More About "More About Time"

This post sort of sums up the thoughts I had before and during my writing of More About Time. If you don't have time to read it all, feel free to read just the first one or two sections. The rest are simply deleted scenes and story concepts.

Thank You to Readers Past, Present, and Future:

Writing this story was interesting for me. It was both fun and frustrating to write. Overall, I am proud of how it turned out and I'm glad that the reception has been mostly positive.

I know it's said a lot, but I really do want to thank the readers for getting me through this. The long hiatuses in the middle of my writing should show without a doubt that, without feedback and continued engagement, this story would never have been completed.

Thank you to everyone who favorited, commented, and liked this story for encouraging me to finish what I started.

This may seem strange, but future readers helped me as well. Not in a direct "traveled-to-the-past" sense, but during the longest unintended break I took, the story still received attention. I had a fear that all my readers would have given up on the story in my absence. That clearly was not true, but in my moments of doubt I could still write for future readers. When nothing else would motivate me, I thought of someone finding this story months or even years from now and how, if even one person could enjoy it, then it was worth my time to write. Thankfully, people can continue to enjoy this for as long as FiMFiction exists.

So thank you to those who read, or will someday read, this story.

Alternate Endings and Original Concepts:

I became quite tempted toward the end to change this story into one with a sad, yet hopeful ending: One in which Twilight realizes she can never undo her mistakes, but she still works to try to make the world she is in now a better place.

I also considered keeping it open-ended: The story would cut to years in the future. Twilight has finally become an alicorn and now she debates about using the time spell again to try to fix everything - will Twilight cast the spell, or will she live with the life she now has? This idea I really liked, but I wanted to stick true to the original core idea of this story.

Our past has happened, we cannot change the past, but we can change the present, and in doing so make a better future. It is hard to fully show this lesson if the past has still been altered at the conclusion of the story.

As I mentioned in a reply to a comment, this story has changed a lot since I had the first idea for it. The core lesson stayed, but how it would be presented was radically different each time I started to work on this story.

My original idea for More About Time was to write episodic chapters connected by the theme of Twilight traveling to the past and visiting the events of prior episodes. This was where the idea of traveling to the past when sleeping occurred. I thought it would be interesting if Twilight could not control her time travels, and would move, Quantum Leap style, to other events every time she went back. I didn't really write anything for this idea, and it was quickly scrapped because I didn't think it would be that interesting. I was surprised when Jay-The-Brony began his "A Second Chance" story as it seemed similar to my original idea. Great minds think alike, I suppose. Or at least, I think like Jay-The-Brony does, on occasion.

The original idea morphed into a story about Spike. Yes, it was going to be mostly from Spike's perspective and he was going to be the hero. Twilight was going to accidentally cast a spell that caused her to travel to the past in her sleep. When she woke up, however, nothing would have changed. Until she went to the past the next night and found that, in the dream world, her changes were happening. Every night this would happen and Spike would begin to grow more and more worried as Twilight began to share her story of the dream world. She was becoming obsessed with the idea that, if she could get the dream world to be perfect, then her changes would translate into the real world. One night, Twilight would no longer awaken and she would begin to fade away into the other timeline she had created. Spike would need to find a way to bring her consciousness back.

That second idea I really liked, and I still do like it, but I don't want to write a second story based around this concept of time travel through dreams. Nor do I want to do another Twilight time travel story in the near future. However, I did write several scenes for that story, and I want to share some of those with you guys here.

I am sorry if some of you feel that one of these other ideas would have been more interesting. They were not meant to be; I'm only going to write this story once.

Spike Story Scenes:

The following are excerpts from the story where Spike is working to save Twilight. I polished these up a bit and tried to fill in the note gaps, but overall these should be read as simply rough drafts.

This first section would have occurred near the climax of the story. I really liked it and actually had planned to find a way to include something like this in the final version of More About Time. I just couldn't find a way to adapt the scene.

---

“I’m sure the Princess is already on her way here!” And no sooner had those words left Spike’s mouth then he gave a burp causing a scroll to appear in front of him. Grabbing it, he pulled it open and read aloud Celestia’s reply.

I am deeply concerned about what has happened to Twilight, but I’m afraid that the fierce weathers of the north have come back for a time. The train is no longer able to reach the Crystal Empire and I do not dare risk myself or anypony else flying back to Ponyville in this storm.

The five ponies gasped, and Rarity even fainted onto the chair next to Twilight’s bed.

Even if I could return, however, I hold no confidence that I can fix this spell. There is a reason that time spells are kept in the most secure section of the Canterlot Archives. They are often unpredictable.

Yet I am also comforted by the fact that Twilight has the most capable friends in all of Equestria. What you may lack in magical ability you more than make up for in faithfulness and ingenuity. You all have been through so much together, facing trials far worse than this. Wherever Twilight has lost herself, I have no doubt that you six can bring her back.

