Facts with Spike: Turkey edition

Spike Drake was in a classroom, wearing a brown three-piece suit with glasses, he was speaking to a group of children about the magnificent Turkey bird, '' The Ottoman Empire was one of the most powerful and fearsome empires of all time and...What do you mean by Turkey, not Turkey? Oh you mean the bird, not the country of kebabs and tea! Well, I guess I need to inform Mr.Illitch that I will not be able to teach the great Esquestrian Revolution of 1917....Anyway, cranberry sauce!'' He threw a block of cranberry sauce at Flurry's face who ate it right after.

Facts with Spike: Turkey time motherfucker

Number 10

I wanted to amend for my action on last christmas so under a fake of Dike Sake I volounteered at the Cake's Bakery to make the biggest pumpkin pie of the world! Days and nights I worked hard to prepare the crust, the filing and even the whipped cream on top. I wanted to be good for once this year, I'm tired of getting coal every damn year! But then, I realized something once I was alone while whipping icing sugar and cream together, my sick mind told me, to...to...''Hey Spike, wouldn't it be funny if you jerk off inside?'' I cried a lot this night and the night after because the next morning everyone and by that I mean EVERYONE was eating a slice of pumpkin Spike pie special cream!

Number 9

When I was a little boy, the mayor wanted to re-create the first Thanksgiving when the pilgrims and the natives shared a meal. She invited Chief Thunderhooves and his tribes and everything went well until I opened my mouth of little dumbass boy, ''Miss mayor when are we going to kill them, steal their lands, and ensclave their wives and daugthers?'' Eveyone looked at me in shock, ''I saw it in The Revenant with Leonardo DiCaprio'' I believe this is at this precise moment that my mom started to drink on every major events.

Number 8

Joe wanted me to create a special menu for Thanksgiving, I was like what do you want me to do? Make a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes fries or green bean casserole as a side with some gravy as dipping sauce and for dessert a pecan pie? He looked at me and simply said ''yeah''...I sold a shit ton of turkey this day.

Number 7

Last year, we celebrated Flurry's first Thanksgiving so I wanted it to be special and unique for my favorite little girl! I made some effort, no drinking , nice clothes, no swearing, no drugs! She sat next to me, so I cut her meat, served her drinks, I made sure that her food was not too hot or cold! I was the perfect fucking uncle, nothing more to say! In the end, when thet left, Shining hugged me tight and Cadence thanked me, me mom and dad asked me to spend the night at home, I was happy!

Number 6

The next day I was hospitalized because 9 ulceres grew in my stomach, apparently swearing save life...Being perfect suck ass.

Number 5

''Let me show you a quick video that my friend Button did while we were recolting cranberries'' Spike was recolting cranberries when suddently a giant wolf spider came out of the water and attacked Spike. The spider managed to drag Spike underwater, a silence hit the lake of cranberries when the body of the beast emerged from it with a knife stucked in its head, '' No one can mess with me when I carry Mr.Stabby MacKilling Hoes on me belt!

Number 4

Believe me, or not but once again I managed to get a date with the new original Thanksgiving character. Automne Leaf, magnificent red curly hair, emerald eyes, THE Biggest thighs that I ever seen. She convinced me to break into a Turkeys farm to free them from suffering... Unfortunately, we freed them next to the traffic....feathers, and blood flying everywhere. She called the cops (Rumble) and I went to jail...Again and again, she sent me some naughty Thanksgiving pictures so it was a win-win situation.

Number 3

I convinced my friend Fallout to have a Thanksgiving meal with all my friends, Button, Rumble, Pipsqueack, the ghost of myself from this dark universe,Discord and Spuke, a diamond dog version of me from another universe ....When I woke up I was naked with a uncook turkey next to me and in this same turkey there was Discord's severed left hand. No one remembers anything about that night, even the ghost but from now on I'm forever banned from Las Pegasus.

Number 2

I paid Discord 10 buck to fuck the hot turkey in front of everyone during Celestia's celebration. When she transformed into her tyrannical counterpart, Daybreaker, She ripped Discord's guts and ordered him to spill the beans about it. He pointed at me, and she looked at me and I said ''Fuck...Ground me if you want nothing will unfuck the Thanskgiving turkey.''

Number 1

November 2022, a huge storm wrecked the farm of the old Leroy Jenkins, he survived and the whole town helped him to rebuilt. When cleaning the mess, I found a little poult, he was alone, scared, and so frail. I saw myself in him, so I raised him all by myself, he feed him, played with him, conforted him there was a storm, he was my precious little poult. As the years goes by, he became the biggest, meanest Turkey! I was so proud of him when he left me to go to college. He came back home, and I finaly presented him to my family, ''Hey everyone , this is my proud Turley boy! Say hello dear boy!'' The turkey took a step and open his beak only for his head to blow up, '' Who wants some turkey?'' Spike asked while holding his silver shotgun.

This is how my story ends, remember children, vegan meat is not real meat, but retarded vegetables thinking we love them, but no, we dont!

Comments

[Fallout dude 50]

…..what the hell is wrong with you spike 😂