Injuring Eternity Rewrite- Extended Author's Note · 6:00pm Mar 11th, 2014
With a final word count of 45,363 words, I'm finally putting Injuring Eternity to rest. Like a mother who only pays attention to her first born and neglects her other children, I'm throwing the rewritten version into the wild and never coming back to it.
I've been writing for the fandom since February, and it's been a hell of a wild ride for someone who before February hadn't written a story in over a year. Mostly, it's been a learning experience and what better way to step back and re-evaluate than by re-writing the story that started my descent into this madness?
Actually, no, the only reason I re-wrote this is because I think it's the only fanfic I have that has a decent shot at getting into a big place like EqD. As you can see, I am still entertaining the delusional fantasy of a RariTwi story actually being featured there because damn, we need more people aboard this ship (or tiny raft, in our case).
Admittedly, I also re-wrote this fic because there were a lot of things in it that bothered me and felt could be handled better. In a few moments, I'll go into detail over what exactly changed in each chapter. I am also including links to Google Docs versions of the six original chapters so if you liked those better, or would like to compare how little I've progressed in seven months, you are free to do so.
CHAPTER 1
Chapter one was mostly style-changes and added description, with little to no plot-changes. It was a little too exposition heavy, I felt, so I took out some bits in an attempt to make it less so.
CHAPTER 2
Again, lots of new descriptions to make it flow better. I also added the little snippet of past Twi actually going up and knocking at the door during the whole Rarity drama queen moment. This was a nod to myself because that was actually something that was supposed to happen in the original version but never did. I also made a subtle change in the very end so it would work with the reveal in Chapter 6.
I also added a little nudge to an on-going fic I'm working on via the photographs Twilight looks at in Carousel Boutique. Whether this means that future story happens in the same universe as IE is up to you. Although, actually, I actually put nudges to IE in all my fics, so that's a fun easter egg you can look for in the future. This doesn't mean that all my fics happen in this universe, of course, because that would be very depressing. It's just that I really love the idea of referencing other works in my fics (similarly to how Royal Decorations has a nudge to the Bodyguard AU).
CHAPTER 3
Larger changes here. The first noticeable change is actually the train station scene. When I first wrote this, I admittedly didn't care much for the universe so I wrote this thinking of a big train station in mind with several trains and the like. It was only recently pointed out to me that Ponyville's train station only has one train and is not like a huge central station. I didn't want to take out Nutmeg and the coffee shop, so instead I just moved it around. Problem solved! I also really changed the entire introduction of the break-up speech.
Further on, the only major change I did between the RariTwi conversation was taking out the "Calm down, L'Oréal" comment Twi does after Rarity says "of course I'm worth it!". I felt it didn't fit well with the universe, but damn did it hurt to take out. In my heart, Twilight will always say that.
I also changed their initial meeting with Coco a bit because it felt very awkward to me. I added in the bit where Rarity leans on Twi and blushing ensues mostly to ease in the idea of them being comfortable with each other, as well as Rarity accepting that this is her Twilight and so later fluff wouldn't feel so out of nowhere. Also, you can never have enough fluff.
The café scene is obviously a huge nod to the movie Serendipity because I am a huge piece of fluffy trash.. I actually dragged both my poor parents to the actual coffee shop when we visited New York a few years ago. Sadly, my visit did not end up with me being the protagonist of my very own hollywood corny chic flic, but the hot chocolate was delicious, though.
CHAPTER 4
Ah, Chapter 4. The bane of my existence. I don't want to say this chapter was the only reason I decided to do the re-write, but it was a huge factor because damn, I hated it. The worst part is that I couldn't pin-point what about it I hated, until I realized that the transition between intense fight to suddenly seductress Rarity was what really bothered me. Again, it felt out of nowhere and it felt like it was written just for the sake of having Rarity be all pseudo-seductress. Fluff with no plot?
So, what ended up happening is that I actually switched several parts of the fic around, as well as doing more show-not-tell. The very first part with the moon was detailed out a bit more. Originally I was going to come up with a more plausible story, but a week ago, I realized that was the plot of a really ridiculous fanfiction and... You've basically read a plot summary of a fic I'll release in a week or so.
Readers of the first version might notice that the kiss scene outside the café was the kiss scene at the end of the original version (obviously, this new version is much fluffier and less... er, mildly intimate? Idk.).
Later on, I actually wrote out the small exchange between Rift Show and Rarity instead of just narrating it briefly. I did this mostly for pacing reasons. The fight scene between Rarity and Twilight was left mostly in tact, while Twilight leaving the place was an idea suggested by The-Frank so HUGE THANKS to you, friend.
Anyway, this chapter went through like four different versions, and I'm honestly not sure I'll ever really like it but oh well.
CHAPTER 5
Chapter 5 was left mostly intact from the original version. I added a few bits of dialogue and description here and there, but I really felt it was solid enough that no change needed to be done.
CHAPTER 6
Ah yes, the chapter for which at least four people have called me a monster. Again, most of it was left intact except for adding a lot of descriptions to the final scene with present Twilight. There's also the huge plot change I did which is that there never was any note in the notebook.
This was originally an idea that was suggested by a friend after an extremely lengthy skype debate over the whole time-loop thing I had established. What concerned him was that Twilight wasn't given a choice in the matter, because seeing the note kinda forced her to go through with it.
I... was extremely reluctant to change that. I really liked the idea, but it felt like a breach of trust of sorts with my previous readers to change something as big as that. Sure, it's a small chance but when you take it in account, it completely changes the motivation for Twilight in the trip. I had made the time-loop because there had to be a time-loop for plot-hole avoidance reasons. My whole reasoning is that Twilight will always go, and it doesn't matter if there's a note or not. If there is, it's just reinforcing her decision.
Of course, the solution we came up with was that Twilight swapped the notebooks. That way, not only would there be the whole fluffy aspect that Twilight preferred risking paradoxes so she could spend more time with Rarity, but the time-loop would still be on-going except that Twilight would always have "the illusion of a choice". Which there isn't, because RariLight will always be the choice.
And that's it!
I still have ways to go as a writer, of course. I'm sure that even the re-write is nowhere near perfect, but I think it's good enough and a decent ending to the story.
So, thanks for reading, and for those of you who've been here since the day I posted the original first chapter, thank you for your support. Look how far we've come, kids.
Anyway, I am now putting this fanfiction to rest and don't ever let me come back to it. Ever.
ORIGINAL CHAPTERS (with grammar errors, beware).
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
