Series: Why FIMFiction sucks Reason no. 1: The Featured Box. · 2:37pm Jul 10th, 2015
As you can tell from the title, this is the first of many blog posts that will expose how shitty of a site FIMFiction is and how knighty and the rest of the fucking mods are piles of utter crap and dogshit and deserve to get their shit kicked in personally by NeggaMunneySwagMunney because the way this site is run is fucking DOGSHIT.
Without any further ado, let's fucking start this motherfucker.
Aight, Behold. One of the most utter fucking pieces of shit that exist on this site is before your eyes, simply because the stories featured are bad fucking stories. I'll give a brief review of all of the bad fucking stories, except the fucking clop fiction (I understand everyone has his fucking kinks, but this is one that I do not get, sorry). And checking the box, there's... less clop than I expected, actually. I thought that there were going to be at least three or something but as of the moment that screenshot above was taken, there's only fucking one. So I'm not going to review that story because it is utter fucking dogshit by default since some sweaty fucking fat pansy brony spent time and effort into making an 4,000+ word essay on how much he wants to see Twilight insert a cock into Shining Armor or some shit (this is a guess from the picture, I am not going to fucking read the story).
Just a reminder before I go into the reviews, I'm not in any way salty or bitter that none of my stories got into the featured box since I kinda expected that; the chance of getting featured is next to fucking impossible for me, given the controversial and utterly fucking gangster nature of my stories that are apparently too NSFW for all of your man-child eyes. My four golden stories on this site are the only ones worth reading out of all of the crap that this site shits out. Fact is, here's a list of the top stories on FIMFiction (ranked from fucking great to not as fucking great) that everyone should (and can) read like a bible.
1. Rarity gets done by hamsters.
2. Eminem sends his enemies to Equestria.
3. The Best Study Method.
4. The Chronicles of Spike: The Motto.
Every other story on this site is pretty much nothing in comparison, so do keep that in mind. They aren't featured because the mods are fucking DOGSHIT and the community as a whole, generally is DOGSHIT with most of you fuckers being autistic brony shitstains who wank to Twilight Sparkle 24 FUCKING 7. Now on to the reviews.
1. An old coot.
2. Ya'llin.
3. Change is good.
4. Nightmarejack.
5. Dying to get there.
6. Wanna trade?
7. Twilight's room is flooded with seamen.
8. Grossly incandescent.
9. My little disney 2: music is slightly more magic.
10. The rise and fall of the dark lord Sasaflash.
1. An old coot. Alright I had to endure the pain of skimming through this 8,000 word shitshow and this author is really fucking smart, I admit. He knows how to tug at the heartstrings of autists in this shitty fiction site so without having to write up a 140,000 word saga he gets fucking featured because he writes a story about Twilight dying. Evidence no.1 of how this Featured box and the community is a huge big fucking shitstain, that when it comes to sad fucking sappy stories, people eat that shit right up like a slave licking shit off his master's boot. You make a story where Twilight dies, your chances of getting featured is increased by a niggaton, okay. Plus, this shitstain Bachhaveliian or however you spell this shitstain author's name keeps using the word 'drake' in the story, when Drake is actually the second best rapper in the world (first being me) so he's really got to keep his nose in a dictionary the next time he writes a story.
2. Ya'llin. First off, before I say anything, Applejack is downright the worst fucking pony in the series (though they are all dogshit) and any media that features her being the main character (like a story, or animation etc.) does not deserve any fucking recognition because they are the product of brony hipsters who want to root for the worst fucking pony and bring up her reputation. Alright, PSA for all of the shitstains who love this shitty pony, JUST FUCKING STOP ok. So onto the review... honestly I am not reviewing this story because of the above reasons. shortskirtsandexplosions is a fucking failure of an author and I don't even fucking understand why that shitstain is fucking writing at all in the first place. Plus, there are 5 chapters and it's going to be a pain skimming through it all.
