Facts with Spike II: Electric Boogaloo · 8:50pm Dec 25th, 2022

Spike was sitting in his brown leather chair reading A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Oh, I didn't see you there....wait...what the fuck are you doing in my house again? I have no more tales of my life to tell you so bug off! No wait, I'm sorry for yelling at you, it's just that I don't feel good when Christmas is around the corner. My life is full of unwanted events and memories and I don't your pure and kind souls to be corrupted by my Filthiness... fuck it, gather around children and listen to my crazy shits boi!

Top ten Halloween Christmas facts about me and why I should be in jail!

Number 10

I ran over Santa with my car or as I like to call it the pussy catcher last Christmas. I had to replace him for the night, he only had one last gift to give...I sent 45 people to the hospital that night and Cadence wanted to divorce my brother. It was a great night, a great night indeed.

Number 9

Santa Claus convinced the judge to lower my prison sentence to just community service... Between picking up litter and Old Sparky, the choice is quickly made. Twilight cried tears of joy when she heard the verdict...Nah who am I kidding? She wanted my ass fried like some goof ol' chicken!

Number 8

To punish me for my last crime, Celestia makes me answer all the letters from the children of the kingdom by pretending to be Santa Claus. It was fun and kinda heartwarming at first, but then I took a glass of Whisky and I lost all my Christmas spirit. Here's a letter I wrote, one of my favorites: ''Dear Pipsqueak....Ya mom's a HOE!'' Have another,'' Dear Button...Go kill yourself!'', this one is really mean, '' Dear Applebloom... Ya bitch ass Hillbilly brother cock suckin' moonshine drinkin' illiterate piece of shit pear eatin' orphan lookin' ass motherfucker...fuck you...love, your papa and mama!''

Number 7

I wanted everything to be perfect for once so I went to the spooky ass forest near my house to find the perfect magnum opus of all Christmas trees and I found it! Little did I know that once I cut it down, the spirit of Gaia Everfree flew out of it and started some big troubles in Town. Had to impale her with the giant Christmas tree to end her ruckus, bloodiest Christmas of my life.

Number 6

I ran over a guy dressed in Santa...again. I was like oh shit here we go again, I buried him in the snow and drove away...I may have stolen all his wallet and belongings too...Merry Christmas!

Number 5

I managed to have a date with this one-time original character Christmas special episode, Merry Peppermint. Young, full of life, cheerful, loves Christmas, sexy white hair, and big eggnog milkers! So to prove my love for this special holiday to her, I broke into a goose farm to free them from suffering... Unfortunately, we freed them next to the traffic....feathers, and blood flying everywhere. She called the cops (Rumble) and I went to jail...Again and again, she sent me some naughty Christmas pictures so it was a win-win situation!

Number 4

I dug up the skeleton of Charles Horsekens and stole his skull.

Number 3

P.O.V : a camera from the mall

Everyponies were doing their last Christmas shoppings when suddenly a bath-salted drugged Spike appeared dressed as a giant Dreidel. He started beating up every single copy of Mariah Carey ALL I want for Christmas is you, the security (Rumble) tried to stop him but he retaliated against him by spinning on himself. After a full spin, he threw up and fell head-first in his puke.

Number 2

I stole Christmas just like the Grinch to show them that Christmas is not a capitalist holiday with stupid gifts and wasted food while people are dying... It's all about love, family, peace, union! The entire town knew that I was the culprit, I could feel their gazes when they look at me, and to remind you of something, I was very fucking far from them. They chased me in the snow with pitchforks and torches. I learned two things this day ; One, I am a very good thief, two, One year of living in another country under a fake name and then coming back to town is not enough for them to forgive you and your crimes.

Number I

The ghost of Christmas future decided to pay me a visit because I was alone and in a fucking bad mood, He brought me in front of my home after the end of the show. Right after I opened the door, My future self blew his head off with the silver shotgun. These are the words of the Spirit and I quote: Holy fucking fuck, what the fuck what That? '' I asked him if this is what he wanted me to see and he replied, ''Fuck no, Dude !'' I spent the next 40 minutes smoking in front of my still-warm body while the spirit was trying not to cry.

This is all for tonight Lads, I wish you a merry Christmas, and don't forget the moral of this story....Jesus Man !

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