Facts with Spike · 10:13pm Oct 31st, 2022

Spike was sitting in his brown leather chair reading The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving,

Oh, I didn't see you there....what are you doing at my house anyway? I didn't invite you so fu...What? Oh, you are here to listen to some amazing facts about the crazy things I did during my life, more precisely during this special holiday. I'm speaking of Halloween you dumb fucko...Top ten Halloween facts about me and why I should be in jail!

Number 10

Last Halloween I shot my brother dead with a silver shotgun with holy water-filled bullets because he once stole all me candies...He hit me with an iron skillet frying pan for god's sake...I also blew off my sister's head with that same shotgun!

Number 9

I awoke an evil entity to beat a crazy bitch, spoiler alert I caused a genocide of an alternative universe...I was high on chocolate vodka that day not gonna lie,

Number 8

I am now haunted by the spirit of myself from that very same universe and... WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT NOW? I'M TELLING A STORY SO STOP ASKING FOR ME TO BECOME THE SYMBOL OF HOPE AND REDEMPTION FOR MY SINS YOU FUCKER!!

Number7

Once I was trick-or-treating with Pipsqueak, and that little boy was wearing an apple costume! He was adorable...only in truth, Fluttershy was having her vampire phase so once she saw him she swooped on that little bastard and kidnaped him in front of my own eyes. I looked at her flying away and then I resumed my walk

Number 6

I was drunk in a pumpkin field once and I thought they were attacking me so I started fighting back against those sons of bitches...I ruined the farmer's field that day...He starved to death because of me.

Number 5

For this one, imma show a quick video that my friend Rumble sent me from one of the security cameras'' Spike took his phone off his pocket and pressed start. In the video, we could see an electric scooter driver being run over by Spike's car, he got out of his car, a beer can in his hand, looked at the guy, hit him to see if he was breathing which was not the case. Spike then placed the body in a garden filled with Halloween decorations and left as if nothing happened.

Number 4

Believe me or not but I managed to get a date with Moonlight Raven, the big titty goth of this town so I was fucking happy! She's into dark stuff like Witchcraft and all so to make sure I could get into her dark dungeon quickly I decided to rob a grave under heavy rain with my trusty and rusty shovel to get her some nice antic bones...spoiler alert she called the cops on me once I told her the story but she sent me a nice card with a naughty pic of her while I was in jail so it is a win-win situation...Then once free I did it again because I developed a taste for it.

Number 3

I love pictures, I love dead people and I love cemeteries so I decided to mix my three loves and started collecting pictures in cemeteries...I basically steal the pictures of the dead...It makes me feel like they are part of my big and dead family.

Number 2

To honor the most famous hooker of the wild west, I traveled to Dodge city on Halloween night and I jerked off on her grave...then I stole her picture.

Number 1

I love horror stuff but I am not really fond of zombies and stuff, why am I saying this? Well, there was that one time when I got my hands on an evil book made of human flesh with some spooky spells written in blood. I wanted to cast a spell to weaken the barrier between the living world and the underworld or as I like to call it the cooler world. Only I messed up and people changed into their costumes. At first, I thought it would be funny... two days before Halloween Army of the dead came out on Netflix so people disguised themselves as those undead fuckers....What a Bloody Bloodybath it was, the city turned into a slaughterhouse in no time, hopefully, I had the high ground so I was safe from those guys...until they started to pile up to get a piece of my ass. I'm sure you are all wondering how did I manage to save the day? I didn't save the day so I teleported myself into another universe similar to this one, during the same day, same time only this time Spike failed the spell and turned himself into a ponyville fried dragon. Now I have two evil books...so many dead!

Well this is the end of the night so I wish you a good night and don't you forget the moral of my story...I am a horrible being!

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