3. Change is good. Aight, I've got no problems with Queen Chrysalis because she is the only black queen in this series, so she gets half of my nigga seal of approval partly because of that. But she's a pony, so I can't give it to her fully. And I won't give it to her, if you know what I mean, because I'm NOT a fucking horse fucker like 80% of the fucking community who made an account just to fap to pony fucking stories. Alright, I was ok with most of the story, a little autistic here and there, then I stumbled upon the part where Celestia kissed Twilight and I backed the fuck out of there because not only are they gay fucking ponies, they are fucking lesbian horses that can use magic to create rainbows so from then on I concluded the entire story was shit. By the way guys, that whole gay pride and legalisation of gay marriage is fucking bullshit, I might explain my reasons behind it in some future blog, but for now let's go on shitting on every single one of these "High quality pieces of fiction" that are "worthy" of an honoured spot on the featured box.
4. Nightmarejack. First of all, why the fuck are featured stories on this site so fucking long? Do these kids have anything else on their fucking minds other than getting together with their pony waifus and spurting their white boy semen so hard on them that they get coloured the shade of Rarity? Fuck this 10,000 word shit. Plus, Applejack is the main character so fuck that Southern bitch, I'm not reviewing this one.
5. Dying to get there. From the outside, this story seems pretty enormous, got like 1800 up votes and a shit ton of views in a week so that's impressive. Impressively autistic, but I shan't go on. So I skim the story and it's full of FUCKING dialogue. Every line has a fucking conversation, and it seems like it's basically a story where Twilight gets mad, AGAIN, and everyone on this site has a fucking hard-on for seeing Twilight getting mad. I can just imagine all of you brony virgins licking your lips before reading this story, smiling and laughing as your cheetos-stained breaths permeating the room as you lot guffaw and howl, whilst uttering the word "funny" as your fucking lungs give up on you obese shitstains who proceed to grab a fucking respirator to calm your asthma down. This is probably the worst fucking story that I have ever reviewed on this fucking list, the only thing good about it was that I didn't have to skim through 10,000 words of Applejack being a protagonist.
6. Wanna trade? Clop fiction, fuck that shit.
7. Twilight's room is flooded with seamen. Fucking A, nice fucking clickbait title right there kid. This story is actually... not too bad, but I realised this story was too familiar to my recent rejected story about Tupac, Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre giving Twilight a good time. This author practically took out my nigga characters, replaced them with 'seamen' then proceeded to plagiarise my fucking work by posting it to FIMFiction and then proceeding to get a shit ton of views and up votes and shit because he copied and pasted straight out of my work. He obviously hacked my account and extracted the relevant materials to get featured. This is fucking dogshit and illegal, mmkay, but the mods allow this because they are fucking DOGSHIT and have a hard-on for pissing me off. The reception of this story just goes to show that NeggaMunneySwagMunney is the best author this world has EVER seen, and his blaze of glory has to be stolen by some shitstain on the internet who can't write even if his other option was to get a black big cock stuffed down his throat.
8. Grossly incandescent. First off, I'm not reading any of this because it's 72,000 words (again, another example of a jobless virgin brony who lives in his mom's basement who literally has nothing better to do). Secondly, because it's a fanfic based off of a game automatically makes it a grade A pile of shit. Its roaring reception just goes to show what a bunch of brony virgin gamers this site's users are and game crossovers are fucking dogshit in general so fuck this fic. It's taking publicity away from genius fics like mine and fics from aspiring authors who directly follow my style.
9. My little disney 2: music is slightly more magic. I won't lie, Disney was a huge part of my childhood and the songs were pretty dope (which nigga hasn't cried to Colours of the Wind?) but butchering classics by parodying them to fit MLP is fucking shit. This is basically done to 230 songs or some shit. 230 songs butchered for some brony virgin to get attention on his fucking pony site, this is a serious 'shake my head' moment right fucking here. 230 songs, holy shit... that's more than my store of fucking big booty pictures on instagram, ok. And that is saying a lot. So, fuck this fic, Walt Disney would be rolling in his fucking grave were he to know some sweaty brony virgin on the internet parodied his songs to make them applicable to horses.
