• Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 28 minutes ago

Fluttercheer


Pony Author, Writer of Foal Stories, Storyteller, Equestrian Analyzer and occasional Pony Artist. You can support the stories I tell on Patreon to get nice rewards or tip me on Ko-fi (LINKS BELOW).

More Blog Posts719

  • Saturday
    Derpy Day 2024


    Source: https://www.deviantart.com/spicysushidog/art/the-field-826050387


    Are you wondering where the plane flies to? Are you also thinking of someone who is far away?

    Happy Derpy Day, Derpy. :heart: May the muffins be forever in your favour.

    3 comments · 28 views
  • 2 weeks
    Selfishness has been my wrong motivator for the longest time..... and people don't see who I really am because of that.

    A lot of people in the fandom don't understand who I am and think of me as a bad person. My friend sometimes does, too, and doesn't trust me anymore because of that. There have been moments when she literally asked me "Who are you?". I was always thinking this was stemming from trust issues that she developed because of events in her past and I was only marginally attributing the cause for this

    Read More

    6 comments · 72 views
  • 4 weeks
    I just didn't understand it.....

    I was going back and reading a Discord conversation me and my friend had..... We were talking about woke ideologies and rascism and women and she told me a few things she is concerned about, things that concern her about me..... And I didn't understand it..... I was reading this conversation for the first time again since we had it and it looks so different now..... She tried to help me, tried to

    Read More

    1 comments · 96 views
  • 6 weeks
    Am I an evil person?

    Many years ago, I lived together with a person who called herself my "mother". She was evil and also mentally ill. A few days ago, on Thursday, I came to think about her, because I was thinking about the mistake I made in January of 2017 and how my extreme reaction there

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    1 comments · 64 views
  • 6 weeks
    Balance

    I was always balanced. Until I suddenly wasn't anymore. Since that mistake I made in January of 2017, I have changed and lost a part of myself. I still don't understand what caused it and what made me act that way. But since then, I was not balanced anymore. And it grew

    Read More

    1 comments · 70 views
Dec
3rd
2023

I feel tired and weary..... · 9:31pm Dec 3rd, 2023

I have woken up today and things have taken a turn for the worse. In the most horrible way I can imagine. I lack the strength to say much about it now, about the reason, the mental strength to say much. And talking about it is very painful, because of the emotions involved.....

Something that has lasted for more than 7 years might have ended today. Something that has brought the most beautiful moments I ever had in my life, in this here world. It came brutal and unexpected, without a warning. Even happened when things were looking up and got better. When I had a sense of confidence about the future. A big sense of confidence about the future, even. But today..... I went at my computer and she was gone.
Gone from my Discord contacts, gone from my Steam friend list. Nothing bad has happened. We did not have a fight. Yesterday she was still here. Today, when I woke up, she was gone. It might have been because I haven't said anything all Friday, as I was busy with things that were planned and had piled up and that needed to be finished quick. It could have been a bigger reason, too, things that were piling up for her. But overall, I can tell the reason why. And I'm afraid, things have gotten much more complicated again, when I thought they wouldn't anymore, when I thought we had..... burdens from a certain event in the past left behind us.

Maybe its not over. It was over once already and then it wasn't. We have been through a lot and you can't imagine what an understatement that is. But our friendship prevailed in the end. Maybe it will be this time. I am hoping for this at least. And there is nothing to hold against her. If she returns, I will be here. I don't want a friendship, that has lasted for 7+ years and that has gone through so much shit I and her didn't ask for, to end..... And maybe it won't. I have hope left. We weathered so many storms already, only to see the light of the sky, the sun, again.
Maybe she will come back. But right now, it's uncertain and things look bleak.

Why am I writing this..... I need to tell you that I will go on a hiatus for a while. Or maybe a semi-hiatus. Depending on it if I feel a bit more confident in any given moment. We will see. But for a while, I will not make guarantees to get anything done. This goes here, on Patreon, on Twitter (main account), on Brony Retweets 2.0 and on Daily Crusaders. I feel weary after a tear-filled, emotional breakdown.
This hiatus will last for about a week, for now. I will see how things are, both between me and her and my emotional and mental condition, on December 11th. I might do a bit better then. Or not and will need a longer break to..... I don't actually know. I might, for the first time ever, consider professional, mental help after this shock I woke up to today. And if that happens, I will certainly be mostly inactive for some time longer than a week. But I will tell you what happens on the 11th.

I'm sorry this happens after "The Sky is Gone: Repentance" has just released yesterday. I could not foresee this development. But I am mentally out of commission right now. The connection to writing is not there right now. I just need to deal with my feelings right now. And maybe, hopefully, find a way to fix this situation between us..... And bring us to a better and more stable point again. I just can't let our friendship die.

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