Review: Fantastic Four (2015) · 12:06am Aug 15th, 2015
You know, it's rather obvious by this point where this review is going to go.
I mean, this version of the Fantastic Four has been greeted with such derision, mockery, disappointment and at times, flat out hatred almost from the very start, and so when it finally premiered in theaters, amid dozens of now pretty much confirmed rumors of near Apocalypse Now level behind the scenes troubles, the fact that it was met with a critical thrashing and bombed more then a hydrogen bomb, it is painfully apparent that this film is a misfire on almost every level.
I shall now try to explain WHY it's such a misfire, at least from the standpoint of a reviewer.
First thing first, it's painfully obvious that Fox took a chainsaw to this film, while also grafting in obvious reshoots and a completely incomprehensible ending in order to try to salvage what was already a totally lost cause. The film's pace is jagged and uneven, with the first half moving by at a snails pace, while the second half moves faster then the Road Runner on Red Bull. This leads to the tone shifting and warping itself around like an elliptic snake, with juvenile humor combining with an almost suicidally depressed aura of melancholy that runs counter to almost everything that the comic book Fantastic Four stand for.
Now, I'm not going to pretend I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Fantastic Four. But, I do have at least a working knowledge of what the general tone is, and what the general character types are. Ironically, as awful as they are, the 2005 and 2007 Fantastic Four films are more true to the overall, extreme comic booky and unabashedly fantastical tone of the source material then this dour, depressing fiasco. Of course, that doesn't excuse how awful they were, but it's not a case of them somehow disregarding the spirit of the source material. Those movies were just handled by incompetent writers and an incompetent director, and therefore the problems laid not in their deviating from the source material, but rather having no sense of self or effort put into them to try to make them great. They went for pure style, and in doing so, completely lacked the substance that the comics hold.
THIS film ironically makes the same mistake, but in an entirely different way.
Trank (and whomever directed the reshoots) tries to make this film an entry into the genre that films like John Carpenter's The Thing or David Cronenberg's The Fly are known for: Dark, often disturbing science fiction horror with body horror thrown in. That tone completely clashes with the rather optimistic Fantastic Four comics, but even then, I suppose if I was suddenly given powers that I had no real point of reference for, I'd be pretty freaked out. But the real problem here is that Trank overemphasizes these horror elements, draining the film of any sense of levity. On top of that, all the characters feel supremely underdeveloped, so underdeveloped in fact that they barely register as stereotypes, let alone characters.
This is made worse by a cast that is obviously not having a single iota of fun with the material. Nobody here is enjoying themselves, except possibly Tim Blake Nelson, and that's just because he obviously doesn't give a damn. Heck, these characters are so flat that, when they manage to crack the secrets of interdimensional travel, the most we see is a couple of stiff smiles and some nodding. Now, I'm no scientist, but I assume that interdimensional travel is a rather big breakthrough. Heck, scientists take a picture of Pluto, and they're practically throwing themselves around and screaming in wild abandon. These guys? A shrug and a 'that was neat' expression. And the worse part? The titular 'Fantastic' Four are all actors I know can do good, heck, even excellent work!
Miles Teller, who blew me away with his supremely intense and driven performance in Whiplash last year, is a dead, wet rag here as Reed Richards. His version of Reed is neither endearingly geeky, nor charismatic. Instead, he's just awkward in an entirely enjoyable way, and, in a phrase that one will see a lot as I talk about these actors, extraordinarily sullen. He rarely, if ever smiles, and whenever he does smile, it looks fake and forced.
Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) is basically a side character as Ben Grimm, Reed's childhood friend. He really serves no purpose to the broader plot (if you can call the random events of this movie a plot), and his relationship with Reed is so under cooked that I have no understanding as to WHY he and Reed are so close. So close in fact, that they act more like a romantic couple then as friends, but given that the film is observantly trying to force Reed in with Sue (who I'll touch on in a moment), that just leaves me wondering what the heck Ben Grimm is doing here. It's made worse by, once he becomes the Thing, he spends almost every single frame in an almost cartoonishly depressed funk, looking like he stepped out of some epic tragedy then anything even vaguely resembling a superhero film. Also, I don't care if he's a giant moving rock monster, I don't want to see The Thing naked.
Moving on, we find Michael B. Jordan (Chronicle) being a jerk for the entire narrative as Johnny Storm, and an almost uncomfortable racial stereotype of the smart-ass black kid. He has no depth or real motivation to anything he does beyond just doing it to be brash. On top of that, while everyone else plunges themselves into an overcooked existential crisis of their powers, Johnny just keeps grinning like a dork, and acting the fool, making him feel even more out of place.
