[rant] please ignore this if you are not in the right mental state for reading about others' mental health and stuff but I am so angry right now · 1:57pm Jun 14th, 2023
Okay, the rational part of me wants you to read that massive long disclaimer again. If you are not in the right mental state for reading about others' mental health and the problems in their lives, stop now and go read some happy horse words or talk to some friends or go do whatever you need to do to help you feel better. Please. I don't want you to read this and go away feeling even worse than you did before just because I'm having a bad day.
If you're wondering what about me, well, I'm... fine for now. I'll be able to sort myself out. I just feel like screaming into the void for a minute because of frustration and being angry. I don't usually rant in huge amounts of detail or dedicate an entire blog post to my negative emotions, but today I just need to get my thoughts out of my head so I'm not stuck with them playing over and over on repeat for hours on end.
Okay. If you're still here after taking that massive trigger warning on board, I guess I should explain to you what's going on and why I'm feeling this way.
I have been waiting in agonising silence for more than seven months for a hospital appointment so that I can be referred to the right physical and mental health services to even start to get myself sorted out. Tomorrow was supposed to be the day of that appointment. Not only did they give me the most misleading information about the appointment by not explaining that the psychology unit is in the dental department for some reason, but they went and cancelled my appointment with no rational explanation as to why they did so.
Seven. Months. Seven months of having the most excruciating pain running through my body. Seven months of fighting against my inner demons, against the memories of the worst times of my life and the inner voice telling me that everything I've been through makes me worthless. It's not true of course - each one of you who follows me or comments on something I've posted is proof to me that people care about me - but that doesn't stop the constant voice of hopelessness from telling me its lies.
I have waited for so long, and the doctor has just straight up abandoned me.
I am furious.
My emotions scare me from time to time, and although it's not the worst I've felt, my anger doesn't feel great. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone physically or mentally because my emotions have affected my rational thinking. I... I feel sick. Back to ringing the GP at 8am when their office opens up only to find that all of the appointments for the foreseeable future are already gone, I suppose. Maybe one day I'll be lucky and find one five-minute appointment is available, and I'll deal with the issue of whether or not my symptoms are taken seriously when I get to it.
It's probably best for me to use these emotions for something more productive than ranting, so maybe I'll be able to write something half-decent today. Who knows. I'll be okay, though. Don't worry about me too much. I'll get over it by tomorrow and get back to normal life.
Hopefully this hasn't made you all feel too down about life and the world. Stay strong, all of you.
~ Angel
Now me personally...I wouldn't let that slide...
Man that sucks, ese doctor es un cabron!
I hope it gets better
I'm sorry this happened... it's not really something I've experienced, I've been particularly lucky when it comes to psychological help, but I can very much understand the distress, trust me.
I remember last year, when I struggled so incredibly much with school during my exam time and even before it. If I hadn't found a therapist quickly, I don't know what I'd have done. I was also prescribed very helpful OCD medicines, ones that finally allowed me to live comfortably with that disorder, and again, had that not come to be, I have no clue if I'd have passed my high school at all. Maybe, maybe not.
I'm incredibly sorry that happened to you, but... I guess my point is that there is something to look forward to. I know this might not really help, but once help does come to you, it might change your life. And we'll all be here to see it.
5733332
It's not really the doctor, it's the terrible admin system and thousands of layers of bureaucracy. It's like trying to open up a present someone's got you which is covered in about three hundred layers of wrapping paper, only to discover that the gift inside is either nonexistent or some £1/$1 gift that falls apart the first time you use it.
5733335
Thanks
5733338
Okay. I'll keep fighting and hoping that the help I need comes soon. Thank you.
5733340
It's always the damn bureaucrats, it's a conspiracy I tell you!
Those aren't birds! Those are end-of-the-line, high-tech, government-spying equipment!
Hug