I feel tired and weary..... · 9:31pm Dec 3rd, 2023
I have woken up today and things have taken a turn for the worse. In the most horrible way I can imagine. I lack the strength to say much about it now, about the reason, the mental strength to say much. And talking about it is very painful, because of the emotions involved.....
Something that has lasted for more than 7 years might have ended today. Something that has brought the most beautiful moments I ever had in my life, in this here world. It came brutal and unexpected, without a warning. Even happened when things were looking up and got better. When I had a sense of confidence about the future. A big sense of confidence about the future, even. But today..... I went at my computer and she was gone.
Gone from my Discord contacts, gone from my Steam friend list. Nothing bad has happened. We did not have a fight. Yesterday she was still here. Today, when I woke up, she was gone. It might have been because I haven't said anything all Friday, as I was busy with things that were planned and had piled up and that needed to be finished quick. It could have been a bigger reason, too, things that were piling up for her. But overall, I can tell the reason why. And I'm afraid, things have gotten much more complicated again, when I thought they wouldn't anymore, when I thought we had..... burdens from a certain event in the past left behind us.
Maybe its not over. It was over once already and then it wasn't. We have been through a lot and you can't imagine what an understatement that is. But our friendship prevailed in the end. Maybe it will be this time. I am hoping for this at least. And there is nothing to hold against her. If she returns, I will be here. I don't want a friendship, that has lasted for 7+ years and that has gone through so much shit I and her didn't ask for, to end..... And maybe it won't. I have hope left. We weathered so many storms already, only to see the light of the sky, the sun, again.
Maybe she will come back. But right now, it's uncertain and things look bleak.
Why am I writing this..... I need to tell you that I will go on a hiatus for a while. Or maybe a semi-hiatus. Depending on it if I feel a bit more confident in any given moment. We will see. But for a while, I will not make guarantees to get anything done. This goes here, on Patreon, on Twitter (main account), on Brony Retweets 2.0 and on Daily Crusaders. I feel weary after a tear-filled, emotional breakdown.
This hiatus will last for about a week, for now. I will see how things are, both between me and her and my emotional and mental condition, on December 11th. I might do a bit better then. Or not and will need a longer break to..... I don't actually know. I might, for the first time ever, consider professional, mental help after this shock I woke up to today. And if that happens, I will certainly be mostly inactive for some time longer than a week. But I will tell you what happens on the 11th.
I'm sorry this happens after "The Sky is Gone: Repentance" has just released yesterday. I could not foresee this development. But I am mentally out of commission right now. The connection to writing is not there right now. I just need to deal with my feelings right now. And maybe, hopefully, find a way to fix this situation between us..... And bring us to a better and more stable point again. I just can't let our friendship die.
*offers hugs*
Hug