Ghost of a Rose: Updates and Side-Stories · 11:32pm Mar 8th, 2015
First of all... Spoilers lay ahead.
I would like to share a few things here. First of all, parts of Ghost have been updated. Chapter 4 remains untouched as yet because I'm not sure how to handle a complete rewrite of a few scenes (you know the ones) just yet. I've got a few ideas and proto-outlines in my planning documents. The reason for this re-write is for an Equestria Daily rejection I received months ago, that I've been slowly churning away at. The largest of the updates so far is the addition of a few paragraphs and the changing of the largest motivation for Rose to stay in the memory world.
That part has been changed minutely, but the end result is the same. Secondly is Rose's reaction to the signs of a pregnancy, and how she recognizes the signs. Again, not a lot changes in terms of the direction of the story, but it does change a few key scenes where Rose would have otherwise been reacting to it later.
I have a few ideas for how to handle the near-sex scenes in chapter four.
1. Winter-night by the fire remains the same, but the scene starts before they spend the night in the room - at a Hearth's Warming festival where Rose, Lily, and Daisy spend some time together talking about Post Haste and their time together. Rose holds back some of what she wants, and the scene goes off as it does currently at the Hearts and Hooves festival (not shown in the new version).
2. The same things get shown later, after the festival, in a more private setting, as Rose and Post trek out into the depths of the white-tail woods to visit one of the many pockets of unique magic in the world, this pocket a place where a special rose grows, and only there does it grow. The trek is when they spend time together more. This would, then, have happened in the same timeline, just a different part of their lives instead of the one that I actually showed in the original.
Finally, an announcement of an upcoming side-story.
Some of you may have seen this in chat, or as test-readers for the first 8 chapters I've written up to second draft level. Some of you already know this is a side-story. It stars a character who did not appear in the story at all. And another who did.
Bright Eyes—aka Derpy Hooves, aka Ditzy Do—appeared in Ghost as a supporting character in a few scenes, and as a background character in a couple others—sometimes only by reference. In this story, one of two romances, she is a more main character. She will have a point of view, and she will play a large part in the story as the star of the second romance plot. It is a sub-plot of the main story, but will be included and play a part throughout.
Lyra Heartstrings is the main character, and whom the point of view stays with most often. It is her that this story is mainly about, and her journey from a place of desperation and loneliness.
Bonnie Bonnafonte is a young woman stuck in a rut. Her life has reached what appears to be an apex. Her job has reached the top of what she can achieve with her education, and her dreams of attending a culinary school and opening her own business as a confectionary seem to be continuously out of reach. Less important to her is her love life, but it, too has been dropped by the wayside. She's not exactly content, but she's going to wait for an opportunity.
The reason this story is a side-story to Ghost is that it happens in the span of time before Rose's accident, and after Raspberry's birth. Events will be referenced, and the characters from Ghost will even show up. Even Raspberry will appear in later chapters, as will Post, and possibly even Rose.
So, that's it for now. Well, except for the second draft quality sneak preview scene in the first chapter. This is not it's final form, and it is a bit rough compared to my final works, but I thought I'd share it anyway to give you a taste of Lyra and Bright Eyes interacting.
“So…” Bright Eyes said around a mouthful of walnut pancakes, her bright golden eyes drifting down to Lyra’s already empty plate. “Who’s the lucky pony?”
“Who said I was with anyone?” Lyra said, paying particular attention to the taste of the syrup staining her lips, and eying the pitcher of apple juice on the counter. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re nervous hungry.” Bright closed one eye and looked pointedly at the squeaky clean plate. “You never clean your plate unless you’re going on a date.”
“I do, too! I cleaned it…” Lyra trailed off for long enough to come up with a plausible lie. “I cleaned it two nights ago! At, uh, Dasily Days!”
“Liar.” Bright rolled her eyes. “You ate here two nights ago. Besides, that’s a restaurant you only go to when you go on dates,” she said, a smug smile creasing her lips. “Admit it, you’re going on a date.”
“I am not going on a date. I am going to spend time with somepony whom I happened to make acquaintance of through—” she halted before the betraying words left her mouth.
“Yes?”
“The Love Wire,” Lyra finished, dropping her cheek to the table. The admission felt lame even to her. Only desperate ponies tried the Love Wire.
Well, aren’t you? The quiet voice asked.
Hush, you! She shook herself. “Okay, so maybe it’s a date, but I don’t even know the mare! She’s coming in from Cloudsdale.”
“Mares again, huh?” Bright quirked an eyebrow again, both eyes opening. One drifted across Lyra’s face, attempting to pry free the secrets hidden within.
Lyra always got the impression that Bright’s roving eyes saw more than she let on. “Well… that stallion last time just kinda… I dunno. He seemed to like me well enough at first, but we drifted apart after the play started.”
You were trying too hard.
“And then… he just—” Lyra shook her head, stamping a hoof against the floor.
