Kemosabe, or Why you shouldn't write while under the influence of a cold medicine overdose. · 1:07am May 24th, 2014
Someone requested that I save this here. Can't imagine why, but if you want to look over it, I shall store this on my blog for posterity's sake.
The banished chapter of The King Is Dead, Long Live The Emperor
Kemosabe
"It should be just beyond the cliff edge here..."
One thousand years, give or take a decade or so, forward, in the 'prime' timeline.
Pandinus Imperator and his twin brother, Androctonus Bicolor, were doing a little bit of scouting. Aristos weren't really supposed to scout, really, but that wasn't about to stop the two hatchlings from going out on a little adventure. It could be so boring in the swarm sometimes, so of course they'd occasionally sneak out and look for a little fun.
It was rare for the two to agree on anything: The two brothers were arch-rivals, and bickered about practically everything, since, in spite of their identical appearance, they were as different as night and day. It was sometimes joked that if Pan said the sky was blue, 'Andy' would have immediately said it was red. The fact that the two of them were identical twins, and thus both heirs to the highest seat in House Scorpion, made their rivalry all the more bitter. After all, there could be only one Lord Scorpion...
As they reached the top of the rise, both Andy and Pan's eyes widened in shock. Before them lay one of the most populous and prestigious of the city-states in the southern kingdoms, Nemea, in the middle of high summer... and it was covered in snow and ice. As the two stared in shock, they began to make out signs of movement in the city below...
His expression horrified, Pan said, "I'd heard that there was a civil war going on, but I hadn't heard anything about it being this bad..."
Nothing drew windigos quite like a war, and a civil war would lure the apparitions like flies to honey. It was why so many different races embraced a policy of peace and harmony amongst themselves, and it was why wars were so rare. Sadly, like many carnivores, the Nemeans were prone to vicious infighting amongst their own kind, in spite of, or perhaps because of, their legendarily impenetrable coats of fur.
The few residents still unfrozen in the city were desperately trying to fight off windigos. However, since the spectral beasts were immune to physical attacks, the Nemeans, the fierce, leonine residents of the realm, were having no luck, in spite of their own immunity: They could freeze just as easily as any other creature. Many of the lions were already fleeing, desperate to escape the destruction of their city, and the ruin of their proud civilization. Since the nearest settlement was miles away, through the harsh, unforgiving desert, odds were, few would make it out alive, especially with windigos chasing after them.
Looking towards his brother, Pan said, "We need to get out of here and warn the others before..."
That was as far as he got before Androctonus pushed his brother off the edge. So stunned was Pan by this betrayal that he nearly didn't get his wings open in time, and landed roughly on the sandy ground far below... right in front of a pair of windigos that had been scouting for escapees.
Andy chuckled in wicked delight, seeing his brother's plight. While a commoner might be able to strike a windigo down by burning love, an aristo could do no such thing, and instead had to expend a tremendous amount of love energy (Enough to sustain a changeling for a full year) in order to ward off the spectral foes with magic. Pan had not demonstrated even the smallest trace of magical ability since the two had been born. Even better, Pan would, at most, have enough love to sustain him for just one year, so even if he suddenly developed magical ability and defeated one, the other would surely do him in. The leader's seat of House Scorpion was as good as Andy's now...
And that was when Andy heard a ghostly neigh behind him. His head whipped around, and he was stunned to see that a windigo had somehow sneaked in behind him. The ghostly fiend made a swipe at him, and Andy lost his balance when he tried to dodge, causing him to fall off the cliff edge himself.
When he reached the ground, his landing little more graceful than Pan's had been, he was now startled to find that he was now back to back with the brother he had just betrayed, and they were both surrounded by three windigos... and like Pan, Andy had yet to demonstrate any magical ability whatsoever...
"So," Pan began, his voice oddly calm, "what odds would you place on the two of us getting out of here alive?"
Andy, his own tone clearly showing his fright, answered, "Zero."