And this last line resonated with Spike. Quietly he spoke, “She said ‘you six’ not ‘you five.’”

“What is it, Spike?” asked Applejack, cantering over to the small dragon. “Did Celestia write anythin’ else?”

The dragon shook himself. “No, that’s all she wrote. But I noticed that she said us six could bring Twilight back. She included me, not just you guys.”

Rainbow Dash gave a small smile. “Of course she included you, Spike. You saved a whole empire once, remember?”

“And you’ve known Twilight longer than anyone, dear.” voiced Rarity as she left the chair. “What if we need to know something about Twilight’s past to get her back to the present? You’d be the only one here who’d know anything about her life before Ponyville.”

It was with that suggestion that everything Spike had read over the last few days began to fall into place.

---

This next excerpt seemed too dark for the kind of story I wanted to write. The goal was to create a plausible reason for why Twilight is still bodily in the world of Equestria. The result was interesting, but not something I wanted for this story.

---

In his whole life Spike had done a lot of writing for Twilight. When the pony wanted to she could dictate on a subject for hours. He never minded his task – it wasn’t exactly difficult and he actually learned a lot from Twilight doing it – but it did mean that he usually was getting second-hand accounts of books and essays form Twilight. He rarely read himself.

The past few days changed all that.

It must have been about 15 books so far. The dragon had lost count by this point, but he thought it was about 15. Currently, he was reading The History and Theory of Time Spells in an attempt to understand how time magic actually worked. The other books he’d read – such as Star Swirl’s Hourglass, a Look at the Master’s Time Magic and Beyond the Curve of Spacetime in Five Time Spells – had given him knowledge of specific spells. However, he hadn’t been able to figure out how they fit together. Each one did something different and he wasn’t able to figure out from those spells which type Twilight had casted. This book was showing him just how complicated manipulating time could really be by explaining the bare-bones theory behind each type of spell. At the same time, however, it finally gave him a clue as to where Twilight’s consciousness had gone.

[Later on:]

“Chapter 5, Section 8, Paragraph 2” he began as he stood among the other five ponies. “A cross-dimensional time spell is not only distinct in its lack of effect on the home timeline’s history or future, but also on the lack of effect upon the caster. To cross between alternate time lines permanently one must eventually bring one’s body. For a brief period, when casting a dimensional time spell, the caster may bodily remain in their world.” Spike added emphasis to this line, then continued. “In a process known as probing, one’s consciousness first overcomes the consciousness of oneself in the parallel world. As one probes the new timeline, one may influence events there and examine the world around oneself. However, after a time, one’s consciousness in the host timeline will reassert itself. Usually this process will take less than 24 hours. It is in this time, before the host consciousness has reasserted itself that one must choose to bodily leave their home world to permanently reside in the host world.”

“Wh—what happens to the host pony?” asked Fluttershy, fear filling her eyes.

Spike shook his head. “It goes on to explain that the effects aren’t known. That’s why this kind of magic isn’t usually done. Some ponies worry that the host pony is just... gone.”

---

This is the final excerpt from the other version of this story. It is the climax. Leading up to this moment, the story would go back and forth between Twilight reliving the episode "The Crystal Empire Part 2" while Spike and the remane 5 prepare to rescue her. Finally, Spike is able to insert himself into Twilight's version of the past.

---

She was looking at Spike directly. The ground around her was becoming less stable as Sombra neared the palace. She took her eyes off him and looked around her. “Spike, you have to take the heart downstairs! The future depends on it!”

“Twilight, look at me!” demanded Spike. “We might only get one shot at this. Just focus on me and on the present – the real present. You aren’t in the Crystal Empire. You’re back in Ponyville with your friends. You’re in a hospital bed and all of us are around you. Focus on that thought.”

She could hear screams of terror in the streets and could swear she heard the laughing of Sombra. “But Cadence. The Crystal Ponies. They need the Crystal Heart!”

“They needed it, Twilight, but not anymore. We already defeated Sombra. That’s in the past. You have to let that go!” She looked down at her assistant. Her friend. He looked worried, but she could tell it was not about the dark crystals rising around them. And then he begged, “Please Twilight. These ponies needed you in the past, but we need you in the present. Please. Focus on me and on the present moment. The real present moment.”

Biting her lip, Twilight nodded. She looked at Spike again, focusing on the thought that she was back in Ponyville. For a moment, the world flashed and she could see Spike standing beside her surrounded by their friends in Ponyville General Hospital. Then it was back to the destruction of the Crystal Empire. “I can’t do it, Spike. I’ve tried before. I just have to fix all the mistakes I made in the past. That’s the only way.”

