IT MELTS YOUR BRAIN; IT MAKES YOU BEHAVE · 4:53am May 24th

I squinted at the contract in front of me.
“A... formal function, of non-descript nature,” I read aloud. “Is it some changeling holiday?”
“No, no holiday.”
“A celebration?”
“Of sorts.”
“Is it the queen’s birthday?”
“Changelings do not have birthdays. Birthdays serve the interests of individualism.”
A politician, I thought, great. Still, as long as the bug’s money was gold, I could fashion myself the picture of moderate centrism. “Yes,” I agreed noncommittally, “may they rot in hell, the bastards. But if I’m going to do this, I need to know what kind of function it is so I can tailor my act accordingly. If I break out a happy birthday at a funeral show, things could get hairy.” I did something I didn’t normally do and thought about what I had just said. “Does that mean anything to you? Because of the chitin?”
“I understand what you’re trying to say,” the changeling replied. “But for your purposes, you need only know that it is a formal party.” It pointed in the direction of the stage. “The cannons, fireworks, the woowoo. That will do.”
I made a show of gauging my interest. I knew for a fact my entire next week was open—what else is new? Showbiz is murder this time of year—but for the sake of my art and livelihood, I needed to push. “Such a last minute request is doable... for a 12.5% additional fee.”
“Consider it done.”
Success! Fireworks lit the deepest, money-hungry recesses of my mind. “Then I will sign your contract.”
With a flick of its wrist, it procured a blade from its coat pocket. Changeling chitin was hard, but the insides of the holes in its arms and legs were porous. I understood it as being part of their respiratory system. With a quick downward motion, the changeling sliced the inner edge of a breathing hole. Green ichor dripped onto the page, which it then stamped into a hoof-shape.
The changeling looked up, and upon seeing my distaste, added, "You can just sign it." As I wrote my signature, the changeling's long serpentine tongue flicked from its mouth. "The Queen is so excited to meet you.”
"The Great and Powerful Trixie is delighted for you." I paused. "And the upfront payment?"
The changeling took out its coinpurse and counted forty five bits. "Half now. Half upon... completion."
"Glorious. Good day." I opened the door and shouted, “Security!”