Many minor problems fixed

As many of you have pointed out, I used the term "faux filly" a few too many times in the first half of the story (one person actually counted 24 times in one chapter ) I went through the entire story, and removed all but two or three of them, so things should be good now. Also, back when I first started writing fanfics, I didn't know that when writing questions that are followed by a pronoun should look like "?" Blank asked, instead of "," Blank asked. I went through and got rid of those commas, and added the question marks in their place. I also found a few spelling errors and missing words that I needed to fix. So, yeah, I think things should be good now.

Comments

[Twilight-the-Pony]

I didn't know that when writing questions that are followed by a pronoun should look like "?" Blank asked, instead of "," Blank asked.

Yup. One of the tricks in prose. But here are many more catches when combining action with dialogues. For instance something like this:

“Your attention please,” came a voice over a loud speaker, “We will be arriving

The second comma should also be a period, since the dialogue and first action are independent sentences to the second dialogue.

Another tip: If possible, avoid doing things like this:

"Did I just asked a question?" Twilight asked.

Because here's a thing: The dialogue itself already points out that this is a question. If you have a ping-pong between two characters, you don't need to emphasize these actions. If the character is doing nothing else than saying something, you can basically omit <x> <y>. For instance:

"It's true," Twily said.

"It's not," Shining Armour replied.

"But it is. It's mathematically proven that it is so."

Shining Armour sighed. "Twily..."

Twily put hooves on her ears, closed her eyes, and turned away from her brother. "Is, is, is, is, is!"

"Now you're just being silly."

See?

Also:

“Sounds good, Twily,”

Dialogues shouldn't end with commas.

~Twi