Binge Eating Update 4 - Fuck Everything

I'm fucking done. Don't know how much more of this mental lethargy and self-pity I can take, and I'm descending into worse extremities regarding this fucking pathetic binge eating disorder every single day. It's destroying everything I have, my body, my academic performance, my potential future aspirations, my interest in daily activities, my social interactions, my... everything really...

I've fucking had ENOUGH. I'm not going to commit suicide, no, oh fuck no that would be the fool's way out. Instead, I'm forcing myself to commit towards desperate measures (moreso than before) - I'm seeing a professional on campus about this. I know, I damn well know - I'm weak-willed, a nobody, and should have the mental capacity to deal with this myself. Heard it all before, and frankly, that's what I thought and re-iterated myself too. Until I found myself relapsing into my habits constantly, like a continual cycle of self-destruction which only results in one end - a bitter, unhappy death.Food is the drug which nobody seems to take for granted. And frankly I'm beyond sick of how it's eating away at everything pertaining to myself, so due to the recommendation from multiple friends of mine, I'm going to try and seek professional analysis before I end up a complete life failure (moreso than I already am). I pray to the lord above that the psychologist/counselor in question actually sticks to the damn confidentiality clauses they lay out, as if they don't I'll never ever forgive them, let alone delegate an iota of trust to them ever again.

I should NOT have been resorted to such a pitiable state of body & mind to have to seek psychological help, I really really shouldn't be this pathetic of a person. But it seems I am, and I have to break out of this mental barrier of food and my weight overriding every last thought of mine, preferably as quickly as possible. I can't afford it to be slow since I have a university degree on the fucking line, and hell, maybe I've already doomed myself. But a tiny bit of optimism never hurts anyone, right? Right?

I probably should have taken a gap year or something while I'm ahead to nip this retarded mental deficiency in the bud before it overcame me, but it's too late now and I'm suffering the consequences of my actions justily. That, and if I did take a gap year my eating disorder'd 110% be caught with my pants down by the family, and god knows how they'd react...

On the plus side, Smash Bros. Wii U remixes have started to come out, and holy crap they're AMAZING. The remix for one of my particular favourite tracks of all time, Destroyed Skyworld from Kid Icarus Uprising, got posted up a few hours ago, and while it initially caught me way off guard since the composer pretty much reversed the order the song normally goes, I love the faux-angelic vocals she added to the theme, and the arrangement itself is superb, if not quite as imposing as the original. Reminds me of a Final Fantasy boss theme almost, and the desperate yet beautiful melody resonates with me just as much as the original does. Absolutely fantastic theme! But don't take my word for how great it is - have a listen for yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hmzIlGMk_s&list=PLkDbv2Hy83b064s4OcYEUzeFAJGY3qgyN&index=61