The trouble with tribes. · 11:31pm Apr 24th, 2012
One of the authors who's contributed to my list of favorite pony fanfiction recently posted a blog saying that he didn't care for "A Canterlot Wedding" and explaining why. He then followed it up with a second blog, addressing the most common complaint against him, that he shouldn't judge a show meant for little girls so harshly.
Over the past day or so, he's deleted those blog posts, reposted them, deleted them again, and made a half-dozen more blog posts deleted before I could even read them. At the moment, his sole blog post is one begging people to leave him alone, and I don't know how long that one will stay up.
I can't say for certain what's going on … but I have a theory.
Humans want to belong. It's instinctive; we're social animals. We come into the world included in a group already (most of us, at least): a family. For most, if not all of us, that's not enough, so we seek out more groups to belong to, based on any imaginable criteria: our nationality, our religion, our political preferences, our favorite sports team (indeed, our favorite sport), our place of work, our gaming devices (and the games we play on them), and yes, our favorite TV shows. There's nothing wrong with that. Friendship, as they say, is magic, and it's a lot easier to be friends with someone if you have something in common.
The trouble comes when we start tying our tribe into our identity.
I'm going to use the so-called "console wars" as an example. Practically since there's been a choice of home gaming device to play on, people have been arguing the superiority of their chosen gaming system, mocking others for making other choices and attacking anyone who dares to say their choice is less than perfect. Why does this happen? Why is it so important that the world knows that the Sega Genesis or the Super Nintendo is the clearly superior choice? (And why did I consider, even for a moment, using a random number generator to decide which console to name first, and state that I'd done so, to hopefully forestall arguments of favoritism?)
It's because we stop thinking of ourselves as 'people who decided to buy Game Console Q' and start thinking of ourselves as 'people who belong to the Game Console Q tribe'. If you admit that there are things Game Console D does better, or even that there are things that Game Console Q doesn't do very well, you're not just admitting that you may have spent your money unwisely; you're admitting that there is a part of you that is flawed. No one wants to admit that, so we convince ourselves that there isn't a flaw, that Game Console D's perceived advantages aren't important or don't even exist. The instinct is to defend ourselves, and by making our purchasing decision part of ourselves, we require ourselves to defend it as well.
It's not enough, however, to convince ourselves that we've made the right decision. If someone disagrees with that decision—if they praise the merits of Game Console D, or (horrors) say they prefer PC gaming—they're not merely expressing a preference for the way their chosen game system works or for the games it has. They're not even saying that we made a wrong decision. They're saying that we are wrong … flawed, sinful, bad people. And so we must fight them, to defend not only ourselves but the tribe.
I don't think I'm saying anything that surprises anyone who reads it. So why am I saying it at all? Well, if there's a point to this blog post, it's this: think about what you let become a part of you. Be willing to admit your mistakes. Be willing to accept that others can think differently than you do without either of you necessarily being wrong.
And perhaps most importantly, don't let a show called Friendship is Magic be the reason you visit hatred on anyone else. There are few, if any, reasons to do so, and a show about ponies doing their best to love and support each other shouldn't be one of them.
Too right.
Truer words have never been spoken. I have let FIM become a part of my life, and I accept that. However, I would never hate on anyone that doesn't agree that it is a good show. I instead try to prove it is a good show. If I have tried everything to prove it, and they still reject it, I assume that it simply wasn't meant to be, that I am seeing something they are not seeing in it, or they are seeing something bad about it that I am not seeing. I decide to leave them alone (for the most part, though I still never truly give up. Always hope they will change their minds) at this point, and let them hate. My best friends thinks it's funny that I like the show, but I've never gone off on him for teasing. I tease him for terrible grammar and being weird anyway. My point is, you need to accept that others may not like what you like. I think you can be part of the tribe or whatever and still admit you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are wrong, or that others are simply different and you shouldn't be mad at them or be mean to them for disliking what you like. In fact, that is the first step on the way to either improvement, or making new friends. And both of those are noble goals.
1. I didn't care for the final episode either. The first part was schmaltzy and (dare I say it) dangerously non-canonical, and the second part was amazing, incredible, exciting, and so truncated as to feel like a single grain of the best tasting rice ever. Also, there were more loose ends left hanging than at a canceled bukkake.
2. PC gaming is more complex and much more customizable (mods, etc.) than any console, and mouse-keyboard is far superior for FPS than a controller. Controllers are better for vehicles, though. The trade-off is that PC games are not user-friendly at all. I don't know how many times I've literally had to give up on playing a game because for some reason Windows won't cooperate. Even BF3 crashes every time I raise the graphics over "medium." So yeah, it can be a HUGE pain the ass being a PC gamer, but in my estimation it's worth it, since the games have historically been deeper and more intricate. There are plenty of days I wish I could just put a goddamn game in the goddamn tray and just PLAY IT, though, without having to break out my C++ for Dummies. Also, we have been experiencing a major paradigm shift in gaming as consoles and PC's meld into a single platform with the same games, so pretty soon, this will be a moot point anyway. I've got a PS3 controller hooked up to my PC right now, in fact.
3. Anyone who disagrees with me can suck an egg.
4. I think there's a need to belong and fit in, as you said, but I think in a lot of ways, we as amateur authors are facing the same exact crap that drove Hasbro to change Derpy's voice (a move I was disgusted by, but which I TOTALLY understand). Basically, once you are a supplier of a product, there's a fear of pissing off your customer base and losing whatever tenuous hold you had on them in the first place.
5. Thanks for the this illuminating blog post, Fred. I love discussions like this!
Sigh, back to work. Have a great day!
There will always be people that make others miserable to make themselves feel better unfortunately.
That said, If you're going to post something on the Internet (especially on the Internet) make sure that you can handle whatever jackassery comes your way.
He has done things like this before, and while I do feel sorry for him, I also can't help but be a little miffed at how easily they can get him riled up.
There's only one way to win, and that is to ignore them, just delete their comment posts, and go on with your life.
We'll see how this works out in the end. these were just my thoughts on the matter.
It's sort of funny. I'm involved in some relatively serious (in some ways, extremely so) extracurricular activities and I see exactly the same sorts of behavior to the same sorts of scales, and for much the same reasons. It really doesn't matter if the subject is life and death or a scrap over which pony has the best mane or anything in between, people act the same way. I totally understand where DH is coming from, because this sort of tribalism is fucking maddening, even when it actually has some vaguely understandable basis. At the same time, gotta deal with it; even if you're essentially rational and not given to monkey-brain behavior, most people are.