Failed Fics #1- 'Deadly Seven' · 6:09am Mar 15th, 2013
Hello and welcome to the first of what I hope to be many installments of 'Failed Fics,' a look into the numerous fanfics I've started but ultimately had to kill. Their stories vary, but the themes are the same; they just didn't belong in this world. I've been wanting to do this series for a while, and now that I have nearly 300 followers, why not go ahead, right?
Now, originally I was going to focus this first installment on the recently killed 'Adventures of the Time Defense Guild.' However, as a personal favorite to a friend in the Gulf Coast Bronies, I'm going to instead revist a story that still lives on in a way... 'Deadly Seven.'
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The genesis of 'Deadly Seven' occured around the time I started posting my stories here. The positive response many of them got reinvigorated me to try something big again, something I hadn't attempted in a while. October was nearing and I knew that it would be the perfect time for some good old-fashioned horror. 'Slender' was starting to take shape, but I had another idea; the Seven Deadly Sins.
For those of you who don't know, the Seven Deadly Sins are a rather cool concept in the Christian/Catholic faith. Essentially, while most sins are forgiveable, the Seven are not, and commiting even one of them even once is enough to damn your immortal soul to Hell. Each sin is an archetype, a concentrated mass of many smaller sins; Pride, Envy, Avarice (or Greed), Lust, Sloth (or Laziness), Gluttony, and Wrath. I've always had a soft spot for the Sins, so I decided to explore a fic based on them.
The result was an anthology I called 'Deadly Seven.' Seven chapters for seven characters each dealing with nightmares associated with one of the seven Sins. I liked it and pretty soon I had basic plot-lines for each of the stories (which would be around 1500-2000 words apiece).
What happened? Well... the stories weren't very good. Only four stuck out as decent and of those only three felt like they would be fun to write. I started on Pinkie's chapter, and even got 900 words in. It... felt off. I jumped straight into Rarity's and actually loved it... so much so that I decided to make it it's own story. As for the rest, I scrapped them all save Twilight's chapter.
For those of you who've read this blog for as long as it's been here, you all know that I've been slowly working on Twilight's chapter for months. Well... I've decided to scrap it. I'll be posting what I've written below, so don't worry, you're not missing anything.
So, here's the titles and synopses for might have made an... interesting anthology. (Note: the stories would have taken place in-continuity several years after 'Morning Glory.'
1. The Sin of Gluttony, or Baker's Dozen
-Told in first person (pony?) Pinkie Pie wakes up one day with a ravenous hunger in her belly that she can't kill no matter what she eats. Trees, rocks, Sugarcube Corner... none of it sates her voracious appetite. Desperate, she starts eating some of Fluttershy's critters, but even they have no effect. Now blinded by hunger, Pinkie devours Snips, Snails, and Twist before eating two toddler shaped pies. These seem to finally clear her head... just in time to see that she's just killed and eaten Pumpkin and Pound Cake! Pinkie awakens to find her favorite foals still asleep and sleeps in their crib the rest of the night.
2. The Sin of Sloth, or Lazy Days
-Rainbow Dash is feeling lazier than usual, so she decides to nap all day on a low-hanging cloud. Throughout the day she's visited by friends and neighbors, each asking for help with some task or just wanting to hang out. Dash turns them all down. After her rudeness makes Pinkie cry, Dash starts to follow her... but finds herself unable to move. The cloud comes to life and binds her to it, trapping her just as a pack of timberwolves attacks Ponyville. Dash can only look on in horror as her friends are ripped to shreds and her own little sister is eaten alive. Dash awakes and, after checking on Scootaloo, decides to spend the rest of the night outside the little filly's window.
3. The Sin of Wrath, or Not Gonna Take It Anymore
-Angel's abuse finally drives Fluttershy over the edge. She willingly re-Discords herself and goes about slaughtering her little bunny friend as well as any critter that gets in her way. Her blood-lust not sated, Fluttershy turns her attention to anypony that ever mocked her. Mac tries to restrain his wife but is badly wounded. Fluttershy's nightmare is ended prematurely by a mysterious filly who calms and wakes her. Fluttershy awakens and comes to the conclusion that she's pregnant.
