Clankers

by ISKV

Past Equestria : First Mate Port Side, Transcript

Evenin' lad. That's an awful lotta rum yer holdin'...

Oh! Nice ta know there's some fine, distinguished gentlecolts still round'.

...

Ah! Nothin' like Jamareican Rum ta' wash away those days at sea eh lad!? AH! HA! HA! HA! Ha! Ha. Whooh...

Say, yer here for somethin' aren't yeh? Yeah. Yer kind' are always lookin' for something. Well...

We sea stallions have roamed the seas, fighting Leviathan, almost sinkin' in the waves higher than the mountain Canterlot sits on with her plush, soft tush! Eh lad? Ya wanna hear that story?

No? Well then my well-dressed friend how bout' a classic?

Pirates? Agh! We've had our fair share of the bloody raiders round' the western sea. Nice view. Wouldn't mind bein' marooned on an island there...

Nay? Yeh don't wanna hear bout' the pirates? Looks like yer' lookin' for an... odd... tale on the seas hmn?

Well, Captain Maelstrom, he's the one with the scar goin' down his neck, once sailed to the' Caribou Sea. Yeh, the one all the way up north, where the ice grips on the hull of the ship harder than ya can bite down on yer mother's teats! The poor buggers get frozen in the ice at the worst possible time. Now, he sends' a few of his sailors to scout the area and they come back with a chillin' tale. They find this cave, and it's toastier than a mare's snatch. So their hooves r' freezing off, and they go deeper. It gets' warmer and warmer and there's this' steam floatin' from even deeper. But it was then they found a Diamond Dog. Dead, with all of its grimy fur blasted off and... I can't believe' I'm sayin' this... it looked like the poor bastard was cooked alive. Couldn't av' been dead for longer than a day. And he wasn't alone, no... His mates were round' im', fur gone and skin redder than a spanked rear!

...

Ah...! That's good rum.

...

So they ran back to the ship, screamin' and hollerin' that they were in Dog territory. Now, Diamond Dogs don't take too kindly to intruders, and Maelstrom tried to sail back with his tail up high as fast as he could. But by then the cold had captured his ship, and he was stuck there for months.

But no matter how long they waited, no packs o' dogs ever attacked his ship. One night, a pup, ribs showin' and patches a' fur gone, stumbled by. The cabin colt took im' in, and nursed the dog back to health. They spent hours round' him, listenin' to his stories of steam-shootin' gold monsters taller than the Alpha. No spear could get through their thick hides, thicker than an elephant's! They walked slowly, heavy hoofsteps sendin' fear into his poor mother's heart. The pup barely made it out.

...

Tell ye' what. Look for the ship with black sails and a white star surrounded by a broken' circle. That's the Frontier Justice. It's Maelstrom's. If ya wanna talk to the dog himself, ya might need a little bit more rum.

...

Oh? Another one fer me? Yer too kind lad.

Heh.

You're too kind...

-First Mate Port Side, Celestia's Fury.

Comments

[Malefactor Blue]

[MADC3]

I'm an honest simple Guy. So all I have to say is I dig it.

[ArtyTheReader]

Goo job, looking forward to more.

[ISKV]

2445704
What does HFY stand for?

[Beyond the Horizon]

Interesting so far, I wonder what modern day will be like. . .

[Uxion]

2446635
'Humans, Fuck Yeah!'
Basically human wanking.

[ISKV]

2448471
Hmn... I dunno. I haven't planned that far yet.

[Uxion]

2448484
No, that is what HFY means.
'Humanity Fuck Yeah!' is supposed to be the 'Muerica' version of showing human superiority.

[ISKV]

2448505
Yeah, definitely know what you're talking about.

Thanks for the definition!

[the_sane_maniac]

2452148 humanity fuck yeah...

you just happened to cite one of the most popular HFY quotes by accident?

[the_sane_maniac]

2452148 you know what? just read this, it will make it all clear.

[the_sane_maniac]

2459727 read this to get a pic of the whole thing and an example of a few of the best threads or read this 0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1336/86/1336864725053.jpg

this is one of my favorites. i assumed that he was at least familiar with it as the intro of second chapter was more or less a quote of a popular HFY quote.

and if TL;DR. HFY = humanity fuck yeah. the common scenario is that humanity is more or less in every way inferior to aliens/ other races. HFY (can mostly be found in the 4chan /tg/ archive) says "fuck that" and writes something where humans are better then aliens at something (war, engineering, resistance, numbers or something else) that makes us awesome.

[Detective Chmilewsky]

The idea of steam as an infantry weapon is really interesting.

[Detective Chmilewsky]

2461243 I have an entire folder full of HFY, with dozens of stories.

[the_sane_maniac]

2470691 give it to me. NOW.