Review: My Little Alicorn, by: InsertAuthorHere · 7:41pm Aug 5th, 2015
After a frustrated Celestia attempts to blow off some steam by playing pranks on her little sister one to many times, Luna decides turn about is fair play and finds a spell that will revert Celestia to a filly. Letting her be the ‘big’ sister for a change. Except, the Princess of the Night forgot to read the fine print of the spell, so now Celestia is trapped like that till her and Twilight can devise a counter spell, leaving Luna to try and run Equestria on her own in the mean time.
Story: Very very conflicted. The story does a lot of major things extremely well, manages to bring in ideas and plot points that really shouldn’t work. Sudden dark twists, radical alterations to characters, several other things that shouldn't fit together, and yet the story manages to do them incredibly well. Yet at the same time the story has a lot of little things that should be easy, that would lead to things being even better, that it falls just short of actually using right. It manages to do so much well, and yet still feel off.
I’ve already covered the idea of the Four Lines all Waiting trope. That is one of the highlights of how this story is at once extremely well done, yet still feeling off. It has a ton of separate, though interrelated, plot threads; Princess Luna dealing with trying to run the kingdom on her own, trying to improve her public image, dealing with the nobility, Princess Celestia’s introspection and reexamination of things she’s done as she looks on them from the outside and through the difference in how ponies react to Luna, Luna and Twilight’s conflict over treating Celestia like an adult and forcing her to act like one, and simply letting her enjoy her time as a foal while she can, Twilight searching for a way to break the curse, the entire Kuchen sub plot, millennia of sibling rivalries and buried resentment on both ends coming to a head, the Blueblood seeking revenge on Luna plot thread, and a few other minor ones. The story should feel like a bloated mess. Yet, it doesn’t. It does an amazing job at juggling all the plot’s, keeping each one engaging, interweaving them when possible, all of them making sense, occurring naturally from the setting. But at the same time, while it makes each individual plot thread work and avoids feeling bloated or the normal issues of dealing with so many, it doesn’t quite make them gel perfectly. Each plot thread is fine more or less, a few issues here and there, yet they don’t seem to flow well from one to the other. They don’t quite combine into one cohesive whole that’s stronger then the sum of it’s parts. Simply one equal to the sum of it’s parts.
The biggest issue there, I think, is with how they flow into each other, how each plot thread weaves into another. It tends to feel just a little off, a little forced. Like it’s happening because that’s what the story says happened. It makes logical sense why it’s there, it works fine in that regards, but the execution leaves them feeling just a little weaker then they should. The story can feel a little schizophrenic at times, switching quickly between moods. This applies even more to the characters, but will get to that later, though it’s the same issue. The mood, tone, etc... of the story tends to feel like it shifts around a lot, like it can’t quite pick what it wants to be, what it wants to focus on. Every emotion, all the tone, all the steps make sense and work, but it’s the transitions between them that feel jarring. Overall, as far as structure, it avoids the main issues of a story having so many plot threads, but doesn’t quite manage to avoid feeling a little unfocused about where it’s going and how it’s getting there.
Celestia and Luna’s parts are better handled in the character section, since both are very heavily about character development for the two of them. Of the other main plot points, the Kutchen one is the one that feels the most out of place, most poorly made to flow well into the story, and yet doesn’t have anything where it logically doesn’t work. The extremely dark turn of it is one reason for that. It’s not so much it doesn't work with the story, or is out of place entirely in the setting and more it shows up so suddenly, and has a tone so at odds with the rest of the story, it just feels out of place. It does work logically, but could have been integrated into it more smoothly.
Then there is the whole Blueblood subplot. The initial bits were good, but the later ones felt tacked on, unneeded for the story. They really didn’t serve the narrative at all, beyond adding some last minute drama and conflict. But they could have been entirely removed and not really changed much. Or at least that would be the case if the whole point of them wasn’t to set up the sequel. But again it could have been better made to flow naturally through the story.
That is really my biggest and root issue with the narrative as a whole. It has some amazing ideas, scenes that are really great and amazing to think about and explore. But it doesn’t quite make them all work together smoothly. It feels like they are there to serve the story, rather then as a natural flow of events. But, just barely. It works logically that way, but manages to feel like it fell just short of the goal it was going for. Like with the Nobles. I loved how that played out, the entire idea around why they were acting that way, everything about it was great... except for how it seemed to be forgotten about after it was done. Once their scenes were over, there was hardly a mention of it after, despite several times where it might have worked out. Like having them help with some of the disaster relief Luna was trying to arrange, points where the idea could have been better used. It’s so close to being amazing, but manages to be just the slightest bit off.
