I hate circles right now. Or is this a spiral? · 3:54pm May 14th, 2014
I'm stuck. That's all there is to it. It happens over and over again, so much so that I think that pulling out of it is just another part of the loop. I know what it'll take to get out of it, and it really is easy, but I just can't find the motivation to do anything more than stare at the wall right now. All I have to do is finish a few assignments, easy ones at that, and keep up on whatever comes next. Not to brag, but I have a higher intellect than the average person, especially for my age, so this shouldn't be a problem, but it is. Everyone else does it just fine. Somehow they are able to keep up on their work, go out for sports, maintain a strong social life, and not loose a wink of sleep. I'm barely scraping by in my classes, I only just make the team, I have no social life, and to top it off, I can't sleep at night because my mind won't stop throwing less than favorable thoughts at me. I'm able to convince myself that suicide is the wrong path easy enough, so I'm not worried about that, but I can't keep myself from having thoughts about it. And the worst part about it is that I know that, even if I can pull out of this now and find some sort of peace for a short while, I'll most likely just throw it away and fall right back into the pattern. It's happened countless times already.
I've never told anyone about this. I don't see how telling this to anyone will help me, but everyone always says that a critical step toward improvement is to talk about your feelings. Maybe their right. Either way, I'm sorry for being such a pity party.
~Z~
hey, as long as you're here on Fimfiction you have friends and a social life, and if you ever need to just let off some steam, or something like that, feel free to rant to me, I'm sure others feel the same way.
There's something in your life that's less than satisfactory. School? Just keep working until you graduate. Home life? Get a summer job and save your paychecks; you'll need as much as you can get if you want to strike out on your own. Hell, the job will help with more than just that. It really gives you a sense of accomplishment, of freedom; it'll help you find friends too, even if it's just people you hang out with at work. Have you gotten your driver's permit yet? Do you have a bike, or some kind of transportation? The ability to simply go places of your own volition really gives one that feeling of independence you might find lacking. The most important piece of advice I can give you, though, is to be true to who you are.
If you want to talk about it - about whatever's eating at you, or about nothing and everything - I'll be here. I was once where you are; with a bit of effort and the help of your friends here, I know you can make it through with time.
I know that feel, bro.
Sometimes I just can't get anything done and it feels like my whole life is falling apart. It's an awful feeling.
If I could give you a hug right now, I would.
2113757 That's my plan for school already, but I can't get a summer job, and I can't go anywhere on my own, even though I do have my driver's permit (I'm old enough to get my license at anytime). Every day, my mom makes me drive an hour with her all the way to her boyfriend's house, and I don't know anybody there, nor do I know the area. I'd rather stay with my Gramma, who only lives fifteen minutes from school in a town that I know quite well, as well as the locals, but my mom insists that she wants to spend as much time with me as possible, even though we don't anyway. And as for a job, I get shipped off to Arizona for six weeks every summer to visit my dad.
2113887 I'm not really a hug kind of a guy, but I think I'd accept yours right now. Thanks.
2113903
Gotta love that kind of thinking.
Think you could pass your driver's test? If so, there's no reason not to schedule it.
Moving for six weeks at a time might be an issue, but you can always try to get a seasonal job at an ice cream parlor or something while you're there. It's not much, but it helps.
Do you get along with your dad? Maybe he'd be able to help you with some of these things.
2113919 The thing stopping me from getting my license is the insurance that I know we'd have trouble paying for. My mom doesn't make a lot of money, and since my grades aren't really their best, it would only cost more.
I get along fine with my dad, but I don't really feel close enough to anyone in my family to talk to them about my feelings. Hay, my dad doesn't even know I'm a brony yet!
And as for the job, while I'd be fine with working at an ice cream parlor (just not Cold Stone. I don't like to sing in public), I really want to be a counselor at a summer camp.
2113935
Who knows what'll happen by the end of your stay.
Ah, gotcha. In that case, you're probably right to take advantage of the permit until you can get a job to pay for your insurance.
Well, you'll have six weeks to get there.
Have you tried calling the camps in the area, and asking your dad if he'd be willing to help you get there and back? It's worth a shot. At the very least you can try to set up some interviews for your first week there. If that doesn't work out, anything is better than nothing as long as you can find a way there.
2113946 I'll try, but I don't know of any camps in the area. Being in the middle of AZ, I don't know how many there'd be. Thanks for helping me out. It really means a lot to me. I guess talking does help. I almost feel like I've got a plan now.
2113952
Try calling your dad. Maybe he could help you do some research.
2113952 It's always good to have friends you can talk to.