Remember when Equestria Girls was nothing but a super catchy song? · 7:10pm May 10th, 2013
So, I figured it's about time I gave y'all a rant. And what shall it be about? Obviously, the very controversial upcoming film "Equestria Girls" - which is going to premiere, what, next month or something? June? July? Dunno, don't really care, but I've come across a lot of shit about it. And to be honest, I'm not quite indifferent nor do I hate it. At first, I reacted like any other normal brony, I was like "OK WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE HASBRO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" but now, I don't really know how to feel about it all.
First, the looks. I've read lots of comments that the Mane Six look like the girls from Monster High - which I just so happen to be an avid fan of. It sort of hurts me a bit inside to realize this, but it's true. Hasbro and Mattel have been at each other's necks for years, first with Barbie now MH right behind it and Mattel is getting more money because of all the fans, mostly little girls, their targeted audience. However, Hasbro, on the other hand, got a bunch of grown men as their fans, sort of giving them a bad name. Yes, it branches out to show that you can be a fan of anything, no matter what, but that's not what they were going for. They want to beat the competitor, obviously, so they're turning Twilight Sparkle & the gang into super skinny girls who love to wear designer clothing - because that's what most little girls like. (I can only take one fandom of that, thankyouverymuch.) Also, it's how the Mane Six have been developed. Now, the first picture that popped up, I kinda sorta liked, y'know? I just didn't really care for RD and AJ in skirts. Then, the second promo image was a "HELL TO THE NO" for me. I do not like the wings and horns. If they're gonna be 'human', then don't give them magical powers and shit, capisce? Now, the most recent look, for the DVD promotion. I really like how Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy look in that, to be honest. But Rarity, ironically, the most beautiful of the Mane Six, gets worse with every new look she has. Applejack is a mess and not a hot one at that whilst Twilight just radiates "Meh" so hard. I can't even. Also, cutie marks on the face? FUCKING SERIOUSLY? You're actually promoting little girls to get tattoos that way! Why not just put the marks on their clothes or something, like seriously?!
Second, the plot (not in a sexual way). Ok, I am all for Twilight's crown getting stolen, that sounds like an ok adventure, but what sort of weird-ass villain would take her to another world, with a totally different species? Lyra, are you shamelessly promoting your obsession with humans or something? And oh. My. Fucking. GOD. Don't get me started on the fact she has to face High School. Seriously. Most fanfics interpret the Mane Six over eighteen, and from the way they act - they drink alcoholic beverages aka cider??? - it's obvious that they are pretty much around that age. Eighteen and up. Why can't Twilight face the real world? Get a job or something like that, hmm? I mean, seriously. They can make a situation like that G-Rated, they're a multi-million dollar company, THEY CAN DO PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING. Also, she's going to make friends that 'remind her of Ponyville's Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity & Fluttershy'? REMIND HER OF? WHAT? So, basically, does that mean that the Mane Six won't be doing this together? Twi's BFF's won't be assisting her in her adventure? They're gonna leave her all alone in some strange new world? SOME FRIENDS. Seriously, what kind of message are they promoting there? Friends stick with each other, no matter what. That does very much include if your friend ends up in a crazy-ass new universe.
Aaaand that's pretty much it. I might add more complaining some other time. Now, don't think I'm bashing "Equestria Girls" because I'm not, I'm just... pointing out what I don't like. I will see the film, but only because it's MLP-related. I just hope it's halfway decent. (Also, if they use the song "Equestria Girls" - which I just so happen to be listening to right now - for the theme, I will be very, very, very pissed off because that song is too awesome to use for that movie.) So! Share your opinions, if you want. You read my rant, now I will not mind reading yours. But even if you don't give a rant, thanks for taking the time to read about me bitch and moan about shit. (And yeah, a thirteen year old uses this language. Blame the Internet and my father. *shrugs* Whatever.)
They're too skinny. Way, way too skinny. No-one is like that. I mean, the original shots were okay, but...that promo poster...echk. I literally well up with tears each time I see it, and I'm like "Why, Hasbro, why? Why would you do this to us?"
I don't think I've seen Rarity's new design. Pics or it didn't happen, please.
And why do all the females wear skirts? That's so stereotypical. I expect scathing reviews from mothers and feminists alike.
And I won't be vaguely satisfied in the LEAST until I see a humanized version of EVERY STALLION. EVERY SINGLE ONE. NOW.
1068210 Oh, YES, now that you mention no one is that skinny, I was actually expecting Pinkie Pie to be a bit chubby, because of all the sweets she eats, but NAH. We can't even have that.
And here's The Mane Six's latest look.
Oh, poor Rarity. She really didn't luck out this time. In fact, I think none of them did. However, I highly doubt that the art style will be that detailed in the actual movie, because to be honest, it never is. I imagine it would be hard to animate. Anyway, I wanna see some stallions. Like, now.
I need my fix.
1068240 To be honest, I actually kinda doubt anyone like Big Mac, Dr. Whooves, Shining Armor will appear.
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B-but...*sobs uncontrollably* WHAHAHY?
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School uniforms/dress code. Simple as that. The uniform is a shirt that shows no cleavage, and loose pants or tight pants with a skirt (AJ and RD don't like loose pantaloons, so the opt for the tights with skirt).
Cuz they're all on meth. She doesn't go to an AU, MLP: FIM is just their meth trip. This is showing them on meth, but not how they normally see the world. This is them on meth, how everyone else sees it.
Like I say about EVERYTHING else that happens in the show (Alicorn Twilight,... other stuff), as long as it don't fuck with my background ponies, we cool. And no relationships.
1068310 Oh my God, dude, lmfao, they probably are gonna make a love interest for Twilight because every confused new girl at high school needs an boyfriend instantly so there's probably gonna be some dumb moment where she's like "I won't forget you..." and I'm just gonna be laughing my ass off for Hasbro being so stupid.
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Well, for that, I was talking about ponies. But yeah.
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If they ever give a canon background for Vinyl and Tavi and it turns out different from what I write, I will be sad.
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25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md3fdxHTuz1r777meo1_500.gif
No more of that. Shut up. (It was hard to write that. THAT GIF!!!!!)
... anybody else wondering why Rainbow dash or her doppelganger (whatever it is) has blue skin? And why Rarity looks like a walking corpse? And why Fluttershy and Applejack apparently have jaundice?
...because I am...
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Meth. I'm telling ya man. They were experimenting with new blends, which explains the coloration.
Wait... what?... Seriously?!
that's some pretty bad crap... in an authorial way...
Equestrya Girls....
Hey, I found this and it made me think of you bitching and moaning about it (it even had the trailer). I SAW VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
1073530 I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ASDFGHJKL