Surprisingly, Pan chuckled, then said, "That sounds about right. Well then, there's no reason not to do this."
Andy was startled to find himself abruptly lifted off of the ground by his brother, and with no further ceremony, tossed over the heads of the circling windigos, surprising both the changeling and the windigos he had just escaped. As he regained his hooves, Andy was surprised to hear Pan shout out, "Run! Run and don't look back!"
Andy ran for it, going as fast as his little hooves could carry him, when suddenly he heard a set of startled neighs. Risking a look back, he was stunned to see that Pan had cast a spell, catching all three of the windigos with some kind of magical lasso, linked to his horn.
"Couldn't resist going after the one that tried to escape, could you? You windigos never did like a stand up fight. Too bad for you that I had an ace up my sleeve." Chuckling, Pan began moving his head back and forth, swinging the windigos around and around until they were moving in a blur around him. With a final toss of his head, Pan released them, sending them flying over the horizon. While certainly not fatal, it would keep the trio of windigos indisposed until the two changelings were well away from here.
Pan, turning towards Andy, asked, "You alright, bro?"
Andy, deeply ashamed, said, "Yeah. Thanks, bro." After a moment, he added, "I'm... I'm sorry, brother. I..." He simply couldn't find the words: He'd betrayed his own brother, and a moment later, that brother saved his life without hesitation. Andy felt like scum, perhaps even something lower than scum, something as far below scum as scum was below a changeling...
Laughing, Pan said, "You're forgiven, bro. Let's get out of here. I burned through most of my love dealing with those three stooges back here. It'd be best not to hang around for another one to come by and finish what they started..." Noticing his brother's sudden expression of growing horror, Pan asked, "What?"
Mute from shock, Andy could only point. Pan turned to see what was behind him, and saw the ultimate nightmare of any changeling...
It was massive, on a scale that words had difficulty conveying. It was as tall as the cliffside that the two changelings had recently fallen off of (A good sixty feet or more, they'd not had a chance to measure it), and just as broad at the shoulders. Its spectral upper body rippled with muscles that would have made a bodybuilder green with envy, while its lower body terminated in a ghostly tail. A crown, covered in jagged spikes and carved from ice, sat upon the abomination's head, proclaiming louder than words its identity. A creature out of the oldest legends, or perhaps it would be better to call them horror stories...
Winter, The Father Of All Windigos.
Pan turned, and screamed for his brother to run. Andy, fear paralyzing him, could not move, and could not look away as Winter released a blast of icy wind, freezing his brother solid in less than a second. The abomination then let out an exultant neigh, loud enough to make the world tremble. The hatchling did not understand what Winter's purpose for this was until it was too late: Cracks began to form in the ice surrounding his twin brother, and suddenly, the ice shattered, exploding outwards, spraying shards everywhere... many of them the blue of changeling blood.
The apparition turned towards Andy, and with a dreadful smile, simply said, "Run, coward."
Andy, finally in command of his own body again, turned and ran, screaming like the coward he was, the dread king's derisive laughter following him every step of the way.
--------------------
Hours later, he rejoined the swarm, and warned them that their target, Nemea, was now a haunt for windigos. His father, with a grave expression, asked, "Where is your brother?"
"We were attacked by windigos. Andy... Andy is dead."
Expression unchanged, his father simply said, "Unfortunate." Given that their father was a complete and utter sociopath, this was as close as the elder changeling would ever come to expressing grief or regret. He'd not even said anything when his wife had died six weeks earlier: Saying that the current Lord Scorpion had a heart of stone would insult stones the world over.
Looking towards the horizon, his father added, "We'll need to move quickly: I doubt that the windigos will hesitate to pursue us, once they've finished with Nemea. Ready yourself to move out."
Androctonus Bicolor, now Pandinus Imperator, saluted, and then turned around to go and make himself ready for departure... and found himself staring Winter right in the eyes.
"How do you know me, when I do not know you, little coward?"
