The Charge of the Hairnet Brigade

So, right now I bet most of you are still wondering "Hey, what the hell happened to that one Flash Sentry story that updated occasionally?"

It's coming. Still. Really, I've been the most distracted sonofabitch on the internet lately. Some of you who reads the author's notes may know that I've employed at a Wally World deli for the last three months, and that it's my usual excuse to not be stationed at a Google Document lately. Well, now there's been a development. I'm quitting that job. I'll not go into the details as of why, because that would take up a huge chunk of blogpost. I could literally complain about my job for hours. That would be a wall of text that could've given the Berlin wall an inferiority complex.

So, instead of whining, I'll regale you with the tale of my fist could of days at work.

>4chan style
Trigger warning: I use big boy words
Dramatized version of actual events, do not attempt

>be Wolfram
>he's kind of just like you, only not a cuckold
>also 18 and a poorfag living with his parents, has like four hundred dollars to his name at most
>sucking up food and power like a money sponge
>parents be like "Go get a job you lazy cockmeat sandwitch!"
>'kay
>go online and fill out applications
>mosty minimum wage part time shit
>I was a picky motherfucker, didn't wanna go do fast food like all the other zitfaced teens that I graduated with
>get a call from WalMart aka Wally World
>"Come to dis intahview, niggah. We might got some shit for you ta deau."
>groovy.jpg
>Get cleaned up and dress in my finest Pink Floyd tee and jeans
>only the best for job interviews!
>get there fifteen minutes early
>there were a few more people in the waiting area for interviews
>jumping jesus on a pogo stick, never in my life have I seen so many tattoos and piercings in one place
>fuck, I overdressed
>long blog short, I nailed the interview
>muh personality
>fast forward a week, and I'm all bright eyed and bushy tailed and all that bullshit, ready for my first day at work
>Got my boring-ass uniform on, got my ass clocked in for the first time, got my nametag on my shirt
>before you ask, nametag didn't fucking say "Wolfram and Hart" on it. My power level isn't that high
>Get to deli area
>ask lady at the counter where I start
>lady be like "This is the bakery you analwhore, deli is over there >>>>"
>literally five feet away, not even separated by a wall
>"A'ight."
>I get there and see the peeps that are gonna be my new co-workers
>fucking three old ladies and a middle aged dude
>two hours of sexual harassment training videos wasted
>put on a hairnet, put on an apron, put on some rubber gloves, look like a responsible adult
>loljk I still looked like a total weeb
>I get working and it ain't no thang
>making sammitches and cutting sammitch meat for people
>do it again and again for a few hours
>nobigdeal.png
>sometimes it's pretty annoying
>people want shit you ain't had in three years, people order like four pounds of shaved meat with a long-ass line behind 'em, people just can't decide what in the nine levels of hell they want, ect ect
>sometimes they think we the bakery, trying to order cakes and shit
>"Do I look like a godam Keebler elf to you?"
>hell naw
>an hour passes
>customer comes up to me like "Uhhm, I don't know if this is, like, your problem or anthing but...?"
>"What'chu need bitch?"
>she leads me to that glass case they keep the doughnuts in
>some cum-guzzling niggerjew took a bite out of one of the jelly ones and put it back
>im_beyond_mad.gif
>clean that up, lose faith in human race
>...
>staring at food all day, feeling hungry
>then I went to lunch
>this is where the excrement hit the motorized rotating blades
>my first mistake was going to subway
>fucking never again will I eat there
>ordered a 12-inch ham n' cheese
>it was a BIG old twelve inch like my... vinyl record
>eat it
>spend rest of lunch hour on /mlp/
>go back to work
>feeling bloated
>you know the "Oh fuck I ate too much and I'm gonna asploooode" feeling right?
>waddling so much I looked like a penguin
>get back to work
>walking around and moving shit
>the penguin feels only intensified
>fucking Morgan Freeman started narrating everything I did
>then I feel... it
>that bubbling feel that starts at the pit of your stomach and moves to the back of your throat
>"Shit nigga, you gonna be okay?" one old lady asks
>"Yeah, I'm totes fine." I lie.
>feels like someone mixed diet coke and mentos in my innards
>"Uurrrp"
>I stop for a breather, thinking it might go away
>then I looked at the food
>fucking never look at food when you're trying not to spew
> y'know what's worse than that? SMELLING food
>old bitch drops a basket of motzo stick in the fryer
>you could fucking smell it up in Canada
>I loved cheese sticks like a junkie loves crack
>but not that day
>"Ohgod ohgod I-*hurk* I think I'm gonna, I'm-"
>spaghetti everywhere
>no wait, it wasn't spaghetti
>you fucking know what it was
>"Eat Fresh" my bony ass
>I ended up cleaning it up off the floor for an hour
>other workers were champs about it
>didn't lose my job
>feelsgood.jpg
>go home, play vidya, go to bed, never mention it ever again
>like ever
>I will hide that secret better than I hide my fetish clop stash
>but now, you faggots know
>I just shared something intimate with you
>have a nice fucking day
>pic unrelated

And, as a reward for reading all of my autism, you guys can have a sneek peek at the next chapter.

"Why would a dragon have a problem with-?" Then it hit him like a sack of potatoes. Flash's face flushed a few shades redder than he intended it to. "O-oh. Oh my. Um, wow, I didn't even know that was possible."

"Theoretically, yes it is." Cotton said. “The anatomy is, uh, let’s just say ”compatible,” but there are no medically recorded cases of any male pony having interc-”

Blueblood gritted his teeth. "I didn't sleep with a dragon!"

Several sailors stopped dead in their tracks to give the prince an odd look, then tentatively went on their way.

~Adios

Comments

[zyr1987]

You're the most distracted sunofabitch on the net? I thought that was me...

(Note to self, get back to writing "Flipped")

[D48]

Some of you who reads the author's notes may know that I've employed at a Wally World deli for the last three months, and that it's my usual excuse to not be stationed at a Google Document lately. Well, now there's been a development. I'm quitting that job. I'll not go into the details as of why, because that would take up a huge chunk of blogpost. I could literally complain about my job for hours. That would be a wall of text that could've given the Berlin wall an inferiority complex.

So, typical Walmart employment then.

[Dick McKickEm]

2752861 Aye, pretty much.