Then there's Kate Mara (House of Cards) as Sue Storm, and suffice to say it's not Sue Storm. In the comics, Sue Storm is a sweet natured, motherly yet strong woman who provides the heart of the Fantastic Four. Here, Sue is distant, and at times flat out nasty to everyone, and due to Mara's obvious apathy to the material (a trait shared with pretty much everyone in the cast), it means that Sue feels like a blank slate. Also, it's apparent in several dozen scenes that she's wearing a very bad wig, making the reshoots even more obvious.
Finally, we have Toby Kabbell as---you know what, I don't know who he's playing, but it isn't Doctor Doom. Sure, the 2005 film turned Doctor Doom in a skeevy business man, but at least it got the planet sized ego and vanity right. Here, 'Doom' is more like some disgruntled college student who just acts like a jerk, and then when he finally goes postal and has his weird, Scanners inspired powers, I have no idea WHY he's going postal beyond "He's evil. Deal with it". I mean, I don't even know how else to talk about him really, he's so vastly unlike the mad dictator/egomaniac of the comics.
The visual effects range from passable (The Thing and the 'Planet Zero' in the other dimension) to utterly laughable (Reed's stretching powers), and lend more credence to the fact that this film was obviously rushed to preserve the rights. The music, by Marco Beltrami and Philip Glass, an odd, albeit potentially innovated paring, is rather generic sadly, with Beltrami not really being on his A game, while Glass' input seems to be only used fleetingly. Due to Glass' now trademark intense and complex minimalism clashing with Beltrami's 'Zimmer-lite' styling, it also means it feels uneven, just like the rest of the film.
And now to end this review, I have to say that Fox is utterly shameless in how little they care for the material here. This film simply reeks of being a way for them to continue their death grip on the property, since if this film weren't made, the rights would revert to Marvel Studios. Hence, the film lacks any vision, and is the obvious result of a bunch of greedy studio execs that wanted to squeeze as much money out of an already dry udder. It's an ugly analogy, but it's the best way to describe how this feels. It feels so exploitative and so uninspired that it leads one feeling frustrated and deeply disappointed. I don't care how they do it, but I want Marvel Studios to have the Fantastic Four back as soon as humanely possible, as this film has pretty much sunk them as a viable solo property.
And I'm sure I might get some mild flak for this, but honestly, Batman and Robin is the better film. Yeah, you read that right. Batman and Robin is a better superhero film then this. At least in Batman and Robin, there's so much cheese that it swiftly transcends into So Bad It's Good. This film stays firmly in the So Bad It's Horrible box, and therefore, is the worse film.
half a star.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Fox is evil.
Batman and Robin was terrible, but at least it was fun. Can't say the same 'bout this movie.
It still baffles me to know this is what Fox prefered to keep when faced with losing FF or Daredevil.
I hope I'll look better when I finally have my streching powers. Heck even the cartoon looks more realistic.
Speaking as an artist, aka the last person who should know anything about this, interdimensional travel is a scientific feat so advanced we're not even trying to achieve it right now. I've never even heard anyone seriously discuss how to do it. We're closer to time-travel or creating a wormhole than we are to interdimensional travel.
3322375 exactly, which is why the extremely blasé reaction to everything is all the more stupid
I'm not looking forward to seeing this movie on DVD (my cousins[and by extension, the rest of my family] think because I'm the family expert on comics, i'm going to like all comic book adaptations regardless of quality for some reason. Ignoring my rants on X-men origins: Wolverine and Batman & Robin -_-).
I've say it before and I'll say it again. You can adapt comics all you like, but if you don't try to stay true to the spirit of the source material at least, it will fail as an adaptation.
Oh but of course Batman and Robin is better, that film deserves all the flak it gets, but like you said, So Bad It's Good (though I will never believe Joel Schumacher's BS excuse that he was paying homage to the Silver Age/Adam West Batman, if that was the case, WHY WOULD USE Mr. Freeze's fresh and terribly tragic background which you flat out adopted from the B:TAS series reboot of his character?!?!). No, this film doesn't belong with the bad superhero films of the 80s or 90s, those films almost always have an entertainment value to them that makes them enjoyable to watch (yes, even Steel despite the fact that Shaq can't act). This film belongs with bad superhero films of the early 2000s, like the Spirit, a film that's simply horrible to watch as a movie in general, or Catwoman, something that is not recognizable in the slightest as a representation of the character it is bringing to the screen (though Catwoman might still be worse since at least in Fantastic Four they kept the characters' names; seriously, WHO THE BUCK is Patience Phillips and what has she done with Selina Kyle?!). But yeah, you get my meaning. This is that special kind of bad film that you'd put on to torture someone rather than even have a good laugh; it is one of the Oogie Loves of superhero films.
3334992 don't talk to me about oogie loves okay that is the devil's work
3335185