“No.” Spike spoke firmly. He did not shout, and that made his statement all the more devastatingly powerful. “You are disappearing from the real world. If you keep this up, you’ll vanish into another timeline. You aren’t moving closer to reality while you live in the past, you’re moving farther away.”

A large black spike rose out of the floor between the two and Spike had to reposition himself to see Twilight again. In just the few moments of lost eye contact Twilight was already getting lost in the past again. How can I snap her out of it? Nothing he imagined would be enough. This story Twilight had lost herself in this time was far too engrossing.

Deleted Scenes:

There were also some parts to the final story that I didn't end up including for one reason or another. I thought I could present them here.

This scene was going to actually go into the final product, but I decided to cut it for sake of time and space. The scene shows that the Flim Flam Brothers have been reformed through their dealings with Applejack. I wrote a few paragraphs before I scrapped the idea.

---

Twilight walked into the store and was met by shelves of products in all shapes and sizes. Everything from ciders and tonics to clothes and tapestries. She was greeted by none other than Flim, who was standing behind the counter and had just finished serving a customer.

"Come again!" he said happily before speaking to Twilight from across the store. "Good afternoon, Princess Sparkle. How can the Flim Flam Super Center serve our wonderful alicorn of friendship today?"

Twilight was quite surprised. Flim not only wore a more professional dress shirt, he also seemed genuinely happy to see her in the store.

"Hello, Flim," said Twilight, nervously. "Where's your brother?"

"In Manehattan! Working out another deal with one of our distributors. The Flim Flam brand is turning out to be an Equestria-wide sensation!" Flim wore a broad smile and his eyes gleamed with pride.

---

This scene was going to be the end of Chapter 8. In a way it is an alternate ending to that chapter. While I initially liked the idea, it just didn't seem to work with the mood I wanted to have going into Chapter 9. I wanted there to be a sudden, jarring change in mood and this ominous ending doesn't lend itself to that. It leaves the reader knowing for certain that something has gone wrong.

---

When she reached the top of the stairs, however, Twilight found herself to be rather light headed. Stumbling to the side, Twilight fell onto the floor of her study. Assessing herself, the mare felt a strong pain in her temples. She knew that pain, even if it was a pain she hadn't felt in months. Overexertion, she thought. I used too much magic. Oh Celestia, I used magic like I was still an alicorn. Another foolish mistake.

"Twilight?" she heard Spike call from the loft. The dragon looked down to where Twilight lay. "Twilight!" He quickly made his way down the stairs.

Twilight wanted to will herself up. She had to go back to reading. Yet her body would not allow it. The moment enough adrenaline was gone, all of that magic had caught up with her. Twilight closed her eyes for a while. It was nice to have less sensory input. Her headache definitely didn't want her to look around. I can't pass out now, she thought. The timeline...

When Twilight reopened her eyes, the room was now much harder to see. The blurred form of her dragon appeared in front of her. Or was it her dragon? "Spike?" she asked. The purple being shouted something. Her name? A question? Twilight couldn't tell, so she closed her eyes.

Wait, I'm not supposed to sleep. I have to... To do something. What was it? There was another shout and she felt two things push at her side.

Yes, sleep definitely sounded like a good idea. Whatever it was could wait until tomorrow.

Going Forward:

I'm looking forward to my next project, and, if you've stuck through this blog, I'd like to share a sneak peek of that next project with you.

This story is one about Scootaloo and Discord. It has a concept that others have thought of before, but the focus of the story is not really about the initial transaction or the results. It is a story about what it takes to have genuine friendship. How friendship is a product of something deeper than giving, receiving, and simply spending time together.

The scene takes place in the park. Scootaloo and Discord happen to bump into each other.

Excerpt from Friendship for a Fee Chapter 1:

"How lovely to meet you, Scootaloo." Discord gave a bow, a top hat appearing upon his head. "How are you doing today?"

Now it was Scootaloo who sighed. "I'm okay, I guess."

Even with his unrefined friendship skills Discord could tell that something was bothering the little pony. "Okay you guess? Oh, come now. You must have done something fun today? Did you learn something new? Or spend time with somepony you like? Or..." he tried to think of something a little pegasus filly might do for fun. "...fly someplace exciting?"

Scootaloo froze at those words. She sat down and turned her head away from Discord, looking toward the ground and trying not to start crying. She did sniffle.

And Discord could tell he had said something wrong. Oh dear. What are you supposed to do when you make someone else sad? Fluttershy hadn't covered that in her friendship lesson, but he had learned a bit about it from being her friend. So he moved closer to Scootaloo and said, "Scootaloo." The filly looked up at him. "I don't know what I said to make you upset, but I am truly sorry. Here!" In his hand appeared a brightly colored daisy.

