Grey Hat Commentary: Chapter 4 · 5:47am Oct 4th, 2015
This entry contains spoilers for Gray Hat. Be warned...
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I’m not fond of this chapter, even though it turned out exactly like I wanted. For me it still feels too much like foreshadowing and the subtle screaming of “THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT” for later in the game. I didn’t want that to happen.
I’ve plotted out large swaths of this story already. I know who’s going where, where they are, and what happens at what time long in advance, a mistake I corrected after my time with my minecraft story. Despite this there are little details that need tinkering with at certain opportunities to better highlight future events. I still didn’t want to make this chapter feel like unneeded foreshadowing, but there was little to be done with it. That’s why you might find the wandering guardian, Subject 003, and Subject 107 a little odd.
Third-person limited is my bread and butter. One of the little facets of my writing that has clearly changed since I first started writing is perspective shifts. Take DaemonJack in the first chapter. You can tell he’s a very secretive individual but very detail-minded. Because of that, a lot of information is given to you, but nothing truly specific. You learn a fair bit about the ponies, the world, what Jack does, and what he sees, but on that same token you don’t know his face, his species or race, why he’s doing any of this, who is Turmoil, or why he’s taken an interest in the ponies. How is answered, but not who or why. Not even where.
For Fluttershy, things change. Things suddenly become very emotion-based. She cares very heavily about herself and others and carefully thinks about the impact of what she says.
When it’s Applejack, things become more about others. She wants to help other people, especially Fluttershy whom she’s been taking care of. Her own thoughts matter little to her in tense or decisive situations because what’s important to her is what other people feel about the matter.
What I want out of each character is a little bit of confirmation bias. People are going to be thinking differently and interpret information in different ways. This is going to make people observe the same situation and get you two different reactions to it. Sam may be as mellow as a stoner but he’s not going to be worrying about the magic of friendship nearly as much as ponies are.
For this guy in the most recent chapter, it switches again. Don’t worry about how he sees things because it’s all been very deliberate. It can be a little odd to read due to the very esoteric nature of his thought process but I’ve already built a backstory for just about everybody in the story, including him. Things like the new science and the Dratalli war, incoming ponies and everyday problems, they just don’t mean anything to him.
No faces came to mind, only a bland void of jumbled noise. Researchers, teachers, engineers, or whatever they were, he didn’t care; each face was a grey mask of nothing.
Alright, enough with the pronouns. Let’s call him Ghost. If you’re sharp you may have guessed why Ghost was there in the first place. As stated, I’ve been hiding clues to future events in the interludes, and indeed I’m going to be dropping several in the very next interlude. The fun with writing someone like Ghost is in how others react to him. The “regular” people either didn’t see him or were implied to be too afraid to approach him. Monstrous Subject 003 claimed he wasn’t like the socalled “others” and didn’t belong. Subject 107 was very charming and friendly until Ghost removed his mask and then she acted out of fear.
He was a watcher. He has no real desire to interfere, only to watch how events unfold. I’ve been looking forward to writing him for quite some time.
Subjects 107 and 003 were deliberately left ambiguous as both a result of mood, and due to Ghost’s own proclivity to not be hung up on something like appearance. Each and every fragment of their respective habitats was constructed to go along with their own psychology. If you see them again, see if you can guess who is who.
I can’t quite say just yet why 003 acted the way it did. The sleepiness, the destruction of the habitat, I have it all written down and why. I liked 107 due to her whimsical and fun-loving nature. Due to being so chatty, a lot can be learned about her, and more depending on how much you can read in between the lines.
I’m not sure why I liked it so much but the brief little bit where Ghost tries to touch her through the glass and she shows appreciation for the gesture somehow felt so right. Everything about her was so much fun to write. Her story, the playful jabs at the one who left her habitant before Ghost arrived, and her just being a generally cheerful individual all tied into this little character profile I’m looking at right now. It all ties back to character perspective above. I know every little detail about both of these characters, but Ghost can only see so much even if 107 wasn’t hiding details from him. How do I make a character interesting while being so minimalistic? It was a challenge, but not only was it fun to build, she was fun to write.
She also gives one of the bigger clues as to what’s wrong in Magnasanti. Near the end, Ghost is second-guessing his first impressions of her. Both her thoughts on the other staff in the building and the subtle notion that there may be something else to that smile of hers feeds that little voice in the back of the head.
The newspaper clipping had two major roles: a slight hint at future events and reinforcing the omnipresent shadow of media in this world of mine. Throwing in little news stories, clips, video, and the like was something that I wanted to do since day one. Even the very first chapter has little bits of info that remain relevant to the story at large. It was a real pain in the ass to create but I liked the idea of it so much I took the extra time to make it as authentic as possible. I downloaded a newspaper template and began scripting little story ideas and other crap a paper might be interested in. I wanted you the readers to feel like this was something you could find on a table or chair in the world somewhere. Anything to increase immersion was helpful. I’m a lover of scenery porn so making this, once started, became a priority. Even the little details like the pictures, all credited at the end of the chapter, the ad, and the coffee stain supported that. I even sent it through a gauss filter to blur the text just so slightly to mimic the inky feel. Some stories may have nothing to do with the plot, some may only serve as a prelude to minor events in the future, or some may be critical to the unfolding plot. That’s the point: it’s a puzzle to be put together.
When writing the chapter I needed to bridge the gap between Ghost coming to her habitat and him actually talking to her. The open doors perked his interest so he wanted to find out more about her before they actually had a conversation. I did this by using her chattiness to tell a story. I have never truly delved into the full story of Doctor Sirus but this is roughly the first half of his tale. He was a monster and beauty tamed the beast. I originally scripted his story in a role play a very long time ago, the same one that bore the Journeyman character. I did so because I wanted a good man who was still vilified; his effort to become better led to... well, a far worse fate, shall we say? For some the road to redemption ends in tears.
Just hope 107’s ending to the story wasn’t the same as the good doctor’s.
Edmund's body rose with a gasp, panting in a cold sweat. He placed a hand on his head, trying to slow the heaving gasps raking his body.
"Another? Not easy is it?" He jumped and backed away from the voice, crawling away from it. Lucian was in a corner, still stained with blood and a ruined eye. Kalidor sat beside him.
"You're lucky you still have them. Death doesn't haunt me anymore. I miss him."
I might finally get to reveal his full story someday...
Well, there is only so much I can talk about due to Ghost’s nature and the inability to avoid too many spoilers. It took quite a while to open a 800+ page roleplay log as well. I am so glad I saved that from the destruction of that site. Well, most of it. I couldn’t recover about 200 posts worth. Anyway, we are about out of time for this session. See you next time for an interlude where the secret of Magnasanti is now unfolding. Catch you next time.
Cheers.
Other than the fact that she was mentioned in ItB