Golden Oaks Book Club mini-review #3: Princess Celestia Gets Mugged (spoiler warning) · 2:33am Nov 7th, 2014
Story three of the Golden Oaks Book Club had us pick up an older story by an author with site longevity, so I was interested to see what he could come out with before he became the powerhouse he is today. A bit of comedy? Sure, why not? Here is my review of Princess Celestia Get Mugged!
Author: BronyWriter
Synopsis:
Princess Celestia, tired of the constant pressure that ruling a nation puts on her, decides to take a day off and let Luna take her responsibilities for a day, something the younger alicorn is more than happy to do. She disguises herself as a pink maned pegasus pony named Sunny Skies and decides to go walking around Canterlot without any supervision. Unfortunately for her, not all parts of Canterlot are as safe as the palace, and she finds herself at the wrong end of a gang of muggers, who decide to kidnap her for a ransom when they see how much money she has on her.
Luna freaks out.
Celestia thinks it's hilarious.
Current Length: 19,006 words over 9 chapters, averaging 2112 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: This is one of the higher rated stories on the site, but now that I've read it, I have to say I'm honestly unsure as to why exactly. The premise itself is definitely enticing and attention-grabbing by itself, and while it does generate its fair share of amusement, it never really did much for me in the "Oh-God-my-sides!" department.
Celestia desires a day off from the mundanity of dealing with petty, flippant nobles who only seem to give a rat's arse about themselves, which is totally fair enough; I mean, not having a day off in over a millennium would surely drive any lesser being completely insane. I personally know what it's like to work literally every day, and so I can understand the desire for a day off. What I find odd is that Luna was also planning to have a day off when Celestia came to her with her woes, and while I commend Luna for being an amazing sister and forfeiting her own time off, is there any reason why she couldn't have had her time off, then organised for the next day or the day after to replace Celestia on the throne in court?
So then we get to the actual kidnapping. Celestia has donned her disguise and decided it might be amusing to let herself be abducted. It is a funny concept, and it does serve to bring some smiles, but I didn't really feel the comedy vibe. I think the story would be more appropriately tagged as Slice of Life alone, without the comedy tag.
The multi-colour-codenamed crooks seemed a few tacos short of a fiesta, if you catch my drift. They really weren't that intelligent at all. If they were serious about holding Sunny hostage, they shouldn't have entertained a single of her whims or suggestions, even if their intent was not pure malice.
That's something else I find odd about the story: I think the criminals really lucked the hell out by kidnapping Celestia. If they had kidnapped anyone else, anyone at all, they might have gotten a successful ransom (or not, depending on the Royal Guard's efficiency and if they were made aware of the situation [again, chalk that up to the overall {lack of} intelligence on the kidnappers' parts]), which might have led them to do it again. The kidnapping itself was just so random; they were happy to take the first pony that crossed their paths.
So, Celestia makes the observation that they're a little down on their luck, perhaps in hard times for an unknown duration prior... so why not just rescind the disguise then and there, scare the hell out of them, help them, and let that be that? I understand that the rest of the story could not have happened, however I'm not entirely sure I'd have found myself wanting an expansion anyway. I can probably blame this on having read (and thoroughly enjoyed) a much shorter story, same basic principle, but far more entertaining: Ransom For a Pretty Pink Princess, by Mysterious Stranger. To everyone reading this review, I do actively recommend you check it out. It's only short, but immensely satisfying.
This is just speculation of course, but I feel like the situation was purposely dumbed down in an attempt to enhance the humour. I might have enjoyed it more if the kidnappers had been serious, had been intelligent and methodical, and yet still effectively trolled and defeated by Celestia, but instead she has them wrapped around her hoof the entire time, realising from the beginning of her "imprisonment" that the situation will be a piece of cake to manipulate. Which I suppose was the overall point of the story, but eh.
The nobility, though: come on, guys. Did you really think that word of your rude behaviour toward Luna would not reach Celestia eventually? Why can you not accept that Luna is a Princess as well and treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves? I really didn't like that chapter. It felt like it served literally no purpose but to irritate Luna and draw some cheap laughs at her overreactions.
What did do it for me though was when Luna revealed the true reason for her anger at Celestia's thoughtless, selfish joke: she was scared, worried that if someone like Celestia could be held hostage, then what potential for power and evil must the kidnappers possess? A very good issue to address, and it is nailed well. Great character interaction there, with Luna's issue being well-founded, and Celestia admitting her mistake. Good job.
Overall, I don't regret reading the story (for what it was, it did cause me to smile a few times), although I do think Ransom for a Pretty Pink Princess is a better story in the "abducted-trolls-abductors" archetype of story.
Oh, and there were a few grammar and stylistic issues as well. Not many, but they were still very obviously present. I think the story was incredibly lucky to be accepted to EqD, just saying.
5.5/10
I do agree with that, even if I never read the Pretty Pink Pony Princess. It was just so jarring it knocked me for a loop :P
That was one of the saving points of the story. Though I can't overlook the fact only a few chapters ago, Luna was enjoying the services of the kidnapper masseur despite supposedly being concerned about her sister.
Fair review overall, less negative than my own, but fair and well reasoned.
I like to think that crime is so rare in Equestria that the criminals have no clue how to do it. Like, they are decent ponies driven to a life of crime and all they have to go on is a cheesy action-adventure story one of them read once.
2579506
Huh. That actually kinda makes sense. I'll buy it.
2579506 That's pretty much how I took it. These ponies weren't so much 'stupid' as, just to goodhearted, to nice, to absolutely with no idea how to be 'evil' or even to act like criminals, that they were totally in over their heads. Treating her more like a guest then a hostage and all that.
To me that was one of the strengths of the story. That the ponies weren't bad, weren't evil, just desperate. And yet still to nice and kind and, well ponies to actually do anything that 'wrong'. And Tia, yeah she fucked with them a bit, but that was mostly along the reason she took the day off in the first place. She was bored. This was likely the most exciting thing to happen to her in centuries that wasn't also some massive threat. Or that didn't put any pony in danger. She was just having a blast messing with them. But never being to cruel, never doing anything that would hurt them. Just, go along with their plan. And chuckle at how bad they were at it, since she could see they were bad, simply because none of them were ponies that could really do something like this.
And how she helps them in the end, yeah it was just a great story overall for me.