Taking The Advice From EQD's Rejection Letter · 12:53am Oct 10th, 2014
I sent in Emergence to EQD and it was marked as inappropriate for posting. I'm neither disappointed, nor surprised, I was expecting this.
Though I'm not glad it got rejected, I'm glad about what I got back as a result.
Essentially what they said was that it felt a bit rushed with descriptions and with comfort for violence. The rules that allowed stories with the same and more violence (particularly early on) have changed.
Aside from the usual faff about prereaders no longer providing specific feedback to most submissions, they did actually give me a little bit of specific feedback.
Although I'm not very far into the story, I'll still spoiler the parts about specific scenes for new readers who might see this:
Aside the normal form letter, I'm going to note that this is a good start, but the reason I am flagging it as inappropriate for posting is partly because your pacing seems a bit rushed, partly because you have a knack for forgetting integral descriptions, especially for ponies, and partly due to comfort levels about violence (especially the brief torture scene in chapter 1). I imagine you have much of this scripted out, and would be loathe to change such a detail, but it is something that we have a problem with putting into a post (and I am fully aware the contradiction of the other FoE stories that have, but those were grandfathered in before the new rules went into effect). I will note that a pacing issue that really struck me when Knickknack so quickly recovered mentally after his rescue from the raiders. One does not just pick up and move on, that would leave some serious mental scars. Regardless, keep plugging away, and I would suggest you re-submit this for the Equestria Daily: Fallout Equestria omnibus.
- Pre-reader <nAme reDacTed>
Firstly, there appeared to be a misinterpretation about the scene that should have scarred him. Because it was a dream and he was never actually 'rescued', just taken to the hospital when the fighting ended.. I'm not sure what to do with that. I really like the scene, and I know some others do, too.
-I could remove it, which wouldn't ruin the story, but would still kinda suck.
-I could edit it, probably reducing its effects. Also, make sure I clear up the misunderstanding as much as possible.
-I could leave it and just not bother with EQD, but still clear up the misunderstanding in it.
Secondly, and probably more importantly, I need help with the descriptions. While I can certainly think up descriptions for things and ponies (not that I wouldn't appreciate advice to get better at it) , I'm not entirely confident on the pacing, what things I should prioritise etc.
I think I need either someone who can preread specifically to tell me when and how to describe certain things, or some kind of chart of a pony that has parts sectioned (snout, eyes, cutiemark, clothing etc.) as a reminder of what things I can describe. That wouldn't help for buildings and towns, though.
If anybody can help out or point me in the right direction, do let me know.
Anyway, onto improvement!
-TheImmolatedPoet
I wonder if <name redacted> is the prereader's name ... or if his name was really redacted.
Because that was the same guy who rejected me too.
I think at this point, he was just looking for things to nitpick at.
2522391 If figured it's his username, because of the odd capitals in "<nAme reDacTed>".
It would have been a valid point had he been actually tortured, and I think he must have brushed over that part without realising it was a dream.
It's also strange how he said that scene was so bad, when the actual torture is only implied, whereas parts like in the prologue talked about things like blasted out eyesockets.
2522418
When I heard from that guy, he mentioned to me that the reviewers there are discriminatory towards FO:E stories. He probably didn't like the story from the start because it was FO:E; that's why he just brushed it off and didn't read into that much (even I got what it was supposed to be even before you edited it) ... but that's just me being a cynical asshole.
FO:E sidefics are like pitbulls; a lot of people hate them but in the end they're actually quite nice. If this is the only guy willing to review FO:E sidefics, it just goes to show how much(little) EQD likes FO:E.
Don't change your story for EQD. I've had an e-mail exchange with Seth that told me straight-up they aren't taking FoE stories.
2558988 Discussing with people after this, I've decided to take the advice they gave to improve the story in general, but not change the things they deemed outside of their rules.