• Published 16th May 2013
  • 1,186 Views, 23 Comments

The Masseur - NachoTheBrony



I’m happy today, but I don’t thank Discord for pulling me out from my happy life on Earth.

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Chapter 7: Romance?

The Masseur 07: Romance?


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 139 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 7, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: December 31, 2012.

The Telegraph is ready. We have finally tested the eight machines to complete satisfaction. I told Good Listener and Hikaru that we’ll have showdown next week. We are still missing a few insulators and utility poles, but the glassmakers and carpenters have so far proven reliable and, even if they failed us completely, we have enough for a slightly smaller demonstration.
I’ll set the ball rolling tonight.
On an unrelated note, today happens to be New Year’s Eve, at least by following Earth’s Calendar according to my watch. Neither Hikaru nor Robbie have said a thing, so I’ll quietly have a cup of cider at my room.


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 140 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 8, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: January 1st, 2013.

Yesterday night, I went to Night Court and presented Princess ~Luna~ with four copies of Pony Morse V.7.5 (named ~Pulse Speech 7 and 5~ in ~Ponese~) and told her that a week from then I would give her a surprise, but that I would need that at least four people in the Night Court had learned the code by then. I also gave her four telegraph hammers for practice.


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 144 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 12, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: January 5, 2013.

Today I decided to test just how accustomed is the palace to my oddities: just before the midday recess of Day Court, I went to the ~Sunrise~ Court, stripped down and began dancing like a madman, following the snowfall from the handful of pegasai that were powdering these gardens. And a few minutes later I just stopped, dressed again and went for some tea. I have been asked about two dozen times what the heck was that about, and I have been sticking to the explanation that I had been too normal lately and needed to relieve some pressure. Almost everybody then laughs, including the few off-duty guards that have asked me.

And, other than asking me about that, Princess ~Luna~ teased me that her court is getting ready for my presentation. I teased her back that I would blow her mind.
She also told me to not call her Princess when we were in private. As a properly trained masseur, I know that clients may have orgasms from something as remote as a shoulder rub or a facial massage, and in their addled state will spout all sorts of pleasure-fuelled proposals; thus, a proper masseur knows not to take seriously anything said during a massage. Thing is, the princess said it dead seriously, well after I had finished.
I’m not sure what to think about this: coming from royalty, this could be constructed as anything from a note of confidence to a declaration of love in the positive, or an order directed at a future concubine in the negative. I can’t imagine her in negative terms, so go figure.


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 145 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 13, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: January 6, 2013.

Nothing happened today. Nothing more relevant than me getting permission to put a giant hamster wheel in the back of the palace for my personal use as a treadmill, anyway.
I did notice something about my previous entry into this journal, however. Yesterday I wrote that I could not think about Princess ~Luna~ in negative terms. That pretty much translates that I kind of see her as perfect.
And then, after a little soul searching right now, I have reached a new conclusion: I think I’m falling for her.
So, a ~bald monkey~ alien is falling in love with one of the two sovereigns of this realm. I’m sure this will not end well for me.


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 148 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 16, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: January 9, 2013.

