The Girl who Really Didn't Just Live · 1:50pm January 2nd
As you might notice from my blog title today, I'm revisiting The Girl who Didn't Just Live. Last time, the story died and was replaced by the short-lived A Hogwarts Harmony. Which was replaced by the even shorter-lived ARM (I don't think I've released even the full title for that one yet, let alone the first chapter, but it's pretty close to DOA)... and a recent comment got me looking back at The Girl.
Anyways, I have a question.
Since the problem with The Girl is that the story focused too much on the Sequence, the solution is fairly simple: Reduce the impact/importance of the Sequence on the rest of the story. In... another in-place rewrite, since the difference won't be nearly large enough- for the first several chapters at least- to make it permissible to make a whole 'nother story. The question is, though, would you prefer I do that, or no? We'd lose a number of Sequence scenes, such as the trip into the Void, the visit from Iris whose entire purpose was to point out it's less likely to have a basilisk in nature than it is to have a cube-shaped basilisk, and much of Ginny's technojunk. We'll also be losing a fair amount of her explanation on what Astrium is, though I think I'll leave in her exploration of some of its basic features; in all, fewer technodumps, more magic. She also won't be able to make it as fast... so while Hermione will still (inevitably) get killed and find death to be a minor inconvenience, Astrium won't be nearly as plentiful as it has been these last couple versions, so there won't be "alien" spaceships, there won't be tanks and tanks of magic programmable matter filling the Chamber of Secrets, and Hailey... will be less, ahh, proactive about discovering and using her powers. She'll still make Silver's necklace, but there won't be any "new power every week" thing.
Thoughts?
Clearly the problem is the sequence, personally I would reduce it to almost nothing or remove it together, but then it's not the story you want to tell and I'd be reading a different story.
Honestly with how many versions you have, it's probably fine to just keep rewriting and making new stories until you're satisfied, it's kinda fun rereading the same stuff but different, it cements some of the time travel ideas you have present in a meta kind of sense.
Anyway, I do think this plan you have here can work well, I don't have anything to add.
5762011
That's basically exactly what I'm thinking of doing. I still want Ginny to have her psionics, and some Astrium- really just enough for the main plot events that rely on it, like Hermione's "resurrection"- but the Sequence itself is completely unnecessary. Hence... she'd still be an Eve, but her Obelisk wouldn't be so easy to find (especially so early), and neither will she make such an industry out of Astrium production.
5762012
Hmm…. Or maybe I do have enough ideas to make it another rewrite in the chain…. While also discarding certain AHH!-ian ideas that didn’t work…
If I'm being honest with myself, I did really enjoy the (over)use of the Sequence, and all the technojunk, but it just feels like it doesn't belong in-universe with the Potter stuff - At least not to the degree that it was written in. Given how the Rowling wrote the wizards to begin with, it just feels weird to have the technologically stagnant wizard world (with their circa 1900 stuff) introduced to multi/trans-dimensional tech and just be so blasé about it. There should definitely have been more fuss involved from any witch or wizard, and even most of the muggles, who encountered it.
It just feels like it needs some deeper integration into the world is all. If it were somehow tied to the founders, or some other ancient wizard somehow it'd feel like it fit better, and thus be less of an uncanny-valley type situation with out of place tech in a world that has issues accepting even simple things like an electrical devices and ball-point pens.
5762112
The issue with that approach is that the Sequence is actually a hidden second crossover to another admittedly unwritten (but well-designed) fan work by one of my editors- and if I apply it to some historic witch (because all Eves are female), then…. it becomes moot. The only real way to get the powers without the interference is to slow her down…. Hmm. I have a sudden idea…
5762191
Maybe have the sequence linked to the energy that turned up in Hogwarts Legacy that is buried under the castle.