Empress Theresa: Chapter Eleven Analysis · 6:20pm Apr 21st, 2023
A month has passed. Humanity has less than a year to live now. Theresa’s progress on getting HAL to make the wind blow again? She has learned how to juggle…I wish I was joking about this. I learned how to juggle years ago, and I have not stirred up so much as a mild zephyr. Boutin also shows that he doesn’t know how archery works. Incidentally, I also learned how to do that about a year ago when my niece taught me. Back to the point, Theresa seems to be taking into account every factor mentioned in the Galaxy Song from ‘Monty Python and the Meaning of Life.’ Why? Because controlling HAL is very complicated. That’s all the explanation you’ll get for the rest of the story.
Theresa gets off track and begins to think about home. In a stunning display of maturity (probably the first that she’s shown in the entire book) she thinks about how her husband has been suffering by dedicating his life to her awesomeness. But then she can’t stand being inside her little training room anymore and goes outside. This is against the rules, but nobody dares stop the amazing Theresa, who continues to walk unopposed past the numbers of security equipment and personnel through the woods, to the fields at the back of the property, and finally to the little town beyond. This town is noted for specifically having ‘American-styled’ homes, made from wood and plaster, as opposed to brick and mortar.
As soon as she gets there, Theresa is met with nothing but admiration from a crowd of people who come out of their homes to follow her around like she’s the Pied Piper leading a bunch of rats to their deaths. At the house of Juliet Graham, Theresa is invited to be the guest of honor at a picnic being held in what she (Juliet, an English woman) erroneously refers to as her back yard. In Europe, they call that their garden. This is just one of many factual errors regarding spoken English in European countries that Boutin makes throughout this book.
In a stunning display of subverted expectations, this picnic is not held in Theresa’s honor, but is held by Mrs. Graham on a regularly scheduled basis. Theresa just happened to be walking by when it happened this particular time. Nobody seems to mind the armed gunmen who are shadowing Theresa this whole time, because they are enraptured by a story so boring that people are advised to not operate heavy machinery while listening to it. (Not really, but the story is really, really boring). Then it’s time for karaoke! Boutin tries to tug our (by now) dull and deadened heartstrings by having a little girl sing The Sun Will Come Out from ‘Little Orphan Annie.’ He also misspells ‘Greensleeves’ as ‘Greensleaves.’ And this concerto of sentimental serenading all culminates with someone singing ‘The Morning After’ from ‘The Poseidon Adventure.’ Theresa is then advised that she return home, because traffic has backed up across the country since everyone has left their homes to get a glimpse at Theresa. Do these people honestly have nothing better to do!? What do they expect to earn from meeting Theresa!?
Two months have now passed. All we have experienced is things that will have no bearing on the story or the plot whatsoever, and people are rocketing toward extinction by the day. Worldwide, ninety percent of crops are failing. Starvation is rampant! Desperation leads to a surge in crime! People are at each other’s throats! Nobody can trust anyone! You’d think that would be the case, but that isn’t what’s happening. Instead people are flocking en masse to their houses of worship and are praying to their preferred deity. It is then that Boutin uses this moment to dish on atheists, as if they would do nothing to help by not praying. As if all atheists are just greedy, materialistic narcissists who don’t want to hold themselves accountable to a deity just so they can wallow in their filthy sins.
However, it seems that Theresa has made some headway. She has put those numbers to good use and is using them to command HAL now. Hold on? What’s this? Theresa begins using nothing that she had built or practiced before to make a geyser of water shoot up into the sky and form a cloud! People needed wind to cycle precipitation, and it seems that Theresa has found a way to get around that. She’s doing good. Being productive. Having said that, there are critics. People think that if this fails, there could be catastrophic tsunamis. In order to combat these criticisms, Steve decides to take the case to the United Nations!
Really? The UN? To settle a perfectly valid criticism? The sense of entitlement just reaches a height that special snowflakes in a college safe space can only hope to reach. That’s it for this one. Brace yourself for the next chapter. See you Monday.
Boutin's habit of not doing his research rears its ugly head again. He makes a similar error with RAF ranks; Theresa refers to 'a General of the Royal Air Force' at one point. The rank of General does not exist in the RAF; the equivalent rank is Air Chief Marshal.
5724415
You'd think that he'd have learned something after watching all of those BBC shows. Which he obviously did. Theresa is clearly commenting on all of the shows that he's watched that have come from the UK.
5724458
Exactly. Many Americans have their perception of Britain shaped by BBC productions. But yes, it suggests he paid minimal attention to what he was watching if he didn't pick up on the vocabulary the characters use.