(Early morning)
The demonstration went every bit as well as I could have expected. Or perhaps even better, considering that I hadn’t expected ~Luna~ to be one of the typists that learned my Pony Morse, let alone master it almost as good as Good Listener.
Anyway, it went like this:
First, Hikaru, Good Listener and I rolled our telegraph machines into the throne room as soon as Day Court had closed. As agreed, we put two per corner, so we could then wire them into a rectangle around the room. We tested and found, to not surprise, that we couldn’t use the floor of the throne room as ground. We finished our work there by wheeling in three trolleys loaded with these super cheap wooden pyramidal frames that we would be using as utility poles. Then we agreed to meet back there a quarter hour before Night Court, and went to have dinner or whatever. I just went straight to bed, asking my maid escort to wake me up with some black tea and sandwiches a half hour before Court opening time.
Once Court was ready to start, we entered, pulled the two machines that would stretch across the front of the room, placed them back to back in front of the throne, and called the court for attention. We asked the court for the typists we had requested, and were rather surprised when we didn’t only get a lot more than we requested, but the first one in line was Princess Selene herself.
We recovered quickly, and began the second part: testing our 16 typists at either sending or receiving, so to make sure that we would indeed be able to have a show. All were good, even if some were faster than others. But we had the machines disconnected, thus this was much more about listening to a hammer two meters away.
We thus began the first step of the real demonstration: we pulled the machines some two meters apart and wired them on the typical telegraphic triple wire system: a single ground wire, and as I hadn’t been able to figure out how to make a semiconductor, we had to have two separate sender wires. We then selected two average typists from our pool and asked one of them to say something to the other.
If Court hadn’t been in session around us, I imagine that you could have heard a pin drop from the silence that rose from our group: thanks to some tendency for feedback, my design had separate sender and a receiver hammers, and as the receiver hammer didn’t need to be accessible, we had put it inside a resonance box. Furthermore, we had been working with the same batteries for weeks now, and for the demo we prepared fresh batteries. Furthermore, the pony on the sender side was still thinking that the other one was supposed to hear the sound of his own hammer, and hit it harder accordingly. Thus, the first blow sounded as hard as a gunshot.
Hikaru was the first one from us to react, flipping open the cover (the soundboard) of the resonance box. This prompted me to do the same on the sender’s side, and Good Listener to ask the sender to try again, gently.
Thus, let history record the very first round telegram in a public demonstration: “~How are your kids, Bright Candle?~” “~You just had dinner at my home, brother.~”
Oh yeah: telegraphy has now had its very first cheeky comeback.
Once the snorts of laughter died down, I explained to them that the signals moved at a near infinite speed (without a clear unit of time, I cannot define lightspeed in ~Ponese~), and that the lines could be extended as far as needed, so these machines could be very useful at sending time-sensitive messages over vast distances, such as tax records and diplomatic and military communication between towns, cities and the capital. Beyond that, that the ~distance writing artefact~ could also be turned for civilian and business use for short messages that can be received within the same day, as opposed to waiting for normal mail speed.
So we then proceeded to the second part of the demo: we disconnected the machines and pushed one of them to its former corner, leaving another in front of the throne. We then brought much longer wires and the ‘utility poles’ and, with help from the pool of typists, we rapidly wired them into four “cities” plus the one in front of the throne representing the capital. Our represented cities were ~Ponyville~, ~Manehattan~, ~Appleloosa~ and ~El Trote~, which apparently represent a very difficult communications route, including a minimum of eight days of miserable journey through patched savannas and deserts on its second half.
And, over the next hour, we sent a plethora of examples of the kind of time sensitive messages that could benefit from instant communication. And then the princess really got into the game, and sent back a kind of message that non of us had thought about:

To: all Royal Guard road outposts.
From: Royal Guard central command, Canterlot.
Title: Wanted fugitive
Message: This is an immediate order to monitor roads and trains for a red maned, brown stallion, young unicorn adult, with a bag of bits for a cutie mark. He is wanted for questioning in relation with a series of thefts and aggravated assaults in Manehattan. Approach with caution.

Yup, I think she’s completely sold for the telegraph.


~Cornbread Chip~’s Personal Journal, Day 150 in ~Equestria~
~Winter 18, Year 2 of the Fourth Era~
Earth’s Date: January 11, 2013.
Fifth Monthly Recap

The biggest thing that happened this month is that I presented the telegraph to Princess ~Luna~ on Night 147. I made a nice and lengthy entry on Day 148. Beyond what happened that night, I’ve begun discussing with her how to sell the service to the people.
Other than that, the potters are sending me bucketfuls of gold, the maids keep treating me like their collective son, Hikaru nags me to invent stuff, Good Listener hangs out with us at least once a week, and I’m warm despite the snow outside. Life’s good.
Something worth mentioning: I seem to be falling in love with Princess ~Luna~. I have been noticing a few ‘symptoms’ on myself for a while now, but nothing like the dream I had last night. I had what might have been the most realistic dream I have ever had in my life, and also the one that I can remember the most vividly: I remember talking with ~Luna~ about all the little pleasures that were lost to us; mine because of not being in the correct world, and hers because of having jumped a thousand years. I remember the taste of the tequila and mescal I offered her, just as well as I remember the taste of the ~moonshine~ that she offered me back. I remember the smell of the copal incense I was using to give fragrance to my apartment. I remember joking with her. I even remember how she asked me to follow her to her own apartments, and into her own bed, and then trying to make love to her.
“Try” being the operative word: how in the world is that a sexual dream can be less than even enjoyable? I believe my brain is getting a bit too technical about stuff, demonstrating me that there is just far too much difference between an eighty-kilo male monkey and an eight-hundred-kilo female horse. It was the most realistic, most vividly remembered, and also the weirdest dream I can remember having.
I sincerely hope not to have dreams this intense and this vivid too often. Not only would they make me feel awkward about our massage sessions, but I also woke up with a mess inside my underwear and feeling as tired as if I hadn’t slept a blink all night.

Author's Note:

Don’t worry, dear readers: the story is tagged as Dark, not Romance, so I will not go into something as cliché as “Guy finds love and lives romance with pony girl”.

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