"The Coronation of a Kind Princess" - Illustration by Damayanti Arts · 5:48pm March 19th
Hiya guys, it certainly has been a while for me. Going on almost three months! It's been a rough one, and unfortunately, I can't say I'm fully back in the saddle again. Work has had me more exhausted than I can bare to think for all too long, and the stress of the months prior has really taken a shot at my concentration. Writing does not come as easy and naturally as it did before that massive crunch I had. I wonder if I quite literally fried a part of my brain, haha.
Now, talking about this drawing that Dama made for me! This is something that she gifted to me a long while ago, and I've been wanting to show it off and talk about it for so long, but more than that I wanted to write and make something that would show it respect, like a story or a passage somewhere. With how my life has gone lately, I haven't had the energy or time to make my wants a reality. I've had to painfully contend with the reality of focusing on my priorities over doing something like that. It's put quite the damper on my mood as a result, since it's been quite a while since I wrote anything. I've been feeling that sense of guilt and conflict washing over me everytime I took to writing.
But I strongly believe in the art of letting go. Someday, I'll make it a reality. It's never too late until I'm dead, I always say! But for today, I concede and I'm showing it off now, ahead of time from anything I'll make in the future. The Coronation of a Kind Princess.
Dama's ability to replicate other styles is always amazing to me. After she read the story I made for her, she made all sorts of wonderful art for it which was a joy to be a part of. And she made several more outside of that. This one is something she did as an extra, and something she did for me. Much like "Herald of Kindness", it was meant to be a bit of practice for her in order to replicate the story-book aesthetic that the show had during key moments like the very first episode. But Dama always tends to go all out and do something so wonderful with her practices, and again I was touched by her inclusion of Chrys for this drawing. She took the natural progression that I was showing for Chrys within Prism Glass' story, and made a deeply beautiful and meaningful gift for me as a result. To see my special girl take to her own is quite moving. But I've already talked in length of my outpouring love for the ways in which Dama manages to move me.
Recently, Dama asked me if I wanted something as a gift for a certain day. I don't like to accept free things even from friends since I feel that any amount of work or favors should be rewarded, but she didn't let me refuse. I tried to initially, because I don't think she understands just how much I appreciate what she's done for me already. Since words come cheap and free to me, giving them out feels cheap as a result. When I compare what I can give to what she given to me, and how much I've loved them, it's no contest.
I hope I get to write more of Prism's story soon, as a way to repay that outstanding debt I feel towards her. It's a nice extra layer of motivation to get back into the swing of writing. I'd love to get back on that train.
This next bit is just me talking about my life a bit. Just more of my shower thoughts I felt like airing out due to the occasion, so feel free to skip it. I thank you all for being a big part in this growing experience for me here on FIMFiction, and I have especially big gratitude to all my friends on here like GJ90, Forcalor, Visharo, Joe Toon, and a few others. A huge thanks to all the wonderful artists who I've commissioned in the past, and who might see this post. Without you, my love for this whole thing would not be nearly as strong as it is.
I apologize if this sounds like a farewell, but it's not! I say my gratitude now because I fear I might retain my slow phase, and I want anyone who has ever cared about my work to know how much I appreciate them, even if I seldom show it. To any other reader that's been left out, I might not go to your userpage to respond to any likes and favorites on my stories like normal writers on this site, but know I do vastly appreciate your support!
Love is a transcendental thing, isn't it? Recently been thinking about my life since the times called for it. My birthday happened on the 12th of March, and I'm now 28. As you would imagine, I get a lot of comments from my mom about how I should leave the bachelor life and find someone. It was always funny seeing her tiptoe around suggesting it before when I was younger, since she knows that my circumstance was a bit sensitive. But after ten odd years, I think she's finally grown tired of leaving me to live in the past and has become more vocal about it. Had a heart-to-heart talk with her recently about my youth, and how difficult it was for me during highschool. My best friend, a childhood friend I'd known for seven years, passed away of leukemia in the middle of it all, and it threw a wrench into my life like you wouldn't believe. Her name was Mary. You might recognize the name! And she was the only girl I was ever truly romantically involved with.
Born of our short time together was my love for writing and storytelling in all its forms. We used to like writing our own stories together when we were younger, since we were both avid readers and would make all sorts of silly fanfiction like tiny collaborative projects. The structure would always change. Sometimes she would write a page, and I would write the next, and so on and so forth. Sometimes I'd write an entire story and she would simply edit it for me and tell me where I should change it, and vice-versa. We were so "story-brained" as she would say, that watching movies, cartoons, and shows were just the equivalent of learning lessons in story-telling.
Till this day, I still feel that way. But that mentality has grown with me, and it has grown ten-fold. To the point I even look at real life that way. I'll sit down and chat with people, just to learn their story. What they felt. What they did. Where they went. And where they'll go.
I used to think I was fundamentally broken from within, thanks to it. This mentality kept me from enjoying things like any normal person. Where others would get hooked on a show, movie, song, book, or game, I never felt that strongly about it. Never incorporated those things to my identity as a person. Never cheered for a sports team or even my nation's/state's flag. I felt like an observer. A ghost.
And you can bet that this was all super augmented by a long and steady depression too. I grew to think that I was incapable of loving something as deeply as I used to. I moved past my sadness, but that idea lingered with me for so long. When I wrote professionally, that idea was still there. I couldn't even get myself to love what I was making. You can imagine that it was that, plus a bunch of other reasons that sucked the enjoyment from writing stories meant to be sold.
When I unofficially retired, I was thinking that my love for writing and story-telling was gone all together too.
But, as all happy endings go, I returned to one of my older stories. The kind of story I wrote when I was hurting from within, expressing my loss in the form of my writing and all my insecurities. Back in a time when I still had the capacity to love so deeply that it hurt just to exist. And I remembered all over again all the many lessons I learned about story-telling. One of my favorites and most appropriate for this occasion in particular? From Butters Stotch of South Park, during his beautiful sadness speech.
If you've read my stories and feel like sometimes they're needlessly emotional or supercharged in that way, then know that's just a biproduct of my evolution as a person. I'm putting myself, my heart, onto those stories. The things I fear most. The things I love most. The person I want to become, and the things I hope to accomplish. I don't want to be afraid of self-expression, like I used to. I want to love deeply again, like I used. And these stories are just the steps I'm taking to make it happen.
"Suddenly pounces Darkevony with a hug that Pinkie Pie would be proud of."
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Thank you GJ, I can always count on ya to have something wonderful to say. It felt appropriate to show my own vulnerability after finally finishing the new chapter to Tiara's story. Like the natural step to take that came after it. It's rare I speak about myself since most of my own stories are not all happy ones, and I rather keep things that way, but every now and again I think it's important to do so as courage is tantamount to changing and growing.
You know though, a large portion of Tiara's new chapter was influenced by your own work GJ. Especially coming off the laurels of catching up with your Spring Surprises. That's why "vulnerability" was a big focus for it. So thank you! I was directionless for it for a good while, and I hadn't even decided on Berrytwist to be the orator of that chapter until afterward.
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Are you trying to make me feel bashful, because it is working!
A belated 'Happy birthday', there
First love is always something special for every person, and sadly, we need to learn to let go and live at some point, whatever the circumstances. Be well.