4. The Sin of Avarice, or Apples and Oranges
-The Apples are out of money and about to lose the farm. Desperate, AJ takes out a large life insurance policy on Granny Smith and smothers the old mare in her sleep. The farm is saved... but AJ finds herself addicted to all the extra money lying around. She seduces and marries Filthy Rich, then arranges for he and Diamond Tiara to be killed in a freak carriage accident. She has the Diamond Dogs kidnap and murder Mrs. Cake so she can take advantage of a mourning Mr. Cake, marry him, then have him offed as well. Through subtle manipulations and assassinations, AJ eventually gains the ownership of all Ponyville, now renamed Appleville and patrolled by Diamond Dogs. Mac, who's done his best to turn a blind eye to his sister's actions, finally snaps when he discovers that AJ has been selling Applebloom to high-society types for 'special favors.' As Mac goes to turn her in, AJ reveals that she has one more life insurance policy, sneaking up on him with a dagger in her teeth. AJ wakes up and spends the rest of the night in Applebloom's bed. (This was the one that almost got written. Hell, it still might. I love the idea of AJ as Scarlet O'Hara.)
5. The Sin of Lust, or No One Like You
-Spike snaps and rapes Rarity. I was never pleased with the idea of this one and never went too deep into it. No big loss.
6. The Sin of Envy, or a Mother's Love
-It exists! Right here!
7. The Sin of of Pride, or Everything You Ever Wanted
-What follows is the first part of this chapter. It has not been edited, and you will very quickly see why it's pointless for me to finish it.
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For two days now she had travelled by foot, ignoring her teleportation spell in order to conserve her magic. Her body ached and her stomach grumbled, but she ignored them both. She’d chosen this spot of the Great Desert for its isolation and distance from any towns or cities. With the amount of magic she’d be using for this spell, there were far too many risks to factor in.
She’d found the spell months ago in the furthest corner of the Starswirl the Bearded wing. The very idea of the spell both terrified and excited her. Before deciding to go through with it, she’d considered informing Princess Celestia of the spell’s existence. In the end, though, she’d kept the information to herself.
If the spell worked correctly, Celestia would be too proud to care.
She took a few deep breaths to steady her nerves, closed her eyes, and started to cast the spell.
She felt the usual charge of static electricity as she lit her horn, its bony construction conducting the magic that lay within and directing it out. Enormous pressure started in on her, but she ignored it and just kept casting.
The rush of pain struck her brain hit her like a high speed locomotive. She drew in breath to scream and inhaled the dust and sand the ambient magic was kicking up. She hacked and forced harder. The pain grew, but so too grew her determination. Harder and harder she pushed. The pressure intensified. Her head was trapped in a crushing vice grip. Her legs began to buckle, but she forced herself to stand.
This was it. This was what Starswirl and Clover the Clever and Twinkle Shine had all experienced; this enormous pressure, this pain that signaled that they’d reached the threshold. The threshold of ultimate power.
The threshold of godhood.
She screamed in agony and ecstasy as she pushed beyond the boundary and was enveloped in the light.
The pressure released and raced away from her, leaving behind a sonic boom of rushing noise as it raced off in all directions.
Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes and peered down at her weakened legs.
Her long, graceful legs that now seemed to add a good foot to her height.
Twilight did a double take and flexed her wings in surprise.
Wings?
WINGS?!
She spun her head around to see them but her mane, now longer and more sumptuous, blocked her view. She rushed over to the oasis’ pool and peered into its depths. She could not ignore the urge to laugh in triumph at what she saw.
Her face was longer, her eyes farther apart. Her body was taller, leaner, and longer. Her horn had grown several inches and now ended in a sharper point. Two large feathered wings jutted from her back.
The spell had worked.
She had become… an alicorn.
Trembling with joy, she prepared to teleport back to Ponyville to show the others, but reconsidered. After all, it would be a shame to waste these brand new wings.
She flapped them experimentally and immediately rose into the sky. She was stunned by how easy flying came to her, like it was ingrained in her mind now. ‘So this is how Dash feels.’ She thought, doing several loop-de-loops and flips. Done playing for the time being, she blasted towards Ponyville, the deserts below her zipping past like a tan blur.