10. The rise and fall of the dark lord Sasaflash. Alright, this is a fucking dogshit fic, It's late and I don't want to review this (77,000 fucking words) but I know it's low quality grade piss straight from knighty's fucking gonorrhoea infected cock hole because it tries to make ponies seem edgy and cool. Remember that one point I made in my blog that flamed Meeester about ponies being made to look cool and grungy? Well, that is fucking applicable right here. This author tries to insert his fucking OC Sasaflash and make people relate to that shit. Newsflash kid, shit won't fly because it's an OC. He probably has his 3,900 views because he either view-botted or the fucking people on this site take pity on him because there is absolutely no fucking way people's tastes are that bad. But it's bronies we're talking about, so the impossible is possible. And just to reiterate, OCs are fucking bad, you should never write about them because it is impossible to relate to them, unless the OC is a nigga and straight up G who smokes kush everyday. So just fucking stop, you shitstains.
In conclusion... this reviewing journey has been a fucking shitshow, I hope this is my first and last blog where I have to review multiple stories because it's fucking tiresome. I'm more active now so I will accept review requests, because I am the best author this world has ever fucking seen. You can request for my review to be made public or private and I will be as honest as I can with the story. And I WILL fucking read it, unless it's 140,000 words long. In that case, please let me review a chapter instead. Hopefully, if my reviews get really fucking big, I can influence more people to stop doing the shit that makes this community the shithole it currently is. From my blog, you probably think that I find 100% of FIMFiction to be a fucking shithole but no I don't, there's some good in everything and I might post another blog about things in stories that I find acceptable and non-autistic, which shines a bit in this site. It's faint, but it's fucking there, I'm telling you. So, drop a PM, drop a comment, I don't fucking care how you do it, just don't link me a story that is locked from me without telling me the FUCKING password, and I will review that motherfucker.
So, as always, NeggaMunneySwagMunney, best fiction writer the world has ever seen, also best reviewer the world has ever fucking seen, signing out.
these are fucking funny.
Well. Nice work my man.
Was clapping through the whole thing.
I thought I was the only one really.....
Bravo.
3225668 Well, it's only you and I who are clapping then, because the thread I posted in Rage Reviews linking this blog post was deleted in like 5 nanoseconds so yeah, people are really after my fucking dick.
3225674 It seems so.
I am torn between taking you seriously and taking you seriously-not-seriously.
Send help.
The featured box usually belongs to set of authors only and one hit wonders.
I feel about 80% of Fimfiction have 15% chance of getting in.
The other 20% have 75% because of something.
The remaining 10% go to stories once featured that return.
I usually skip the box, but I sense a few cliches.
One shots that are comedic. Dramas about traveling and sadness. Oc adventures I don't notice. Clopfics...sometime futa.
But that's just me. Love your review.
(Assuming you're not joking, it's very hard to tell whether you're joking or not), You're preachin' to the choir...except, I like Applejack, and I'm pleasently surprised that AJ gets so much positive attention. Honestly, you'd think that because FIMFiction has so many hipsters, that AJ would be usually depicted as what hipsters who care more about being edgy than being right pretend that they think "'Muricans" are like: Incestuous alcoholic gun-toting homophobic racists. But that's actually not the most common depiction of AJ; AJ is usually depicted as a hard-working family girl who's been through so much pain, and has only learned to become stronger and move on through life. I can actually respect some FIMFictioners for depicting AJ so well.
Besides that, FIMFiction's culture can suck ass. You can't expect to behave on other websites like you do on FIMFiction without serious consequences. I'm mostly here to be there for the good people, and to play the role of devil's advocate.
Why isn't your cover picture Kanye?
3226067 Yeezy's alright.
Umm... Wow. You have plenty of great points, especially concerning the Featured Box, but the delivery was... Unorthodox.
I both enjoyed and disliked this review, but good job.