Oh and one last thing, you can’t really talk about this story without talking about the whole Discord scene. Yeah it was unnecessarily gory. Far far far darker then anything else, even in a story with a lot of dark themes and story elements, and was just gratuitous. (Plus I’d argue out of character for Discord, but that’s for later). But this story handled something like that the best way I can think of. Not just a “Skip this part” warning, or pretending it doesn't exist. If you can skip the part and not miss out on anything, it has no point in being in the story in the first place. But this does have a point, there is a reason for it. It’s just a little excessive about how it went about it. But instead of that, having an alternate, toned down version. Same events, less graphic depiction. Of the two, I vastly prefer the second version, not just for how it fits better in the story and isn’t so graphically dark and gory for no reason, but the after bit where Luna explains Celestia still hasn’t fully recovered from those wounds. Initial version, she’s pretty much a cripple with a lot of things regular ponies can do that she can’t. It depicts her as far weaker then one would think and feels off. Second version, she’s still technically crippled and reduced. But it’s from what she could do before. Even with that reduced, she’s still stronger, faster, and more physically able then regular ponies. So yeah, I get the complaints about that section, and do think it should have just gone with the second version. But it does have a point, and was well used for what it was.
Characters: The characters are an even bigger reason for the story feeling just a little unfocused. Especially Celestia and Luna, their emotions switch around, change, and jump between various states so quickly and with so little transition at times, they feel slightly schizophrenic. All their emotions, all their feelings are ones that make sense, but they have a habit of jumping around in how they are feeling with little obvious transition. No clear flow of development. Yes Celestia is dealing with her foal body’s hormones and just all around less mature biology effecting her emotions, impulse control, just generally making it hard for her to act the same. I do love that part, but it wasn’t well used. It never feels like a struggle, like her adult mind is fighting the impulses of her foal body. You can’t tell what is the result of her change in age, and how much is just repressed issues. The story simply doesn’t do a good job of exploring the dichotomy, more feeling like it’s just an excuse for her to act that way. Now I will say there was one scene where it was very well used, the first dinner after she was turned, when she found out her foal taste buds find food she used to love unpalatable. That was a good use of this. But after that it simply did not explore the idea to it’s fullest. It was not by any means ‘bad’ but a little disappointing in how it felt it could have been used much better.
As to outright character, same issue, there are points that make sense, but are just either taken a little to far, or not taken far enough. Celestia’s pranks that set this whole thing off. Tia dealing with her stress by teasing Luna somewhat. I do like that idea, falling back into the older sister dynamic, trying to help Luna have some fun and relax a bit. Taking things a bit to far, that isn’t a bad idea, I just think the pranks she pulled went to far. They were to mean spirited feeling, not just harmless little bits of fun. Yes Tia realizing she’d gone to far was the point, but it just did it a little to hard. Then there is the whole issue with the Nobles. I really loved that revelation, that these insufferable, egotistical flank-holes only kept acting like they did, like ponies Celestia couldn’t stand, because they thought it’s what she wanted. Because she never confronted them about it, never voiced her disapproval. Because she instead just acted passive aggressive towards them, giving logical reasons for her absences, putting on a mask when she did have to interact with them. Leaving them to think that if she hasn’t told them not to, she’s fine with it and even expects it. I loved that revelation and it really worked. But it wasn’t explored as well a it could be. It made Tia feel like crap, made her question herself yes, but it never explored the reasons for it, had her realize just what went wrong, why she failed them and how in more specific terms. Again, it was done well on it’s own, but still felt lacking, like it simply didn’t fully embrace the potential of the situation. Then you have the outright OOC bit, Celestia’s treatment of Kuchen. Outright demanding he forgo all contact with anypony, ignore his wife and friends, ordering him to devote himself 24/7 to his studies, without telling him why. Yes I get it’s supposed to be a great mistake, something she knows she screwed up and still feels haunted by. It just went to far, and was far to blunt. Just ordering him like that... it doesn’t work. She was just too direct, too at odds with everything we know about her. Yes returning Luna was important, and I have no issue with her pressuring Kutchen to focus on his research and push him to make it the most important thing he does. Just not so bluntly. It removes so much potential. It would have worked so much better if she had been pushing him, without really meaning to. Reminding him of how vital this is, telling him how grateful she’ll be when it’s done, making him chose to devote more and more time to his studies to please her, not because she’ll punish him if he doesn’t. Then blame her for making him do so. For pushing him like she did, even if she never meant to drive him away from his family. Or, if she was still so direct, tie it back into the story better then just being a one off moment of out of character behavior. Have how disastrous that went be what caused her to be more passive aggressive, to not confront ponies directly, to try and be more circumspect in how she deals with things she wishes would change.
Luna also felt a bit uncertain, a bit all over the place. Such as her insistence to Twilight that they treat Celestia like an adult at all times, not let her start thinking and acting like a foal, keep her in her right mind. Okay fair enough, except Luna spends most of the story doing just that, treating Celestia like a foal, except only in the most negative ways. Telling her what she can and can’t do, trying to control her every moment, forcing her to eat stuff she doesn't like, embarrassing her by having the staff bathe her and groom her, grounding her.
With both of them, there is clear character development, there is clear growth and direction in where they are going. But rather then a smooth arc, it’s a jagged process that jumps around a lot, while still mostly going in a clear direction. As with so many things in the story, it’s not exactly done badly, but it falls short of being as good as it could have been though feeling a bit aimless and uneven.
As to other characters. Twilight was handled fairly well overall, as were the other Mane 6. Spike, was an utter idiot and caused conflict by being so, simply for the sake of causing conflict. Yet, I can’t really complain too much about how idiotic that is, given that pretty much is his role in the show half the time. The rest of the characters were all well done, kept simple enough not to have the issues the ones with more focus tend to get. With two exceptions, Discord, and Blueblood.
