Turmoil Ramblings (an apology, explination, and musings) · 4:11am Mar 31st, 2014
Okay.
So, I quit pone--that was a thing that happened. This is not me retracting that statement, but it is me apologizing, explaining, and musing about it. Rambling, in short. If you don't care and don't wish to read, then don't.
Ever since I posted that blog, I've been in a constant state of ambivalence about it. Ambivalence is not an entirely pleasant emotion, and one that I am not fond of. This in itself should clue you into the fact that I’m not truly quitting pony or FimFiction—if that was the case, my emotion would be one of nonchalance about it, because I just would not care. And I care—startlingly deeply, in fact, because today I’ve had a rock in my stomach the entire time.
So no, I guess I’m not quitting pony, but at the same time, I am. And at the same time, the things I said in that blog were true—they were words of wild emotion, and they were the most honest words I’ve ever put on this site.
Yet I must apologize for them, because they were said in a moment of rage and bitter dejectedness, and big decisions should never be made while feeling those two powerful emotions. I wince looking back over them because they sounded like a cry for attention and help—and maybe they were, which embarrasses me. But regardless, they are what they are and they were said.
Still though, like I said earlier, they were more or less accurate. For the next 16 weeks I will most likely not have a lick of internet, or time to waste on it even if I did. And I will of course not care about this at all because I’m going to be utterly and completely focused on my mission and the transition from civilian to military member.
But I do know that I will write. I know this because writing is what I was born to do, and I say it without shame or any thoughts about the statement’s over dramatization (probably because I’m a girl).
I will write, and I will write about ponies, because ponies are all I have to write about right now, and because I love ponies (even though the show has gone to hell, imo. And don’t even get me started on this ‘joining the fandom because of the fandom’ shit.)
I don’t know if 16 weeks is too long for my obsession with ponies to survive, and if it’s not, then it’s not, but if it is, then one of two things will happen; I’ll either start incorporating myself back into the fandom, or I won’t. Either way, you’ll get a ridiculous amount of fics (mostly one shots, probably, but maybe something longer, and maybe a few updates on all my unfinished pieces.)
Whether or not I simply dump them and be like, “Just stopping to drop these off. You’re welcome” or whether I stay to see how they are received, will be determined.
But yeah. This is my calmer, more rational and in-depth farewell.
Later (and I do mean that).
-hugs tightly- Please don't leave forever..too many of my favorite authors are doing that. Also please feel better..
I know that feeling, all I had was something heavy being drop down my stomach each and every time I remembered it til I couldn't take it anymore. Different situation though but the feelings the same.
Take your time and thanks for the message.