Binge Eating - Update 3 - Weigh-in, Possible New Strategy · 9:32am Nov 9th, 2014
So this morning I decided, by some inconceivably dumb impulse, to weigh myself.
10 stone fucking 7 lbs. (or if you'd prefer, 147 lbs)
FUCK. EVERYTHING.
Some people may say "that doesn't sound bad!". Well... it is bad. It's a good 20+lbs heavier than my ideal weight, is the heaviest I've been for nearly 2 years, and frankly I look and feel terrible. There's nothing NEW that's happened since my last update - absolutely zero progress, as expected, and I'm only sinking further down into the slow yet steadfast claws of death. I need to find a way out of this cycle of endless grief and unhappiness, slim back down to my figure circa last year, and return to normal eating procedures all without letting anybody in the family become privy to it. I only wish it was easy enough to find a solution and stick to it...
That being said, there is a faint, almost indecipherable glimmer of optimism afoot. Starting today, I intend to follow through with a plan I've come up with which may hopefully help limit any binging habits and allow my body to cope better with regular eating patterns again, provided it actually works. Here's the skinny -
* Ensure that I only have meals at their proper times (basically what I've been doing is having breakfast & lunch at the same time to ensure I don't have to eat later in the day. This actually worked quite well to start off with but it's also lead to numerous cases of me having to feign having meals to satiate the family's suspicions, so there's a lot of wasted food involved, and naturally the binging has kinda spiralled out of control due to this pattern)
* Limit any impulses I have to binge - so if I do feel like chocolate all of a sudden, instead of like... 3 mini packs and a box of chocolates (yes it really was that bad at an earlier stage), only have 1 smaller pack, and eventually simmer it down to none at all)
* Mentally reprimand myself if I fail to stick to either goal (trying to rekindle the mental strength I had around last year when I could essentially shirk off any food cravings effortlessly)
Given everything I've already tried, I don't see this approach working in the slightest, mostly due to the 3rd step. But it's better to have tried it than to forever remain a prisoner to my pathetic sudden bodily cravings. Obviously, smaller portions will factor into all steps on the whole too.
... Why did I have to devolve myself into such a desperate, pathetic, mentally unsound blob?
Well, glad to see you've come up with a new strategy.