Lyra could almost hear the smirk in a familiar voice. One she hated. He fled. In hindsight, perhaps cracking jokes in the middle of a play about Sombra wasn’t the brightest thing you’ve ever done.
Shut it, Debonair.
“You know, I know a few mares around town. I did set up Applejack and Goldie, after all. I’ve also matched up mares and stallions. Remember Rose and Post?” She grinned.
“Yes, I—” Lyra’s mouth clicked shut. “No! It’s weird, having you this interested in my love life. You’re family!”
“Barely,” Bright said, clucking her tongue. “But if you don’t want me to hook you up with somepony I think would be a nice match…” Bright’s wings slumped against her flanks at Lyra’s look. “I have a good track record! I would totally—”
“Bright, stop! It’s like having a little sister who wants to know all about kissing. It’s weird.”
Listen to her. She’s not your sister, and you need to stop—
Lyra quashed the voice and rolled her eyes, annoyed.
“Well… I did ask you about kissing, though. Remember? As I recall…” Bright said, a smirk growing on her lips. “You weren’t a very good instructor.”
“S-shut up.” Lyra’s cheeks heated as a brief memory of a little filly puckering her lips with her eyes closed passed through her mind. “I was ten. What did you expect?”
Bright Eyes chortled, not even looking abashed. “Look, I’m willing to look past our family ties to help you.” She flourished a wing as if to brush off their distant relation. “I know it’s not been easy for you for these last few months, but you need to try something else if you’re going to keep going.”
“I am trying something else.” Lyra said, lifting the juice carafe and pouring another glass full of apple juice.
“Lyra, trying to find love via anonymous telegram isn’t the way to happiness. Look, I know this unicorn down at the post office, Sharp Quill. She’s the sweetest, if a little rigid about regulations. And she likes music.”
Lyra grunted, taking a sip from her glass.
“And she’s a good kisser.”
Juice sputtered over the table and Lyra coughed and wheezed. “Ugh! Please tell me that’s not from experience!” When Bright only smiled and puckered her lips, Lyra made a gagging sound. “It’s like listening to mom talk about dad… like that.” Lyra shuddered. “It’s weird, and I’d rather drink my juice in peace.”
She has nice lips.
Lyra almost choked on her juice again. Shut up, you! Cousin, remember!
Second cousin, the quiet voice said. But also your best friend. Let her help you.
Lyra’s mouth worked for a moment, but no sound came out. Bright waited, her golden eye locked on her while the amber one drifted. “Look…” she said after a long moment. “I-if this doesn’t work out…”
Bright’s arched brow suggested “When this doesn’t work out,” would be more appropriate, but she didn’t say anything.
Lyra forged on. “I’ll listen. Just… please. Let me do this my way. For now.”
“Okay.” Both of Bright’s eyes focused on Lyra briefly. “For now.”
“Heh. Thanks, I guess.”
“I want you to be happy, Lyra.” Bright reached a hoof over the table to touch Lyra’s shoulder. “You’ve tried with so many ponies. Maybe you should take a break?”
“Break from what? This is the first real date I’ve been on.” She set the glass back down. “All the others… was just me trying to make a friendship more than just a friendship.” With a shrug, she started tipping the glass back and forth, watching the golden juice slosh higher and higher.
“If trying to make a friend more than a friend isn’t dating, I don’t know what is.” Bright came around the table and curled a wing over Lyra’s back. “I’m worried for you.”
“Don’t be. I’m starting new. Like I said. First date.” She set the glass back flat on the table and watched the juice settle back to a still surface before bringing it up and taking a drink again.
“I don’t think that’s healthy. You need t-to…” Bright sighed. “Cancel the date. Stay in tonight. I’ll cook something special for you, okay? We’ll call it a date, if you want.” Bright nipped at Lyra’s cheek when she made a face. “You need to relax.” The wing over Lyra’s back tightened. “You’re already so tense, Lyra. What if this doesn’t go well? What if…” Bright shook her head. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
It was tempting. Let go of desperation and let her help.
Go on a date with her. She’s asking you.
Lyra grimaced and drained the glass. She shook her head, finally, and looked up at Bright Eyes. “I don’t know. I think I have a real chance here. Let me try this, okay? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll try something else.”
Bright’s wing left her back. She nuzzled the side of Lyra’s neck. “I need to go. Good luck on your ‘first’ date.”
Please don't rewrite your story to fulfill the requirements of EqD. They're a bunch of self-important, artless, tasteless morons and your story is far better than what they want to display on their site. Don't lower it's quality, simplify it's language, or modify it's beauty in any way just because of a group of pompous circlejerking idiots.
2862189
To be honest, one of the reasons I've been dragging my feet on planning an update was for a part of this reason. I like this story as is. I did take the opportunity to shore up a couple places where the reasoning felt out of character or skewed off base, but I think I will leave it as is otherwise.