Alive, just....tired... · 2:29am Dec 31st, 2022
Mom's health took a hit mid-September and she only recently got diagnosed earlier this month with some sort of kidney infection that has all but shut them down as a result. Unless one of us turns out positive for a transplant, she's going to be on permanent dialysis for the rest of her life.
She has a physical therapist who's going to work on getting her back into walking shape (because whatever this is, it's messing up the circulation in her feet), but otherwise needs a wheelchair to get around and a special diet, including a certain amount of fluids per day. Some days she seems normal, others she's tired and droopy and will change her mind about something no sooner than she asks us to get it for her.
Dad, Sis, and I are stressed out, frustrated at doctors who aren't giving us the right answers, only 'directions', and I'm finding it harder and harder to care about all the stuff that I usually love. Writing is spotty and I'll be lucky if I don't throw something away/delete something seconds after typing it out. Reading, for once, frustrates me, and I feel hesitant to talk to my friends about anything because it'll just sound like I'm whining when I should be being a good daughter and taking it on the chin like Sis has been.
But while she's getting more empathetic, I'm losing my mind to my various neurosis'.
I'm sorry about all the trouble you're going through. I hope that things improve with the new year.
"Taking it on the chin" isn't necessarily a healthy reaction to a parent developing chronic health problems. (And I suspect she's experiencing similar turmoil to yours, just in a way you can't see.) It's okay to struggle with one of the pillars of your life showing cracks. Being a "good daughter" doesn't mean being an unfeeling automaton. We're here for you if and when you need us.
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"HUGS"
Thank you.
Sis has always been good at keeping a cool head in a crisis (so long as it doesn't involve spiders) while Dad and I go through an emotional rollercoaster. Mom is good one day, expecting impending doom the next, which I don't blame her for since I think the dialysis makes her nervous (and tired).
But I'll try to be more open with you guys from now on 😳
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The occasional vent is definitely a good thing, trust me.
I'm very sorry to hear that. Medical emergencies are like superheroes--they show up without warning and ruin all your carefully made plans.
Your sister might, like you, be more upset than she appears to be. It would be a shame if you're each holding back your feelings because the other of you is.