A unicorn with no talents is thrust into the largest armed conflict in Equestrian history. Destiny may await him on the field of battle, but is it better to have no talent than the talent of ending other ponies lives?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I've been reading this for the better part of today, and I've got to say I'm rather impressed. Barring the abundance of spelling and grammar errors, this story has thoroughly hooked me with its plot and the technical detail you've put into it. I particularly appreciate the level of detail you've put into representing the guns, and blending the reality of what they're based on(i.e the SMLE and Lanchester becoming the SMCC and the MMMG, respectively) with the fiction of how best those designs would be suited for a pony's hooves. I also appreciate how you've started exploring the psychological aspect of war(I'm up to the chapter 'Preparations' now, so anyone who's read that far is aware of what I'm talking about). No one who goes to war comes back; it irrevocably changes them, completely reshapes them into a different person. I feel like you've tried to portray this in how everypony's identities and even names are changed, and how the war remolds them. The protagonist left as Static Sparks, but when the war's over he'll go back home as Manifest Destiny, and the way this change has transpired makes the reader forget his former life almost as much as Sparks himself has forgotten it. He'll have to reconcile what he did and what he saw as Manifest Destiny with who he was as Static Sparks, and try to make peace with the two identities.
Very few stories about war can command my respect, but yours has, Commissar. I look forward to reading the rest and seeing the ending.
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Spellijg and gramr errers are my speciality.
Glad that you like the story so far, and hope that it continues to impress.
Having finished this amazing story I find myself already wanting more. I know it took you a very long time to finish this story, given the issues with your past editor, but I have to wonder what's in the future for this story and the universe you've crafted for it.
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for that, you will have to wait, hopefully, not so long.
8464772
I can't wait to see what's in store! I'm sure it'll be great.
I started reading this story when it first came out. Then popped online to see that this much had been done. I just finished reading it all. I believe I stopped reading the first time on the chapter dictating the battle in the tank.
This story continuing? My only concern at this point is that if you try pulling the story on too long it'll start to drag on.
It was smart to not have a chapter about the lunch. You cut out a lot of things that would have dragged the story on way too long, and you explained it all in some very good expositional pieces. That was really smart of you. Very good call, and pretty decent writing. I found some of it a little jarring but not enough to be totally lost. Just a little bump in the road.
I would suggest if you haven't already planned it, wrap the story up in a chapter or two. Leave any continued story for a sequel if you plan on writing one. You've hit that point where continuing on this story probably wouldn't flow well, but I already said that.
This is your story, at the end of the day you can write what or how you will, I'm merely giving my advice.
I CANNOT believe no one else spotted the easter egg reference you left.
memegenerator.net/img/instances/12784347/im-commander-shepard-and-this-is-my-favourite-store-on-the-citadel.jpg