Story Notes: 16 (Sweetie Swirl) · 8:01am Dec 4th, 2022
Source: https://www.deviantart.com/strangesieuth/art/Sweetie-Swirl-361215420
As everyone probably guessed from the release of her interview, Sweetie Swirl's chapter is finally posted. I've been sitting on that completed interview for over a year.
I apologize that this chapter has been so delayed. I've known the direction I wanted to take with this character but writing it has been... challenging. My first mistake was trying to write the entire thing as a series of journal entries. One of my strengths as a writer is character interactions and I lost that with the format change. In the end I went back and rewrote most of the journal entries to be normal scenes instead, though I kept a few in the story so everybody can get a taste of what I'd been planning. The journal format was important because of her Enneagram type (Sweetie Swirl is a low-functioning 5; Lulu Luck is the high-functioning 5 in this story). Fives are thinkers, and I wanted to show her thoughts. Furthermore, it took longer than anticipated to find Sweetie Swirl's voice, but once I did, she wouldn't shut up. This chapter went from having been stalled out at ~3,000 words for months to over 13,000 words in the span of a weekend. I could've had this posted a month ago, but I just kept going. Eventually I decided to break her chapter into two pieces. The second part serves a purpose, like we saw in the multi-chapter arcs for Ploomette and Snowcatcher - Sweetie Swirl brings a unique perspective to the story as well. There won't be as much of a delay on her second chapter - that's already 11,000 words strong and still going.
That's one of the reasons I went back and expanded some of the earlier chapters. It was a way to continue working on this story. There's more coming for the earlier chapters, also.
The inspiration behind this chapter was a fic I had in my 'in progress' heap since 2019 (which isn't all that old compared to most of the things stuck in development Tartarus) by the working title Exchange Program. I present a snippet from that, as it will never see the light of day now, because the concept has been absorbed by 16.
There were slash marks through every day on the calendar prior to the date circled in red. Today was the day his life was going to change for the better. He knew it in his heart and in his head. Thousands of people had applied for the Equestrian Exchange Program, but he’d been one of the lucky hundred chosen to be the first humans in Equestria. There’d been a shortage of ponies willing to venture to Earth, and the terms of the exchange were quite clear it was to be a one for one transfer. One human for one pony.
He felt blessed that the joint committee made up of an equal number of humans and ponies had selected him. He had the qualities they were looking for. A little voice in the back of his head argued it was less his qualifications and more that he was expendable. He was single, had no job, and lived with his parents. All of which were things he desired to change, hence his application. Surely Equestria would be a change for the better – look how few ponies wanted to leave, compared to the wave of humans wanting to flee Earth.
His exchange partner was a mare named Glow Stick. He absentmindedly flipped through the folder with her information. She was a pegasus mare, living with her parents and little sister. He'd be moving in with them temporarily, until finding a place of his own. The swap was for three months. Summer vacation for Glow Stick, who’d be attending college in the fall. Of course, if things went well for her on Earth, arrangements would be made for her to attend school somewhere near his family. Probably Rutgers or Princeton if he had to hazard a guess, either of which would be happy to have the prestige of enrolling the first student from another world. He’d been lucky enough to just barely get accepted into the local community college. He’d taken a leave of absence after two semesters, and three years later had yet to return to finish his education.
Three months. Three months to make a new life for himself. He was a failure here on Earth. No one would miss him except his parents and maybe a few of his friends. Equestria was a blank canvas waiting for him. Three months to sink or swim. If he failed there, he’d have to return home as a failure yet again.
The thing is, the protagonist never moves on. He's still the same person inside, and it doesn't matter if he's on Earth or in Equestria. Had the story been completed, his three months would've expired and he'd be returning home a dismal failure. Not the happiest story I've ever envisioned, and it may explain why this one went nowhere. Almost half of what was written is featured above. We've even seen Glow Stick in 16, just last chapter as part of Sunny Rays' band. Glow Stick is one of my more fleshed out OCs, having a color scheme, a cutie mark, and even a vague personality. Most are nothing more than names I feel would fit a pony, and randomly appear as background ponies in some of my works (16 featuring a great deal of them, because even with MLP's rich history I can't pull enough ponies out of prior generations to fill all the needed gaps). I realize some of these names overlap with those of other fan characters, mainly because I don't go searching to see if anyone is already using the name since it's most likely for a one-scene wonder who won't show up again.
