Mostly Ramble -- Possibly Stupid Serious, Feel Free to Ignore · 12:43am Aug 2nd, 2012

It's not very much these days, but occasionally I still hear that voice and it whispers, "What are you doing here?"

I was a good ~~man~~ fool once. It wasn't that long ago, but it feels like an age these days. So many things seem as a memory--goodness, worth, and love.

How could so much change over the course of five years?

The only problem with being a good fool is simply...I was too good. Good for others, good to them. And not to myself. It seemed a simple and easy enough game--worry about them, struggle for them, believe in them...that will be enough to keep you here. You don't need anything else.

Though Life gives it to you, wanted or not. I had friends, I had dreams, I had a use. Treasures I could never hope to earn or to repay--but then, that was never the point was it?

And so life moved on. I stupidly did not. I tried to play the same game. And that failed. And so I failed.

I worry, though the wisdom I've gained over the years has been worth it...has it really? The price of that wisdom was high, though gladly given. I'm not the type to claim otherwise. As humbly as I can, I say: I am wise but I paid for that, so that I might better serve those I came across in this life who proved Good, but received trouble from the world.

I have long been an idealist and hopeless romantic at heart--but as these long, hard years have passed, how much have I been tinted jade? I know I am a knight in sour armor, or at least heading that way. But I'm trying so hard to resist the cynicism that has taken so many young minds these days. But how much do I succeed?

But these are old thoughts, of days passed, not days passing--things have changed, amazingly enough. I have returned to writing. I have found a community of wonderful people, people I believe are accepting this silly fool as a friend. Time, she gives as she takes away.

So ha hah! I laugh at you, my old words, my old self. Though forever a part of who I am, you do not control me. Oh I may contemplate you, I meditate and over-think and find myself in serious moods...but ultimately, life is the best it's been in years. I owe so much, and gladly will I repay it back. One bad apple will not spoil this bunch. Goodness prevails, in the end.

So never fear, a silly fool I can be--proudly, even!--but I'm afraid you're stuck with me for a bit longer. I just ramble and think too much sometimes. *grins* Life, she is a mystery non?

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