----------------------
A thousand years in the past, the 'Alternate' timeline...
Andy sat up, suddenly awake, screaming in horror, the warning of trying to keep from screaming too loudly forgotten in his fright. Distantly, he heard Luna moan, saw her clutching her head out of the corner of his eye, but at that moment, his absolute terror overrode his every thought and instinct, even the persona that he had developed over the last ten years since his brother's death. He screamed until he ran out of breath, and it took all of his self-control to keep from screaming again after he inhaled. Panting, Andy tried desperately to regain his composure...
No, Andy was dead. This was the pure and simple truth of it. The wrong brother had died at the hooves of Winter. After all, Andy had tried to murder his own brother, then ran like a coward, rather than confront his brother's true murderer...
And worst of all, it had all been for naught, since Andy's birth defects, flaws that the real Pan had lacked, meant that he would never have held the title of Lord Scorpion, even if he'd succeeded in his crime. In spite of being the inferior model, Andy had decided, after his brother's death, he would endeavor to live as his brother would have: He would take his brother's name, and do everything that his brother would have done in his place. As 'Pan' would be brave, generous, kind, and honorable, a changeling above all other changelings...
Even if, in truth, Andy was a worthless scumbag and a coward who didn't deserve to live.
While he'd never been made a full-blown infiltrator, Andy had proven himself to be a skilled actor, verging on a prodigy. It really wasn't so difficult a role to fill: The two brothers were identical twins, after all, so it was really just a matter of changing a few mannerisms, and making the same decisions his brother would have made in his stead. And it had worked: Nobuggy questioned whether or not 'Pan' was Pan. For ten years, Andy had lived a lie, and would do so for the rest of his life.
So great was the effectiveness of his performance that he could even succeed in deceiving himself for moons at a time, to the point where he himself forgot that he was an imposter. However, every once in a while, something would come up that would pierce through his mask, in spite of it being a facade so masterfully maintained that even severe inebriation could not cause him to break character. However, such a breakdown was a minor problem, and one easily addressed. It was just a matter of getting back into character before anyone noticed...
Luna, now fully awake, asked, "What happened? Why were you screaming?"
Finally calm, and his 'persona' now firmly back in place, 'Pandinus Imperator' said, "It was nothing. Just a bad dream."
"Must have been a pretty bad one," Luna said, "to scream your head off like that." Looking around, suddenly confused, the princess asked, "What am I doing in your bed?"
Pan, surprised, asked, "You don't remember last night?"
Luna seemed to wrack her brain, and after a moment, began blushing furiously. After a moment, she asked, her voice tremulous, "Did we...?"
Finishing her sentence, Pan said, "Make the beast with six legs? Yes. Yes we did. Multiple times."
Luna, her expression one of horror, said, "We cannot tell Celestia about this."
Chuckling, Pan said, "Given how, um... vocal you were, I'm pretty sure that she, and the entire population of Equestria, are fully aware of what happened last night."
Her expression one of annoyance, Luna said, "I was not that loud."
"Oh please," Pan said, sarcastically, "I'm certain that they heard you on the moon."
A small smile beginning to form on her features, Luna swatted Pan with a pillow and reasserted, "I was not that loud!"
With another chuckle, Pan said, "Oh please, you were like..." With a perfect duplication of Luna's voice, the changeling proclaimed, "'This is the traditional Royal Canterlot Orgasm! It is tradition to moan using the royal 'OH!', AND TO USE THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN EXPERIENCING OUR CLIMAX!!!'"
Giggling, Luna admitted, "Okay, maybe I was a little bit too loud. But in my defense, I was pretty drunk... and you were doing a pretty good job on your end."
Grinning, Pan said, "Well, I admit, I didn't mind the noise. It's good to know I was doing things the right way: I've never actually done this before, and even if I had, I haven't exactly had centuries in which to refine my technique, and I don't exactly have an unlimited supply of stamina. Honestly, I was a bit worried that, after the third round, we weren't ever going to stop."