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/2090384
Instead of a journal, we get some extended scenes with Shoofly Pie, who was never intended to be anything more than a background character, but she definitely serves as a good soundboard between two ponies with very different ways of looking at the world. I'm going to accuse Shoofly of being a scene stealer. ...She must originally be from Pittsburgh. They have lots of Steelers there.
Part two of Sweetie Swirl's story will be both comedic and depressing simultaneously. If you're wondering how that's humanly possible, congratulations, you're not a 5. Fives tend to be sarcastic, self-deprecating, and creatures of contradiction. When a 5 is down in the dumps, they'll withdraw into their own mind. Any attempts to reach out to a low-functioning 5 will be met by the 5 pushing those people away, often times by pushing the big shiny red buttons that tend to permanently disintegrate friendships or relationships if pushed.
Source: https://derpibooru.org/images/787207
The amusement park in the Damden area that's alluded to, but not mentioned, is Action Park. I couldn't think of a good ponification for it, but the real life example earned the nicknames "Traction Park" and "Class Action Park". How do you top those? Especially because this park truly earned them. No, I've never been there (not to the long-gone original, nor to the tamer successor).
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Ride/ActionPark
Six Flags Great Adventure would actually be closer to Camden than Action Park, but we already saw Six Nags in Ploomette's chapter. Action Park was closer to West Milford (the inspiration for West Milfoil; Flitterheart's hometown).
Source: http://paintrolleire.deviantart.com/art/omg-wahhhh-256086761
Seen above with Lulu Luck (bottom left) and Starbeam Twinkle (top left), as well as Twinkleshine (top right, but not appearing in this story).
Then there's Thag. Kind of an odd name for a dragon... or is it? Picture a Stegosaurus. Armored plates on its back, and four spikes on its tail. Scientists refer to the spiked tail as a 'thagomizer' which is a nod to a 1982 Far Side comic strip. Meanwhile, his twin brother Slag is one of the Dinobots (Triceratops) from Transformers.
Source: https://www.deviantart.com/avarick/art/Sweetie-Swirl-Faceshot-339680998
How to speak Pennsylvanian:
Lancaster is not Lan-cass-ter, but Lang-kiss-ter.
Leb-a-non is a country in the Middle East. Lep-nin is how the locals pronounce the Pennsylvanian town/county.
Reading, much to Twilight Sparkle's dismay, is pronounced Redding.
So for my portrayal of Equestria's version of Hershey (Horsey), the natives pronounce the town as Horchy. Horch having been a German auto manufacturer, most famous today as one of the four rings that makes up Audi's logo (the rings represent the four companies that merged into Auto Union: Audi, Horch, Wanderer, and DKW). Considering the Hershey area of Pennsylvania is primarily of German descent, I felt that was appropriate.
Source: https://www.deviantart.com/razzle-the-dazzle/art/mlp-wave-1-figures-drawings-5-312788860
I was really hoping to have a surprise ready to go for this chapter, but it's not ready yet and I've been sitting on this for too long as is. It will be posted with part two of Sweetie Swirl's saga.
Source: https://www.deviantart.com/werewolfonaleash/art/Sweetie-Swirl-and-Snow-Catcher-819542741
Hey, who's that unicorn on the right? Looks like Snowcatcher dropped by to say 'hi'.
As with all sixteen of our main characters, I have her brushable toy:
Source: AlwaysDressesInStyle
Go get em Sweetie.
Was reading through the chapter and one thought that kinda came to mind was "I wonder what Sweetie Swirl would think of George Carlin's stuff?" (Ignoring all the swearing in so much of it, of course... Can actually think of one video that in a few parts what he's saying vaguely aligns to some of a conversation in the chapter, but there's a bunch of f-bombs in the video so I wasn't sure if linking to it was a good idea... I suppose I can probably get away with saying that the video ID on YouTube is Yi6XV8yBFoU though, if anyone is that curious.)
And thanks for the blog post. :)
5701695
Considering Sweetie Swirl's sarcastic sense of humor, I suspect she'd like him.
5701739
You're welcome!
What happened to the rating on this fic? It's telling me that voting is disabled.
5706804
Re-enabled them briefly to check - it's at 107 likes to 4 dislikes. Not bad at all, but I don't like having ratings. Interestingly, this still hits the featured box most updates, even with the ratings disabled (I disabled them quite a while ago).
5706924
huh, when did they add that feature?
5706934
Since at least 2018, which is when I discovered it was an option. I'm pretty sure it wasn't an option in the early days of the site.