Blueblood... yeah I hate the guy, he deserves all the pain he can get and is rather despicable. But even then, this story takes it way to far. Casually wanting to exterminate an entire village over a few ponies living there doing something he didn’t like? But, I’ll get more into that with the sequel.
Discord, yes that infamous, extremely dark part of the story. I do think it was an effective use of the darker aspects, and not entirely out of place in the setting. But still, that did not feel at all like Discord. Even before his redemption, even with just the one appearance, he never came off as a sadist. As cruel just for the sake of being cruel. He just wanted to have fun. Yes he didn’t care at all about others, saw them as nothing more then toys for him to play with. But it was all in good fun for him. He would make a ponies life miserable through some ‘fun’ little change. He likely wouldn’t even care much of one of his ‘pranks’ killed someponies. But he wouldn’t go out of his way to do so, he wouldn’t just brutally maim and try to kill some pony just like that. If nothing else, if he breaks his toy, it’s broken and he can’t have fun with it any longer. Just, the portrayal here over emphasized the “Evil” portion of his character, rather then the ‘chaotic’ which is the exact opposite of his character.
Engagement: For all those issues I’ve stated, the story is still a blast to read. While the characters seemingly random changes in mood might feel off, each one is well done and fun to watch them explore. Despite being a rather dark story at times, it still has a good sense of fun and lightheartedness to it, enough to keep things from getting depressingly grim and serious. It’s all around a very easy and enjoyable read that does a good job of cutting between multiple plot threads without any one feeling rushed or out of place. Knowing just when to cut from one scene to the next in a way that leaves you eager to see where it goes, but also glad to be seeing the new stuff as well. Balancing them all extremely well. For all the roughness of their emotional changes at times, you do care for the characters, can easily get invested in them and want to see them overcome these issues, see them grow and become better then they were. Just a very easy story to get lost in and not want to put down.
Ponyness: As I said, the characters all feel in character, bar that one issue with Celestia’s dealing with Kutchen. All their emotions and moods felt like things they would be doing, the issue was just how randomly they swapped between them. Pushing Kutchen as the reason for Pinkie’s... Pinkieness came on a bit to strong. It could have worked, but as so much else, could have been implemented more smoothly. The story overall is a great examination of Luna and Celestia’s relationship, gives some great development to both of them. While it is darker in tone in spots then the show, not so much it seems out of place, and has plenty of the more lighthearted moments you’d expect.
As far as taking place in Equestria, the only thing that really felt out of place was how overly exaggerated everyponies fear of the Princesses was. Petitioners whimpering about ‘please don’t send me to the moon’ and feeling like any little slip up could result in banishment or worse. There is no reason, at all, ponies would be that afraid of Celestia, or ever think she would do something like that. Be nervous about offending her, want to make a good impression, try to gain her approval, even if they go to ridiculous extremes of thinking what might offend her? Yes. But out of love and respect, because she is so important to them, so beloved, that they don’t want her to think badly of them. Not out of fear of some iron hoofed dictator that condemns ponies to harsh punishment for the slightest affront to her. Same for everyponies fear of Luna. It was something she’d likely have to face, but the story pushed it just a little to far.
Then there was the oddness about Luna and Celestia’s roles in Equestria. How they are governed by laws themselves. Which don’t get me wrong, is a good thing, but is very oddly implemented. There are these rules about how they can and can’t act, who rules at what times, what to do if one steps down, all of them seem rather arbitrary, make little sense why they would be that way, and apparently Luna and Celestia can simply change them on a whim anyway.. so what was the point?
But besides those issues, it did feel very much like an exploration of the characters, used them well, had some great development for the Royal Sisters. A backstory for Equestria that was interesting, if not one I like to go with. Just an all around good pony tale.
Overall: Great. The story has it’s flaws to be sure, but they are more then covered by what it does right. It’s sweet, hilarious, touching, engaging, all in the right measures. Where it fails is simply not fully utilizing the potential it has. The basic concept, and the overall larger narrative is really really well done. But the execution of the details of it is rather rough. The story as a whole works fine, and only needs a good editing pass to smooth over the rough spots. Polish up the bits that weren’t done as well as they feel they should have been. And make things feel more focused.
So how to end a story about Celestia gaining new insight’s into herself? Well, might as well see just how truly deep Celestia can be.
I think the "schizophrenic" character treatment pretty much sums up my issue with this story.
This was a great review, and I pretty much agree with all of it.
The inconsistencies and jagged character and plot development can be chalked up to me not really planning this story out as I should have. There were far too many things I threw in there simply because I enjoyed it, it was popular in the fandom at the time, or I just wasn't thinking clearly. It's astonishing it worked as well as it did, and I'm still kind of surprised so many people like it. If I had a chance to do it again, I'd definitely have a full editor on the story. (The one I had...well, disappeared on me early on, and I let my bitterness overrule good judgment for a time.)
That said, I'm glad people enjoyed MLA despite its flaws. Thank you for this honest and well-written review.