The first sign something had gone terribly wrong was Appleoosa.
The buildings all lay flat, as though they’d been crushed by some tremendous force. Twilight landed next to what had been the salt bar and pushed at some stray pieces of wood with a hoof. “What could have caused this?” She asked no one. She gazed around and noted that not a single building had been spared.
Then she saw the bodies.
They weren’t really bodies anymore; more like sacks of liquid. She walked among them, careful not to step in any of the puddles that had once been ponies, her horror growing with every step she took.
She found Braeburn next to Sheriff Silver Star. From the way their bodies were positioned, it almost looked as if they’d been having a morning chat.
Had nopony noticed this calamity before it had hit? Had it come that fast?
Was this as far as it had come?
A bolt of fear raced through the purple alicorn and she summoned her vast new powers. In a flash, she appeared in Ponyville…
…or, what had been Ponyville.
“No…” Twilight moaned, falling as her legs gave out. Just like Apploosa, the buildings were in shambles. Sugarcube Corner? Shattered. Colgate’s dentistry? Dust. Not a single building still stood.
She found Cheerilee first, surrounded by little sacks that had once been school children.
Here was Sweetie Belle. And Applebloom. And Scootaloo. And…
She winked from the scene to escape the madness only to find more. Fluttershy and Angel… no….
She winked again and again, each time revealing another fallen friend.
Applejack.
Pinkie Pie.
Rarity.
Rainbow Dash.
Breathing hard, the smell of death all around her, she looked to the horizon and saw the high turrets of Canterlot Castle.
Canterlot Castle was still standing!
Filled with newfound hope, she teleported into the familiar courtyard. “HELP!” She cried. “SOMEPONY PLEASE HELP!”
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After arriving in Canterlot, Twilight finds Cadance weeping over Shining Armor's corpse. Celestia and Luna appear to reveal the reason everypony died; Twilight forced the transformation, thus upsetting the natural order of things. As a result, every none alicorn creature in Equestria died in an instant. Luna suggests killing Twilight, but Celestia devises a worse punishment; she casts a spell that renders Twilight unknowable to anypony else ever again. It will take eons, but Celestia, Luna, and Cadance CAN restore Equestria. Through all of that, Twilight will remain invisble and intangible, utterly alone for all time. Twilight wakes and writes a letter to Celestia.
Why not finish? Eh, seems pointless now. CURSE YOU, MEGAN MCCARTHY!!!!
So... who's the scaly bastard in the one published story? That's Sin, a creature that would be causing these dreams at the behest of his master, a dark creature that has discovered Equestria and seeks to corrupt it. I'm not going into too much detail on that, since both the dark creature AND Sin will be appearing in the upcoming in-continuity story 'the King of Lies.'
So that was 'Deadly Seven;' ambitious, scary... FAILED.
Thoughts?
Very good cocept, unique I would say. Shame there won't be anymore. I enjoyed The Sin of Envy. They would all make a good series on their own.
i think that you should go with the Twilight story anyway. no need to feel shackled, just roll with your own idea's, no ne will hold it against you, it seems like a great idea for a story, i say go all the way.
sadly, therst of the stories don't strike me as a big loss. i like horror, but most of these ideas just sound more unpleasant and mean spirited than scary. even the envy story kind of straddled that line, but than one came out good so who knows? also, the Pinkie Pie and Applejack ones don't even really make sense for their characters, even in the nightmare context.
Nice ideas, but some of them don't feel right. Seems to me that applejack would have problems with pride, and Spike with greed. Don't know who lust would go for though, since it doesn't really fit Twilight. Actually, lust could fit with Fluttershy pretty well, and Twilight could have feelings of wrath.
But don't mind me, I'm just thinking out loud.
Neat concept, but not all seven really line up. Then again, not sure how well they can line up, and this setup isn't bad (although you're right, Spike's would have been that one chapter everyone just kind of ignores).
That Twilight chapter is kinda neat, if dark. :O This explains a whole lot now!