The Random Review [No. 2]: Heated (not the real VAV) · 12:15pm Jul 14th, 2023
The One-Sentence Summary
FlutterMac plus sex references equals a lot of upvotes.
The Substance
There's really nothing here at all beyond what I said already. It's just brony fan service. Nothing happens except the bleeding obvious. The entire thing is 'Fluttershy wants him and he wants her and they get together in the end'. That could be interesting to explore if you tried to build up your characters and their circumstances, but there's practically none of that. It's Big Mac going to see how she is and the two being cutesy about their upcoming marriage – all very well, but without direction. Because it's a snapshot, it's unfair to expect too much from it structurally. But I'd expect something good to replace the lack of conflict and action. It doesn't offer anything except the ship and sexual tension, on which it relies wholly. So, it'll titillate the salacious. Otherwise, it's empty.
The Skill
It isn't done particularly well either. Some bad punctuation and grammar – and inconsistently formatted to boot. Because it's all about the sexual tension, let's dip into how the writer's gone about creating it. Physical descriptions are blushes and heavy breathing and moans and tongues and sweat and crème. I'll give it its dues: at achieving the one thing it set out to do, evoking sexual images, it's done OK. Words are important, and the writer's picked the right ones. Some moments are tactfully subtle, and that adds. What builds tension better:
“Let me know if you feel…anything going on…down…there.”
Or
'We can share a bed if you want to.'
So, it isn't as blatant as all that – and that's about all the virtue I can point to.
“Oh won’t you stay? I’d love some company, big boy.”
Ah. OK. I take that back.
As covered in the substance, it's shallow stuff, and there's only so much technique can do for you if your materials are weak.
The Gestalt
It's just a bit of pap, really. But it isn't as though it was pretending to be anything more. If it did anything well, it managed to be a complete, coherent scene.
The Lowdown
3/10
Empty fan service that appeals to the right person.
