe their bond, it brings up the question of where did Scoot's friends go? So much seems to get left by the wayside at the end of this story, and I'm not sure I really want to see if the sequel picks up the pieces.
2.5/5
A decent though flawed look at determination with some memorable characters and images.
And for those keeping track, I've got six one-shot audiobooks now, followed by a six-chapter non-vs. story, six more one-shots and then a big audiobook that I won't be vs-ing either. I hope that one sucks so I can make some serious headway in my list. c.c
Yeah. The ending pissed me off too... And in context, the ending made me angry with the REST of the story.
Yep. You hit all the nails on this one. I'm not proud of this story, either. This blog should detail most of my thoughts on the matter, if you're interested.
Moral of the story: finish writing the story before publishing it.
Interesting. I never read this one largely based on concerns that it would end exactly as it apparently did.
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Ooh, ouch.
I'll say this, it didn't really feel like you were planning it out as you went along. Though that might explain the tremendously variable chapter lengths.
3472464
That's why I've barely published anything on the site, pretty much.