Rolling her eyes, Luna said, "Let's not get started on that, please. Everyone expects for an immortal to be some sort of unparallelled master of the arts of sensuality with infinite endurance, but nopony could ever possibly live up to those kinds of expectations. The fact that I'm at the same level of stamina and physical fitness I was at when I turned eighteen certainly might make for a long and energetic... experience, but it doesn't make me some sort of machine: I still get tired, hungry, or sore after a while, it just takes longer than it would for most." Giving Pan a look, Luna added, "Still, if it were not so close to sunrise, I'd be tempted to give you another round of 'exercise'. Heavens know I enjoyed myself last night. However, dawn approaches, and I'll need to lower the moon shortly."
Nodding, Pan said, "And I have a few duties of my own to take care of. But I imagine we'll both be free after sunset..."
Giving Pan a playful swat with her hoof, Luna said, "Don't go making any assumptions, your 'excellency'. You're going to have a bit more on your plate than you think. If you thought that Celestia would have you under a magnifying glass before, you've not seen anything yet: You just succeeded in deflowering her 'dear, beloved sister'. She's not going to just evaluate your role as a ruler now, but as my suitor. You've got a pretty high standard to meet before she'll give you any peace." With an eyebrow raised, she added, "And if you think that either she or I will leave before you've put a ring on me, you've got another thing coming: If Celestia did not skin you alive for it, I wouldn't hesitate to do so myself. The pride of the royalty of Equestria will not be satisfied with anything less."
A half-smile on his face, Pan asked, "So, you'd be willing to marry me?"
Luna, her tone stern, said, "Tradition demands that the one I give my virginity to be my husband." Her expression softened as she admitted, "The fact that thus far, I have found you to be a fine individual... and quite energetic in bed... may also be considerations, so yes, I suppose I have no current objections to marrying you. Still, tradition demands that either we be wed in the near future, or my sister and I take vengeance upon you for the sake of restoring my honor. So, for your sake, I hope you can measure up."
Under his mask, Androctonus feared for his life. He knew, with utter certainty, that he was now in way over his head. Death loomed on the horizon. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and mutter 'Doomed' over and over again until the end came. However, 'Pan' said, confidently, "So I just need to prove to Celestia that I'm worthy of being both an emperor and your husband, or I get thrown into the sun. That's a pretty tall order, but I've always enjoyed a challenge."
Andy seriously wished that his brother had not set such a huge example for him to live up to, sometimes...
Author's Note
It means... Wrong Brother.
...I'm glad that's getting fixed. That was a really weird chapter.
WHY? I liked this development.... I admit I was a bit confused at first, maybe hint at Andy's 'defects' before hand....
2139618
I agree, the rest of the story was really well written and interesting. Than that happened and I was sitting there like "wtf just happened!?"
Hmm...well, it was a bit jarring of a chapter to me, but I understood it well enough. It was a look at his life before all of this and some backstory. Plus explained a bit on the changeling race. It wasn't that bad to me at all, just a confusing shift. The only thing that I had to comment on in this story was that silliness about Celestia judging him more harshly and being quite upset about Luna being 'deflowered'. Primarily because a chapter ago Celestia seemed like "Oh, Luna''s going to have Sex? Eh, I'll leave her to it then." Didn't seem to bother her at all, making me wonder if Luna just has a different perception on how her sister would react. : ) Ah well, looking forward to what seeing what you have planned to replace it.
Dang, I hate when this happens.
Now I have to retcon my memories.
Oh well.
So the chapter is getting retconned? I guess that's fine, though I'll miss THE ROYAL CANTERLOT ORGASM.
That was hilarious.
2140959
Don't worry, I made sure to keep that part
I'm gonna miss this version of the chapter
2141142
I may, in the future, do a story with a similar theme.
2141149 It wouldn't be the same
Hmm
Nah I like pan as he is and not some acting brother of his.