Is 'A New Conflict' a mess? · 6:18am Dec 1st, 2014
Hello and welcome my faithful viewers.
I....I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with this, but...I've been having my doubts of "A New Conflict". Don't get me wrong, I love writing for this story. It's great and I love the characters dearly. It's just that....I feel like it's flawed. Like I haven't fleshed out the characters well enough, or left out a ton of things I originally wanted to add. Not to mention the huge cast I have to focus on. As well, I have to catch up to the main story and...Argh,...yeah,
A part of me thinks that I may have bitten something too large off this time. I mean, I'm working on three other stories and college (not to mention eight hour shifts at work). A lot is on my plate and I think it effected this story real bad.
I apologize for it. I wanted this story to be epic...maybe too epic for my own good. I mean, originally, it was not going to be this dark. Heck, that's why I made Sev in the first place. He was a character I had in mind for quite some time. (I originally wanted to use him for a 'pokemon in Equestria fic' idea that I never fleshed out and threw to the side since I didn't want to bog myself down...yeah.)
I'm going to repeat this: I think Commander Sev is one of my all time favorite characters to write. If I had to choose my favorite character out of each of my main stories, Sev would be this one. I think I did him well, much better than anyone else in 'A New Conflict;. Still, I'm not sure if it saves it.
What are your thoughts?
I think your characterization is fine, I love Sev, he's prolly one of my fav 'New World' characters. There are things that I think took the story a little far though. Like Loom wanting to invent guns? Yeah... I'd ditch that idea.
It's not quite as dark as 'A New Ribbon' but I think that all the New World stories have their moments... except mine for some reason. Seth has had a relatively peaceful life compared to literally everyone else.
My recommendation, rescue Lia, let there be bloodshed and then go back to crazy humor. That might work.
2626215 Really? Where was your bloodshed? I don't think that simply being arrested was a big enough punishment for Control, and it shouldn't be for these slavers in New Conflict either. They all deserve something like a few days in Tsukuyomi so they can see what it's like to live a life of pain and have no power to do anything about it.
Note: I agree with Ausbrony for the rest.
2626228 Canterlot is quite different from Zebrica and you haven't seen the full extent of Control's punishment yet...
2626232 Wow, you're quick aren't you?
I would like to point something (taking advantage of this topic) out:
I don't see the point of giving dark and tragic atmospheres to all stories. I mean, it does makes sense back on Earth (Pokémon) since is the whole reason why the story starts (With Arceus leaving because of it) but I don't see why Equss have to be the same.
I won't deny I have written some dark stuff as well (But I think is safe to say mine isn't as brooding dark as some of the stories) but whenever I have or may do it again, is mostly during memory segments back on earth and would like to keep it that way. Since the whole idea of this series is to make a brand new and better start, not bring Earth anew to Equss.
I may sound like mindless rambling (Sorry BTW Evo) but this is a subject which has been rolling over my head for quite some time.
As for your story Evo, I think it goes fine (maybe a bit too dark whenever Thirst is involved, but aside of that). Yes there is war, and death and slavery. But truth be told, you have reasons behind them, they don't just ‘are’ as in some cases.
The world in the original MLP has pointed out many times that things like war and violence did existed once in Equestria, but that the Ponies are now somewhat more advanced on their own sociological structure that these things are nothing more than myths and legends. There is where your story shines, as I said, you aren't just bringing dark stuff just for the sake of shock value, but rather because of the circumstances: The land isn't Equestria for starters, plus how outdated most of the general thinking its thus making the whole civil war more believable. Also, the Hyena Dogs are a brilliant way to portray this even further, as they clearly show to be barbaric in nature with their own dash of originality and even comedy, but not just evil for the sake of ‘I need some cannon folder’ thus making them more believable as just a rather aggressive tribe than just some evil monsters. Thirst been the only exception so far but I guess more will be known as she appears more often.
What I am trying to say is that you should just let the story keep going, don't rush things up and keep a good and analytical at your tipping. This may be Zeus' word (Which I love BTW!) but this is your story.
That is all.
ATT: V-Oblivion.
PS: I have a similar schedule so I know what you are going through.
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Well yeah, circumstances. If I had Sev and his crew land in Equestria, the darkest I think I could go would be some corrupt ponies (maybe akin to Vincent's story's own villains, but my own take) and some monsters....And even then, it's not exactly 'dark'. That's canon Equestria. Yeah, you have monsters, but those are only a sometimes problem that doesn't last long.
That story would probably be the comedy, nonsensical story this originally was, before I decided to try and 'spice' it up...Perhaps I went a bit over the top, but that's just how I roll.
2626215
Bloodshed is coming and as you already know, Lia is just as lively as ever (not to mention adorable) at the summit meeting.
2626696 I only hope for this story to keep being awesome (and over the top if possible).
But even when I have no power of your writing abilities whatsoever, I hope there is not much of a bloodshet when Lia is rescued. I know the Zebras need a reason to get against Sev though so I don't think such hope will be answered.
Nevertheless, you have a great writing and a awesome character development, I think even a bloodshet will look awesome if is writen by you.
As I said in my review, (and boy, I'm alittle apologetic if you took it straight to heart. I'll acknowledge that I was harsh.) I really, really liked the characters; especially Sev.
I complimented how you built him up for a reason, after all.
Try to focus on what you can do, and make sure that you enjoy telling the story. Right? People like others who keep getting up when they fall, and even minor tumbles can help build up legends. And I'm still going to keep watching the story for updates.
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Which will be soon. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak and I have nothing planned for tomorrow. (My first 'free' day in months!) So, either tonight, tomorrow, or the latest, Wednesday.