Surprise filled the eyes of the orange pony. She looked from Discord to the flower. Then she reached out her hoof and took the daisy. This did make her smile some. "Thanks," she said.

Discord smiled himself and then remembered what Fluttershy said about not expecting friendship to happen right away. Perhaps it is time for me to quit while I am ahead. "Whatever is the matter, I do hope you feel better. See you around, Scootaloo!" The draconaquis turned and began to walk away. It seemed like a hopeful end to the day, but yet again the orange filly had a surprise for him.

"Wait."

Looking back, he saw the pegasus standing up again. She had put the flower behind her ear. She then trotted over to him. Normally Discord felt like he understood the world around him better than most. In fact, he needed to in order to properly perform his magic. To have somepony surprise him twice in one day was rare. This friendship business is more complicated than I realized.

"Discord," the pony began. "It's not your fault. You didn't know because we've never met before."

"And what is it that I did not know?"

Yet again, Scootaloo looked away. But she did speak, "I... I can't fly."

Make that three surprises. "I see. And I suppose that is why my questions upset you?"

The filly nodded. "It's not just that. The reason my day was only okay is because I've been thinking about that. I hung out with Rainbow Dash, but I can't fly around with her like I want to."

"You and Rainbow Dash are friends, I take it?"

"Yeah," she said, her face lighting up. "Rainbow Dash is like my big sister!"

Discord felt a twinge of jealousy. Rainbow Dash barely speaks to me... "And do you have other friends?" he asked.

"Of course," again, the filly was excited at the thought of her friends. "There's Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell. They're Applejack and Rarity's sisters - and I spend time with them too. Oh, and Twilight Sparkle! She's been teaching me about building things at her house!"

Even Twilight. "Are those your only friends?"

"Well, those are probably my best friends. I'm also friends with Pinkie Pie - but, let's face it everypony is friends with her. And I sometimes spend time with Fluttershy. Then there are some other fillies and colts at school I like. And some other ponies around town I hang out with. You know how it is."

Now it was Discord's turn to be saddened by what Scootaloo said. "Actually, Scootaloo," he said. "I don't know how it is..." His ears fell and he flopped onto the ground. "If misery truly does love company then it should please you to know that you are not the only one upset today."

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. "Are you upset too? What are you upset about? You're Discord! You can do anything you want!"

"Well, I don't do anything I want anymore. But even if I could, I would still be missing out on something that you have. Friends."

"You don't have any friends?"

"Well, I might have a couple of friends. Fluttershy is my friend without a doubt. And I suppose I would say that Twilight is my friend as well. But when I'm honest I can't think of another pony in all of Equestria that I can truly call a friend besides them. I can't even say that Pinkie Pie is my friend."

Scootaloo was dumbstruck. Only maybe two friends? That must be really hard. Scootaloo tried to imagine what her life would be like if her only friends were Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo. She was sure that she would be okay with that for a little while - they were great friends - but eventually. Eventually even with those two she would feel lonely. She moved and laid down next to the draconaquis on the ground. "I'm sorry, Discord" was all she could say.

The two sat in silence for a while. Celestia's sun moved accross the sky. A few birds moved past. Otherwise there was nothing happening. Discord wondered if ponies were avoiding the area since he was present, but a part of him was comforted to have Scootaloo nearby. He didn't want to risk scaring away the filly now, but he wanted to know if she would return his friendship. What is something I can offer to do with her? Something that she won't turn down right away out of fear?

And then it came to him. As clear as this day was.

"Scootaloo," Discord said, ending the silence. He looked over at the little filly. "I was thinking. There might be a way for us to help each other."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Well, as you said, I can do just about anything. I can change the color of these flowers." At the snap of his finger a nearby bed of roses turned from red to blue. "I can change the weather." A cloud appeared just above them, providing instant shade from the sun. "And I could, if you wanted me to, that is..." He didn't finish the sentence and instead let the filly finish it in her own mind.

The gears only took a moment to turn and the pony's purple eyes blasted open to cartoonish proportions. "Are you...? You mean you could...? I'd be able to...?" Scootaloo couldn't form the words. But she knew what Discord meant.

And he knew that she knew. So he helped her finish. "Yes, I could give you the wings you need to fly."

Scootaloo jumped to her feet and turned back to face Discord. "You'd do that for me?" Her expression was something between awe and fear, with a strong helping of desire.

"I can, but I'd like it if you could help me also," he said. "I would like it if you would be my friend."

Conclusion:

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, and I hope you enjoyed this preview of Friendship for a Fee. I certainly look forward to writing more in that story, and here's to more entertaining stories here on FiMFiction.

Comments

[Sorden]

Thanks for writing a great story. This post was also an interesting read.

[RowanSkie]

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